Joe Kernen

  • 10 Jan 2013 at 3:15 PM

Want To Wake Up With Mandy Drury?

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Or Becky Quick? Or Andrew Ross Sorkin? Joe Kernen? Jim Cramer? Because you think it would be a pleasant way to start the morning or, alternatively, a horrifying way sure to get you out of bed without delay? Now you can! Read more »

  • 10 Oct 2012 at 12:37 PM

What? Joe Kernen Asks A Lot Of Squawk Box Guests If Their Employees Are Virgins Or Not

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Why is everyone acting like that’s so awkward? Why is Becky turning bright red? Why is Andrew wishing there were a trap door under his chair? Why is the other guest looking at Woody Johnson like “Wow…” Oh, well just excuse the hell out of me. No, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize we couldn’t ask the questions that everyone is thinking. No, no, it’s fine, I’ll just awkwardly change the subject by complimenting Woody’s tie and maybe in the future Dr. J takes his completely reasonable queries elsewhere. Read more »

  • 16 May 2012 at 1:01 PM

Caption Contest Wednesday

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[via NJD]

  • 15 Jul 2011 at 1:06 PM

Andrew Ross Sorkin To Be The First Thing You See In The Morning

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First thing you see on TV, that is, as ARS is replacing Carl Quintanilla on Squawk Box. Apparently the CNBC team searched high and low for the right person to recreate the raw chemistry between the long-running threesome of Joe, Becky and Carl and concluded Sorkin’s the man for the job. Read more »

  • 05 May 2011 at 3:12 PM

Joe Kernen Wants To Save Your Children From Brainwashing By Liberals Who Hate Capitalism And Are Poisoning Their Minds

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He’s so serious about the issue he wrote a book about it, which you unfortunately can’t buy until May 12th. By then, it might be too late.

  • 05 Oct 2010 at 10:36 AM

CNBC Anchor Gets Choked Up At The Notion Of Billionaire Leon Cooperman Keeping The Government’s Hands Off His Money

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Billionaire hedge fund manager Leon Cooperman was on Squawk Box this morning discussing a whole mess of issues, including a recent pledge to give away nearly all his money to charity. Cooperman has signed on to the Buffett/Gates initiative to donate half his wealth but today he told CNBC, “Every dollar I make, I’ll give it away because what I’ve planned to leave to my children, that’s already been set.”

Cooperman went on to start explaining that he just feels like this is “the right thing to do” and helping those less fortunate is what he and his wife “get the most enjoyment out of.” But Joe Kernen knew in his heart of hearts there was another reason. Read more »

  • 21 Jun 2010 at 5:22 PM

In Case You Needed A Visual, Charlie Gasparino Produces The Towel He Used To Wear While Intimidating Joe Kernen In The Locker Room, With His Schlong

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Last Friday, in response to Joe Kernen referring to Fox Business as a bunch of “wing-nuts” Charlie Gasparino recounted, on-air, the great times he used to have scaring JK in the CNBC locker room, by walking around in a towel and hinting at what could potentially be in store for his colleague. Today, for some reason, CG brought said towel on his afternoon hit, during which he cautioned his co-host to be careful, as the thing was “moist.” Stay tuned tomorrow, when viewers get a glimpse of Chaz’s favorite tube sock (the one he used to use while fantasizing about Sophia Loren and his mother’s meat sauce). Read more »

  • 18 Jun 2010 at 4:48 PM

Charlie Gasparino Reminisces About Intimidating Joe Kernen In The Locker Room, With His Schlong

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If you haven’t been keeping up with your financial talking head drama, you (like me) might’ve missed the fact that yesterday on CNBC, Joe Kernen referred to Fox Business as a bunch of “wing-nuts.” Fox did not like this! And you know who at Fox really didn’t like it? Charles Gasparino. How dare Kernen refer to Chaz’s new employer as such. “Fuck that guy Joe,” Gaspo said to the girl doing his make-up as he worked himself into a frenzy over the offense. “Who does he is, thinking he can condesend to my people,” Gaspo asked her before shouting “I said easy on the blusher, easy!”  There was only one way to let Kernen know CG would not be taking this offense sitting down– by taking to the airwaves and telling everyone about how he used to inspire prison rape fantasies in JK. (FYI, this is not the first time Chaz has mentioned himself/Kernen and soap dropping on live TV. To wit, two years ago CG commented breathlessly: “Joe is a little intimidated by me. Every time Joe sees me in the CNBC locker room, half naked with a towel around my waist and my tattoo showing he gets a flash back from a prison movie. Joe’s workout is 2.7 miles every other day on the treadmill.”) Read more »