Jamie Dimon

  • kenlangonehat

    News

    Taking Chairman Title Away From Jamie Dimon Is The Craziest God Damn Thing Ken Langone’s Heard Today

    As you may have heard, recently some JP Morgan shareholders have been making a lot of noise about their desire to strip Jamie Dimon of his gig as JP Morgan Chairman. Their argument centers largely on last summer’s incident in which one of the bank’s employees lost $6+ billion on a trade. So far the board has rallied behind JD, but we hadn’t yet heard from veterans of the business community.

    What, for instance, is Ken Langone’s reaction to the idea that Jamie can’t hold down two jobs at the same time? Whattayanuts? It’s horse shit, is what! “Nuts!” he told Bloomberg TV the afternoon. “It’s nuts!” 1. Jamie Dimon is the best CEO in America, nay, the universe 2. JPMorgan is so good is can afford things like the Whale. 3. Ken loves Jamie, as a human. 4 This “whole nonsense about governance is a lot of horse feathers” to Big Langs and 5. Unrelated but important: Ken Langone would like to remind you that he once vanquished Eliot Spitzer.

    / Apr 26, 2013 at 3:20 PM
  • Wow is this ever the face of a man not having any fun.

    Banks

    J.P. Morgan Isn’t Doing This For Fun You Know

    Yesterday JPMorgan research released a 328 page report arguing that global tier 1 investment banks […]

    / Apr 12, 2013 at 2:48 PM
  • News

    Jamie Dimon Is (Still) Sorry

    JP Morgan & Co.’s chairman and chief executive officer, James Dimon, renewed his apologies to […]

    / Apr 10, 2013 at 6:17 PM
  • Jamie-Dimon-6201

    News

    Each Chapter Of ‘The Life And Times Of James Dimon’ Will Be Written In A Different Room

    Jamie Dimon, chairman and chief executive officer of JPMorgan Chase, bought a commercial co-op unit […]

    / Apr 8, 2013 at 4:18 PM
  • jamiedimonvanityfair

    News

    JPMorgan Board, Execs Stand By Their Man

    Executives and directors of J.P. Morgan Chase are rallying large investors against a nonbinding shareholder […]

    / Apr 5, 2013 at 5:25 PM
  • News

    JPMorgan Execs Got A Little Testy With ‘Stupid’ Regulators

    If you’d like to have at least eight federal agencies—and the Justice Department—investigating your firm, […]

    / Mar 27, 2013 at 5:40 PM
  • I will poke you!

    News

    Senate Subcommittee Feasting On Whale Today

    When I got the Senate Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations report on the London Whale last […]

    / Mar 15, 2013 at 11:46 AM
  • News

    Person Sends Email To Jamie Dimon

    We* don’t really find it particularly amusing amusing or post-worthy that a Jefferies employee accidentally or misguidedly put Jamie Dimon on an email about a working group list but judging by the number of people who’ve sent it to us, this is the height of banking humor, so here you go:

    / Mar 5, 2013 at 6:50 PM
  • News

    Jamie Dimon Reminds Mike Mayo He Drove To Work In An Eighty Thousand Dollar BMW

    Mike Mayo: I think what I hear UBS saying in their presentation is, if I’m an affluent customer, I’ll feel a lot better going to UBS if they have a 13 percent capital ratio than another big bank with a 10 percent ratio, do you agree with that or disagree? Jamie Dimon: So you would go to UBS and not JPMorgan? Mike Mayo: I didn’t say that, that’s their argument. Jamie Dimon: That’s why I’m richer than you.

    / Feb 26, 2013 at 6:29 PM
  • whale5

    News

    Does Jamie Dimon Have Too Much on His Plate?

    Some meddlesome JPMC investors seem to think so.

    / Feb 20, 2013 at 4:35 PM
  • You said it, Paul, not me.

    Banks

    Bank Investors Push For Change Via Strongly Worded Poll Responses

    I feel like this exchange did not go well for Jamie Dimon: [Elliott Capital’s Paul] […]

    / Jan 23, 2013 at 1:32 PM
  • News

    The Takeaway Here Is That Lloyd Blankfein And Jamie Dimon Regularly Prank Call Each Other

    “At first I thought it was a friend of mine pulling a prank. I thought […]

    / Jan 22, 2013 at 5:28 PM
  • jamiedimonvanityfair

    News

    Jamie Dimon (Sort Of) Returns Tom Brady’s Favor

    Back in October, the most wonderful aspect of the JPMorgan Whale Tale emerged in the pages of Vanity Fair: the day Vice-Chairman Jimmy Lee barricaded himself in his office determined to come up with a way to help Jamie Dimon, and after hours of thinking real hard, summoned his six secretaries and told them they had a job to do, which was getting Tom Brady on the horn so he could deliver a pep talk sure to cheer up the boss. Was the call kind of awkward, considering the two had never spoken and Brady’s lack of useful investment ideas likely meant his big speech involved not much more than  “Even Super Bowl champion quarterbacks have bad days” and “Keep your chin up out there?” Probably. And yet some sort of bond was clearly forged, which would explain why Dimon felt compelled to throw Brady this bone:

    / Jan 22, 2013 at 4:41 PM
  • whale diagram

    Banks

    JPMorgan Dissects A Whale Carcass

    How should one read JPMorgan’s Whale Report? I suppose “not” is an acceptable answer; the […]

    / Jan 16, 2013 at 1:41 PM
  • Okay let's make that ... rock wall ... thing ... taller.

    News

    Regulators Close Aquarium Door Behind Escaped Whale

    Once upon a time there was a whale, and he had a synthetic credit portfolio, […]

    / Jan 14, 2013 at 6:33 PM
  • jamiedimon

    News

    This Is America, Last Time Jamie Dimon Checked

    Jamie Dimon, the CEO of the country’s largest bank by assets, says that regulating Wall […]

    / Dec 13, 2012 at 5:43 PM
  • jamie-dimon

    News

    Jamie Dimon Suggests The Government Stop Twiddling Its Thumbs On This Fiscal Cliff Business And Start Moving Its Asses

    “We are one decision away from restoring our fiscal and moral authority from around the […]

    / Dec 12, 2012 at 4:56 PM
  • mariannalake

    News

    New JPMorgan CFO Is A Female Jamie Dimon, Says Person

    J.P. Morgan named finance executive Marianne Lake to succeed Douglas Braunstein as chief financial officer […]

    / Nov 19, 2012 at 5:51 PM
  • Who could demote THAT FACE?

    Banks, News

    JPMorgan CFO Handsome

    JPMorgan did its third-quarter earnings call this morning, and even though the London Whale was […]

    / Oct 12, 2012 at 11:18 AM
  • News

    Jamie Dimon Is Still Waiting For His Thank You For Buying Bear

    JPMorgan Chase Chief Executive Jamie Dimon said his company has lost up to $10 billion […]

    / Oct 10, 2012 at 3:52 PM
  • News

    JPMorgan’s Security Team Almost Didn’t Let This Happen

    Dimon recalls that when he e-mailed his senior executives, back in 2010, first proposing the […]

    / Oct 4, 2012 at 6:09 PM
  • News

    On One of The Worst Days Of WhaleGate For Jamie Dimon, JPMorgan’s Vice-Chairman Thought It Would Make Him Feel Better To Hear From Another Guy Who’s Sort Of But Not Really Been There

    As you may have heard, Summer 2012 was not the best of times for JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon. On May 10, after having said that a Bloomberg story about one of its London traders making very large, very worrisome bets was but “a tempest in a teapot,” the bank announced that said trader had lost approximately $2 billion. On May 11, it was suggested that Dimon’s title of most loved-banker on Wall Street was up for grabs. On June 19, Dimon was forced to testify on Capitol Hill. In July 13, JPMorgan was forced to revise the $2 billion loss to $6 billion. Associates who surrounded Dimon during these days said that the stress was visibly wearing on him, and that it was arguably one of the worst periods of his career. And while senior executives logged long hours and gave up weekends and holidays to help deal with the fallout, gathering documents and unwinding trades and trying to manage the crisis, only one busted his ass to actually give Jamie Dimon what he needed: Jimmy Lee.

    After spending much of July 13 again explaining the trading loss to the media and to research analysts—including making the stunning admission that the traders in London may have intentionally mismarked the trades to make them look less egregious, a potential illegality that the Justice Department is still investigating—the exhausted Dimon got an unexpected call from Tom Brady, the star quarterback of the New England Patriots. (Jimmy Lee, a legendary sports fan, had arranged for it.) Brady reminded Dimon that even Super Bowl champs have bad days and told him “to hang in there.”

    And after thinking about it and thinking about it and thinking about it some more, snapped his finger and said, “I’ve got it- we need to get Tom Brady on the line.” And then gathered his five secretaries in his office and told them to clear his and their schedules because they needed to get this deal done by the end of the day. And when he finally got Brady on the line, assured him that the call would be welcome and that it wouldn’t be awkward* or seem out of left field. “Just tell him he’s got this. Tell him that if banking or football were easy everyone would be doing it. Tell him that even on your worst day, you still get to go home and bang that little Brazilian of yours. No, wait, scratch that. Tell him you can’t generate profits and be responsible for the losses at the same time. Tell him, ‘Keep your chin, up, kid.’ Tell him you’re down by 7, you just took a huge sack, Gronkowski’s got a broken leg and you’re not wearing a cup. But there’s still time left on that clock, Jamie D. And as long as there’s time left on that clock, you’re going to score a mother fucking touchdown. Tell him, ‘Go get ’em, Tiger.’ You still there, pal?”

    Jamie Dimon On The Line [VF]

    / Oct 4, 2012 at 2:10 PM
  • Newsflash People

    Jamie Dimon Shook Up JPMorgan Management Post-CIO Loss Because He God Damn Well Felt Like It, Will Support The Asinine Reforms Threatening To Destroy America On A Dark Day In Hell

    Jamie Dimon, the outspoken chief executive of JPMorgan Chase, sat down on Tuesday for what […]

    / Sep 12, 2012 at 11:50 AM
  • News

    Bloomberg: Not One Bank CEO Can Fill Jamie Dimon’s Shoes, Especially Not That Guy From Australia Who Doesn’t Own An Iron

    Earlier today, Bloomberg ran a lengthy piece about the latest crisis on Wall Street: a lack of Jamie Dimon. Specifically, a lack of Jamie Dimon telling meddlesome regulators, anti-industry populists, know-nothing Congressmen, and hypocrite bastard newspapers where they can go and what they can suck. True, it’s not as though he’s gone anywhere, and he’s still reminding people “it’s a free fucking country” but “juggling multiple investigations and a $5.8 billion trading loss on wrong-way bets on credit derivatives” has left his hands a little tied and, some believe, cost him his once untouchable “stature” in the industry.

    And while one should never simply offer problems without solutions, Bloomberg isn’t gonna sugarcoat this one: when it comes to “any kind of credible statesmen” to step in for JD, Wall Street is shit out of luck and not just because no one besides Lloyd came close in sales of their respective Bankers At Work And Play pin-up calendars. Among current CEO’s, Lloyd Blankfein, Brian Moynihan and Vikram Pandit are deemed too busy “fixing their own firms or repairing their reputations,” while Wells Fargo chief John Stumpf, though respected among his peers, is ruled out due to geography (“Part of Jamie’s fitting into that role was his natural brashness as a Wall Streeter and New Yorker, and that is not John”).

    But hey, what about that James Gorman guy? Runs Morgan Stanley, is based in New York, has been known to put a foot up an ass when necessary? Don’t even get Bloomberg started.

    James Gorman, 54…doesn’t fit the Wall Street titan stereotype. The Australian prefers a rumpled tuxedo he bought as a business school student in 1980 to Armani for black- tie events, and he stocks Vegemite in the executive kitchen.

    Or maybe perhaps all that makes him perfect for the gig? The way we see it, Jim Gorman doesn’t have the time or patience for fancy extras like unwrinkled suits and burgers made from foie gras-fed cows. All he cares about is not taking shit, or prisoners. Someone asks him, “What is this Vegemite stuff,” he knocks their two front teeth out. You suggest maybe he could have ironed his shirt before that gala, he takes out that iron and smashes you in the face with it. You want a worthy successor for the job, you’ve got him.

    Wall Street Leaderless In Rules Fight As Dimon Diminished [Bloomberg]

    / Aug 21, 2012 at 4:32 PM
  • News

    Caption Contest Thursday

    “Swung by @JPmorganchase and got to see where all the action takes place.“ [Meghan Musnicki]

    / Aug 16, 2012 at 1:24 PM
  • News

    If You Work At JPMorgan And Are Thinking About Losing A Few Billion, Take Note

    “And I want you to know the London Whale issue is dead,” Jamie Dimon recently […]

    / Aug 13, 2012 at 3:39 PM
  • News

    JPMorgan Still Reaping What Whale Boy Hath Sown

    JPMorgan can’t outrun the ripples from its multibillion-dollar “London Whale” trading blunder. The largest U.S. […]

    / Aug 9, 2012 at 6:25 PM