Jeffrey Gundlach

  • 20 Feb 2014 at 6:18 PM

Jeffrey Gundlach Feels Like He’s Getting Screwed

In a plot line not totally dissimilar to that of his favorite film, Ass Traffic: Volume 8. Read more »

  • 06 Feb 2014 at 1:53 PM

Man Of Many Enthusiams Enthusiastic About Last Month

He’s not quite ready to throw a party or sing, but Jeffrey Gundlach sure is glad he was wrong about the Fed taper. Read more »

A regional Fed bank president and a man of many enthusiasms suggest that there will be no taper in your trick-or-treat bag or under your Christmas tree. Read more »

There is no denying that Jeffrey Gundlach is a hugely talented man whose IQ would rank among the highest in the world if he ever had it tested. “What’s it like having lunch with a genius,” he once asked a colleague, who presumably answered, “To be honest, it’s giving me an inferiority complex just breathing the same air as you, knowing that your brain is the standard for how intelligence will be measured from now until the end of eternity.” Until recently, however, the application of Gundlach’s brilliance was largely confined to bond management. According to a new profile by Bloomberg Markets, though, Gundlach’s intellectual prowess is just as if not more impressive when it comes to crime solving. Read more »

  • 28 Sep 2012 at 12:41 PM

Jeffrey Gundlach’s Babies Come Home

Just a week after putting out an AMBER alert that several of his beloved pieces of art had gone missing during a heist on his home and a mere four days after an emotional press conference pleading with the public to help him find them, bond manager Jeffrey Gundlach’s most prized possessions, after his Sexy Slave KitTM, have been recovered. Read more »

4:00-4:05 Either people who have never taken part in a conference call are participating today and pressing buttons on their phone every five seconds or someone is thrusting someone else up against their office phone over and over and over again.
4:06 Gundlach is offering $1 million for information leading to the return of each stolen piece of the Mondrian and $500,000 for the Jasper Johns and Joseph Cornell pieces. $200,00 for information in general still stands.
4:07 Buttons are still being pressed, now sirens in the background. Shouts of “what the fuck is going on here” are heard.
4:08 Talking Heads’ “This Must Be The Place” is now playing (over the sirens).
4:10 Someone is still tapping their pound key and while no one officially ends the call, Gundlach/whoever is running this seem to have lost interest and leave without saying good-bye. Read more »

  • 24 Sep 2012 at 1:30 PM

You Wanna Play Hardball? Jeffrey Gundlach’s Game

A couple weeks back, bond manager, art collector, and porn buff Jeffrey Gundlach had $10 million worth of goods taken him from his home. The loot definitely included pieces by artists Guy Rose (“The Cathedral Tours”) and Joseph Cornell (“Medici Boy”) and possibly included works by C. Everette Smythe (“A Trip Down Mammary Lane”), Jules Jordan (“The Art of Female Ejaculation”), and Brandon Iron (“Swallow My Pride 2″). Understandably beside himself, Gundlach offered $200,000 for the return of his stuff and $1,000 for any information about the thieves who likely targeted his home knowing the vast array of riches to be found inside. Unfortunately, it appears that no leads have popped up and Gundlach has been forced to turn to Plan B: Read more »