Jamie Dimon

A decade in the making, the Verizon-Vodafone deal was well worth the wait for Jamie Dimon (and everyone else). Read more »


BRB, aka BBB, aka SP-RG, pictured above as one of her many personas, the EFF, outside Jamie Dimon’s pad last week.

Her dispatch to DB re: JD, whose likeness she has slapped the ass of in the past: “After the Ethical Fiscal Fairy heard Jamie Dimon grumbling to insiders about intolerable regulatory pressure, EFF paid the banker a visit last Thursday night at his residence. Sprinkling some fairy dust outside the urban estate, EFF put a benevolent spell on Dimon from afar, hoping to kindly knock some common sense into him. And perhaps the fairy dust is working — as of last week, JPMorgan made the striking announcement to exit the physical commodities markets. EFF is hopeful that this is a turn for the better, but with so many reported scandals, one can never be too sure. Curious neighbors that approached EFF last week told her that ‘Mr. Dimon is really a nice guy.’ Even so, said EFF, nice doesn’t cut it. Mr. Dimon needs to be held accountable and appropriately punished either under Sarbanes Oxley, or by the Bank Reform Bitch, who on occasion has given the naughty Mr. Dimon very public spankings. Perhaps a combination of spankings and a healthy dose of fairy ethics would be the best approach.” Read more »

  • 12 Jul 2013 at 10:13 AM
  • Banks

JPMorgan Talked About Leverage A Lot This Morning

One of the pleasures of every JPMorgan quarterly earnings call is hearing Jamie Dimon’s, and now Marianne Lake’s, authoritative-sounding pronouncements on proposed regulations. You sometimes get the sense that regulations can’t be adopted without Dimon’s approval, so his views on these calls provide some sort of indicator of which of the proposals might actually happen. Plus, general amusing orneriness.

So how’d everyone do? Well, they think Nouveau Glass-Steagall is pretty silly, for one thing: in response to an analyst question about it, Lake said “we don’t spend much time thinking about it.”1 Oof! Get outta here with your Glass-Steagalls.

But the theme of the call was mostly “could you tell us more about your leverage ratio?” Here, JPMorgan is not so fond of the new Basel III leverage ratio proposals. The earnings deck walks through how JPMorgan will comply with the new U.S. leverage ratio rules, but it does not do any math on the effects of the new Basel proposals to do creepy things like disallow derivatives collateral netting. When asked to quantify the leverage under those proposals, Lake and Dimon declined, saying that there are “fundamental problems” with those proposals. So they have chosen to ignore them and, presumably, they will go away. Read more »

Capiche? Read more »

Hahaha no he didn’t almost lose his chairmanship at all, come on. Anyway here’s a thing:

Dimon has also been a fierce critic of President Obama’s economic policies, including parts of the Dodd-Frank banking reform bill. Many union pension funds as well as public officials running large pension funds have vocally supported the president’s economic and regulatory policies, and the recent shareholder vote was designed to quash Dimon’s public criticism of these policies, people inside JP Morgan say.

That’s from Charlie Gasparino’s report today that the House Financial Services Subcommittee is going to hold a hearing “into whether proxy advisory firms are pushing political agendas rather than serving shareholder interests,” which I guess is no sillier a hearing than most other hearings. More things:

Executives at many companies have complained to Congress that such battles are fraught with politics, with advisory firms often pushing the political agendas of some of their biggest shareholder clients at union and public pension funds.

There’s much to unpack there1 but the basic questions are: Read more »

You can make a nice profit but be forewarned: nobody pees on or steals Jamie Dimon’s rugs and gets away with it! Read more »

  • 21 May 2013 at 6:30 PM

Blow-Up Jamie Dimon Recieved An Ass Kicking Today


The real JD ended up faring pretty well for himself; the inflatable one, pictured above with noted Bank Reform Bitch,* who gathered outside 270 Park with other other activists today to protest Dimon keeping the his chairman title, can’t say the same thing! Read more »