“’They’re jealous,’” former Bear Stearns CEO Jimmy Cayne says about Dimon’s critics, in a rare interview since JPMorgan bought the foundering investment bank in March 2008. “’They’re looking at themselves as being unfortunate and being underpaid and being underappreciated, and if there’s a piñata out there to take a swipe at, who better than somebody who’s got everything that they don’t?’” [BusinessWeek]
Jimmy Cayne
When Bear Stearns went down for the dirt nap three years ago to the day (more on the anniversary later), many people assumed having the firm listed as a one-time employer on the résumé would be the equivalent of pulling a Merrill, i.e. it would make you categorically unemployable. Apparently these people had never heard of a guy named John Meriweather who, despite being forced to sign up investors for his latest fund down at the dog track, is proof positive that you can blow it or work for a place that (spectacularly) blows it and it will in no way affect your future prospects. According to Bloomberg and former BSC chairman Ace Greenberg, most Bear execs have “landed on their feet.” Read more »
Which ‘Very Powerful, Highly Respected Banker’ Did Donald Trump Allegedly Have To Carry Out Of The Waldorf Because He Was So Hammered?
By Bess Levin
Here’s what the Don said last night on CNN’s “Piers Morgan Tonight” when asked about mingling with sauced up members of the business community:
“There’s a banker — and obviously I’m not going to mention names…I’ll never forget a very respected banker, highly respected. And he was making a speech at the Waldorf Astoria. And he was very tipsy, very — and shortly thereafter, he was just totally stone cold drunk. There were probably 2,000 people, 1,500 people at this dinner. It was a very big event. And we carried him out on his back. We carried him out literally on his back and — And I never felt the same way about him.
Trump went on to say he can’t even look at the guy anymore and that he’s “lost all respect” for him. Choking back tears**, Trump wouldn’t say who his fallen hero is or if he had to hold the guy’s hair back as he vomited on the street corner but he did offer one more clue. Read more »
Jimmy Cayne Pleased To Hear Word Of Ex-Bear Co-President Warren Spector’s Possible Love Of Obama/Dudes
By Bess Levin
As you may have heard, Charlie Gasparino’s latest book is out October 5. It’s called “Bought And Paid For: The Unholy Alliance Between Barack Obama and Wall Street.” As you may have also heard, Jimmy Cayne is a major fan of describing every one of his opponents as a homosexual. The former Bear Stearns CEO told William Cohan Tim Geithner was a glorified gay office clerk and he described the lawyer of an an investor who sued Bear Stearns in 1996 for negligence and a breach of fiduciary duty as “a 300-pound fag from Long Island,” who Cayne confronted in the bathroom of the courthouse, while he was taking a piss, by saying “Today you’re going to get your ass kicked, big” (the attorney ran out of the room, confirming JC’s suspicions he was a fairy boy). Where does “the unholy alliance between Barack Obama and Wall Street” and conservative Jimmy Cayne’s interest in what other men do with their dicks converge? In Charlie Gasparino’s fourth contribution to literature and understanding, of course. Read more »
Ace Greenberg Doesn’t Take Any Of The Adminstration’s Anti-Wall Street Sentiment Personally, Thinks Everyone Should Chill About Europe, Has His Reasons For Not Meeting With Jimmy Cayne
By Bess Levin
Why wouldn’t the magician, philosopher, former Chairman of Bear Stearns and former friend o’ Jimmy not want to see his old pal, who he hasn’t spoken to since Bear was sold to JPMorgan (where Greenberg took a gig, while JC chose to spend his time perfecting the perfect panini to eat whilst baked)? According to a new interview with AG, it involves a desire to avoid stepping in shit. Also, Cayne impugned on the dignity of magicians.
IDD: If you ran into [Cayne], what would you say to him?
Greenberg: I would not like to step in horses—. So why would I stand around him? He’s a lying f—. Some of those lies in “House of Cards.” Lies about my wife — how could he bring my wife in that? How could he do that? He’s just a miserable, unhappy person…He said in the book, I understand, that when it came time for bonuses, I called the key men in and threw their bonuses on the floor and made them get on the floor and pick up their bonuses. Does that sound like me, really? Is that how you build a firm? A guy doing magic tricks, would he do that? Read more »
Live-Blogging Cruel And Unusual Punishment: Cayne Dragged Before Meaningless Hearing On Second Favorite Day Of The Year
By Bess Levin
12:10 Sure, it would’ve been worse to do it on 4/20 but Cinco de Mayo? Still pretty mean.
12:12 This thing is set to get underway in a few minutes. While we wait, I have a ton of items on the “wish-list” but beyond the obvious, I really, really want him to act like a stoned 17 year old who just got busted. “I know my rights, man.” “I’ve read the constitution.”
12:20 LET’S DO THIS. Reading of the prepared statements. Incredibly, CNBC thinks interviewing the CEO of Nike is more important than Big Jim, so you can follow along here.
12:30: Alan Schwartz maintains that Bear was awash– nay, drowning– in liquidity days before it went down for the dirt nap.
12:32: Jim concedes, “in retrospect, in hindsight, leverage was a bit too high.”
12:41: Angelides: Could you have done anything to prevent that weekend in March?
Cayne: Nothing. There was nothing that could have been done. We were taken down by hedge funds. Bear Stearns [and these words seriously just exited JC's mouth] “was a big fat goose walking down the lane that’s about to be eaten up by competitors.”
Angelides: You were in Detroit that weekend, right? At a bridge tournament?
Cayne: That’s correct. Read more »
Jimmy Cayne: “My office door was always open to any employee who had concerns about violations of our risk or compliance policies, or any other inappropriate conduct.”
By Bess Levin
Except when I was hot-boxing it. You know how that goes, Mr. Chairman. You really need the area completely sealed off. I find using a towel helps. Anywhoooo….so, other than those times– always open! For example, one time a guy came in and wanted to know why my office smelled like pot, which I explained to him had nothing to do with me getting high at work, but rather the fact that I’d just gotten a new leather couch, and as everyone knows, new leather couches often reek of weed. Read more »
[Photo taken by Roy Welland, a former Bear client and "a long-time Cayne nemesis." Welland was the one who called the cops on Cayne for hot-boxing a DoubleTree men's room at a bridge tournament in Memphis.]
Jimmy Cayne Spotting: The Ex-Bear CEO At a Reno Poker Table [WSJ]
This is the one we’ve been waiting for.
James Cayne and Alan Schwartz, who served as chief executive officers at Bear Stearns before the firm collapsed in 2008, will testify on May 5 along with former Securities and Exchange Commission Chairman Christopher Cox, the commission said today in an e-mail statement.
Since recent events have demonstrated the government’s inability to ask the right questions, and we want to actually get something out of this thing, let’s come up with a few now to send their way. I’ll start: Mr. Cayne. When confronted about the fact that your office smelled like pot, you attributed the scent of marijuana to “a new leather couch in my office,” and later demanded a fellow executive come take a whiff, asking him, and I quote, “does the couch smell like pot or not?” Did you realize at the time just how genius that was or, in a rare moment of self-awareness combined with a seriously paranoid trip,* did you sweat bullets figuring no one would buy it?
Geithner, Bear Stearns Executives to Testify for Crisis Panel [Bloomberg via DI]
*That’s the last time you buy from a degenerate first year in the alley behind 383 Madison.
Jimmy Cayne may have taken a billion-dollar bath on the collapse of Bear Stearns, but that hasn’t kept him from continuing to hack up fairways from Jersey to Florida.
A quick check on GHIN.com shows his highness has entered six scores in the first seven days of April. (We’re not sure if he’s playing on his home turf at the Jersey Shore or at the Boca Rio.) Read more »
As previously mentioned, HBO has purchased the rights to Andrew Ross Sorkin’s Too Big To Fail. John Mack has stated that his part should go to Bobby DeNiro and that of Lloyd Blankfein to Danny DeVito. Today the HuffPo has offered its picks for the other spots and while we’re in strong agreement with some (Stephen Colbert as carpet-lover John Thain, Lucille Bluth doing Nancy Pelosi), in others we beg to differ (there should be an open casting call for child actors to play Tim Geithner). Also, they don’t have any suggestions for Vikram Pandit or Jimmy Cayne. The former is a toughie, the latter Gary Busey, no questions asked (he’s got the blonde hair, huge teeth, love of drugs and looks good in a pair of Zubaz). And finally, no one’s figured out where we can find a place for Drew Carey, who’s apparently been lobbying hard for a role, as has Gary Coleman. Let’s do the producers a solid and take two today to finish this thing off right. You’re not doing anything anyway (except for watching this.)
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