Jamie Dimon

  • News

    Bonus Watch: JPMorgan

    People are reportedly prettay prettay pleased at the House of Dimon this morning.

    / Jul 30, 2010 at 11:17 AM
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    Everybody Say “Pitch Books”!

    The new JPMorgan analysts smile for their class picture this morning.

    / Jul 22, 2010 at 12:36 PM
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    Jamie Dimon, Lloyd Blankfein Don’t Need No Stinking White House Invites

    So Jamie Dimon and Lloyd Blankfein, the former of whom was once one of Obama’s boys, the latter of whom the President just thought was a cute li’l fella especially when his face gets all scrunched up, were very publicly not invited to yesterday’s signing of the financial reform bill. The White House asked every […]

    / Jul 22, 2010 at 11:55 AM
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    Jamie Dimon Has Impeccable Taste In Art

    A breathtaking portrait hanging in JD’s yet-to-be-sold Chicago home. [Luxist]

    / Jul 21, 2010 at 4:51 PM
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    Prop Cuts Going Down Circa Now At JPMorgan?

    The House of Dimon has allegedly begun “swinging the ax on prop traders, starting with energy group” with “around 40 people gone so far.”

    / Jul 21, 2010 at 3:31 PM
  • News

    Vikram Pandit’s Social Calendar Totally Open To Attend Obama’s Financial Reg Signing

    Jamie and Lloyd weren’t invited (not that they’d slum it at something like this anyway), and James Gorman, Robert Wolf, Brian Moynihan and Bob Diamond declined to attend having other plans but Vikram will be there, Mr. President! With bells on!

    / Jul 20, 2010 at 6:00 PM
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    Mike Mayo Doesn’t Think JPMorgan’s That Great

    For the most part, you can’t swing a BD without knocking into someone who would rate Jamie Dimon on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being “love that guy” 10 being “I’ve built a shrine to his cock at my desk.” Notice I said “FOR THE MOST PART.” Last week a guy on Facebook […]

    / Jul 14, 2010 at 4:57 PM
  • News

    Here’s Why Sean Michael Carey Wants You To Punch Jamie Dimon In The Balls

    Yesterday a fellow named Sean Michael Carey started a Facebook group called “Punch Jamie Dimon (CEO of JPMorgan Chase) in the Balls,” the stated purpose being exactly that. He didn’t say why he wanted someone to inflict harm on JD’s (glorious, possibly cup-protected) sack, only that after doing so, you should add “Sean Michael Carey […]

    / Jul 9, 2010 at 4:36 PM
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    California Resident Sean Carey Wants You To Do Something To Jamie Dimon’s Balls

    Generally, when the topic of Jamie Dimon comes up, vis-a-vis his nuts, and what people would like to do to them, the answers tend to veer toward “build a shrine to them,” “nuzzle them,” “gaze lovingly at them,” “have them rest on my chin,” “put them in my mouth” and “create a mold of them […]

    / Jul 8, 2010 at 3:27 PM
  • News

    Who Will Be The Next To Run JPMorgan?

    Jamie Dimon has only narrowed it down to three (Doug Braunstein, Mike Cavanagh, and Heidi Miller) but Miller is seen as a front runner, due to the fact that she takes no shit, or prisoners, especially from JD. “This is someone who has the capability of staring Jamie Dimon down, so that’s obviously served her […]

    / Jun 22, 2010 at 4:45 PM
  • News

    Confidential To Brian Moynihan, The White House Is Just Using You To Rankle Jamie Dimon

    Time was, Jamie Dimon was referred to as “Obama’s favorite banker.” And for a while, he really was! And why shouldn’t he be? He’s a lifelong Democrat, he basically put Obama in office, he attended the 3-day inauguration in support of his guy. He’s extremely good-looking. He loves universal healthcare. He’s got charm and charisma […]

    / Jun 17, 2010 at 12:10 PM
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    Watch Out Jamie, Crisis Commission is Gunning For You

    Charles, in an “undisclosed location,” reporting:

    / Jun 9, 2010 at 3:07 PM
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    Shots Fired

    Chase bank will lose ample assets if it cans the “too hot” Debrahlee Lorenzana. Customers at the bank’s Williamsburg, Brooklyn, branch said yesterday that they’d take their business elsewhere if Chase fires her for talking about her lawsuit against her previous employer Citibank. “It’s bad and it’s not fair. She should be allowed to talk, […]

    / Jun 8, 2010 at 4:02 PM
  • News

    Did Jamie Dimon Give Senator Gillibrand A Piece Of His Mind?

    According to Charlie Gasparino, in between telling Debrahlee Lorenzana to zip the lip, the CEO of JPMorgan’s had another broad to deal with. This time the topic wasn’t about mouth-running or Citi or asses or Vikram but it got just as wild. FOX Business has learned that JPMorgan officials, all the way from lobbyists to […]

    / Jun 8, 2010 at 2:15 PM
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    Too Hot For Citi Banker Now Threatening To Sue JPMorgan

    Over the weekend, Debrahlee Lorenzana was warned by her new employer, JPMorgan Chase, to can it with the interviews re: being fired from Citi for allegedly being too hot to handle. Supposedly, the order came directly from the top. Defying James Dimon, Lorenzana and her lawyer, Jack “Get a load of these” Tuckner, appeared on […]

    / Jun 8, 2010 at 12:24 PM
  • News

    Jamie Dimon Would Like “Too Hot For Citi” Chick To Put A Sock In It

    Last Wednesday (really, it was just last Wednesday), the world was introduced to Debrahlee Lorenzana, the woman claiming she was fired from her job as a “business banker” at Citi for being too hot. Her former employer allegedly told her to tone down said hotness by wearing clothes that didn’t highlight what her lawyer, Jack […]

    / Jun 7, 2010 at 10:45 AM
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    CEO’s No One Gives A Rat’s Ass About Bravely Gave The Finger To 2009’s Compensation Trend

    Wells Fargo’s John Stumpf. Travelers Cos’s Jay Fishman. Chubb Corp’s John Finnegan. According to the July issue of Bloomberg Markets, all three men “are defying a trend,” by taking home $21.3 million, $20.6 million, and $19.2 million, while many of their fellow CEO’s dialed it down on payday. Why were they able to take such […]

    / May 26, 2010 at 1:08 PM
  • News

    Lloyd Blankfein, Jamie Dimon Keep The Yuks Coming

    Without question, it’s been a difficult year and a half for Lloyd Blankfein and Jamie Dimon. While they may not have had to deal with the abysmal failures of some of their peers, they’ve had to grapple with something perhaps even more difficult: being punished for their manifold success. Peasants with pitchforks, deranged Rolling Stone […]

    / May 24, 2010 at 9:00 AM
  • News

    Bank CEO’s Opt Out Of Obama Dinner Date, Mid-Tier Hedge Fund Guys Take Part

    Following his pit-stop for wings in Buffalo yesterday, Obama spoke at a campaign fundraiser at The St. Regis hotel, which you might’ve assumed would be attended by top Wall Street brass. Jamie, since they’re buds. Lloyd, because he has to. Vikram, because his plans always fall through. But you would’ve assumed wrong! The bank CEO’s […]

    / May 14, 2010 at 10:45 AM
  • News

    Waiting For Jamie Dimon To Do The Right Thing

    When I think of JPMorgan CEO James Dimon, a few things come to mind. His (devastatingly good) looks. His charm. His jokes. His (alleged) illegal tire dumping. I also think of a guy who takes pride in his roots, which the Dimon family can trace back to a little European country going through a rough […]

    / May 13, 2010 at 3:02 PM
  • News

    Syracuse Students To Show Jamie Dimon Their Tits

    It’s part of their new tactic re: protesting his commencement speech this weekend. Which oughta send a message.

    / May 13, 2010 at 2:04 PM
  • News

    So This Happened…

    A rap by Syracuse University student “Delirium” (née) Marcus Neal about this weekend’s commencement, and its speaker, the honorable James Dimon. Finally, a Rap About Jamie Dimon’s Forthcoming Commencement Address at Syracuse [Daily Intel] Earlier: Syracuse Finance Major Would Like Jamie Dimon To Know He’s Pullin’ For The Guy Syracuse University Students Under The Impression […]

    / May 12, 2010 at 1:09 PM
  • News

    Testing Jamie Dimon’s Cougar Knowledge

    Last night at the Robin Hood Foundation’s annual gala, Jimmy Fallon appeared on stage wearing a cowboy hat, and in a Southern accent, sang an original song entitled “Cougar Huntin’.” Apparently it was funny and references to the group of 40+ year old women who seek out younger men to use as their sex toys […]

    / May 11, 2010 at 1:15 PM
  • News

    Take That Lloyd: JPM Traders also Had a Perfect Quarter

    Goldman Sachs traders aren’t the only ones on Wall Street to make money on every single trading day last quarter. JPMorgan had average daily trading revenue of $118 million for the quarter and never ended a day with a net loss, according to a filing on Monday.

    / May 11, 2010 at 11:45 AM
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    “Fire at JPMorgan– top floor of 270 Park (which has a kitchen), fire dept just arrived.”

    / May 10, 2010 at 12:33 PM
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    Protestors Storm JPMorgan Office

    A reader just sent us this photo, purported to be from 270 Park Ave. where angry protestors have pushed their way into JPMorgan’s headquarters. We’ll update as more info comes in. Not sure if they’re from Syracuse or not. Update: Apparently the protestors are from this group, which plans to stage some sort of big […]

    / Apr 29, 2010 at 2:29 PM
  • News

    Jamie Dimon Not The Only CEO Whose Commencement Address Is Being Protested

    Let it be known: you do not have to be a strapping, beautiful, devastatingly charming bank executive and no friend of the city of Atlanta to have university students get their panties in a bunch over your speaking engagements at their school. Members of Columbia’s School of International and Public Affairs are “up in arms” […]

    / Apr 21, 2010 at 1:10 PM
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    Syracuse Finance Major Would Like Jamie Dimon To Know He’s Pullin’ For The Guy

    Good afternoon, I am a current student at SU, studying Broadcast Journalism, Finance and Accounting. While much of the reporting has covered the protests, not enough has focused on the support for Dimon. I am one of the handfuls who is in favor of bringing in Dimon as a speaker, because Dimon is a MUCH […]

    / Apr 16, 2010 at 5:00 PM

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