John Carris Investments

Has he said “No, I got this” when the time came to compensate the fellow who inked the words “Buy Low Sell High Never Die” in an old-timey font down the left side of your neck and “Mama’s Boy” down the right? Has he paid for the oil changes on your Harley? Has he helped you shop for the most luxurious of cat beds, as well as a set of duchess satin pillowcases to go with, for Mr. Whiskerson, and then winked at you and said “It’s on me” at the register? If you answered no to any of the above, you might want to fire your broker and get in touch with George Carris, who knows how to treat his clients right. Read more »

  • 09 Jan 2012 at 10:47 AM

Jon Corzine Isn’t Finished Here

Back in November, shortly after MF Global filed for bankruptcy, many suggested that even if he changed his name and underwent an appearance-altering makeover that included shaving the beard, it would be unlikely that Jon Corzine would ever work again, whether on Wall Street or as a traveling vacuum salesman going door to door to push his product. No, people said– he was finished. Forward his non-existent calls to the couch, where you’d be able to find him on any given morning, eating cereal out of a punch bowl and shouting “Oh shit! Paternity tests don’t lie!” along with the Maury audience before his pre-afternoon nap. How could he possibly find gainful employment again, after all that’d happened, people asked before answering that no, it was impossible. At the time, we cautioned not to underestimate the fire inside JSC, who has never let setbacks define him and who would likely soon demonstrate his conviction in the saying tattooed on his ass- “Each time a door closes, a bigger, more fucking awesome one opens.” Assuming he can cover the rent, that door has come. Read more »