As you undoubtedly know by now, during the course of his preparation for Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps, Shia LaBeouf became a master trader. He worked with the guys at Encino Charles Schwab office, Citi and John Thomas Financial, he turned $20,000 into almost half a mill, he’s thisclose to becoming a Chartered Financial Analyst and he knows exactly what it takes to get hired at Goldman Sachs. He’s spoken of his pedigree many, many times, under the guise of promoting the movie all the while communicating to Wall Street that there’s a new Josh Birnbaum in town and so far, things have been coming together quite nicely. He has offers coming out the ass, he senses that Lloyd is just waiting for the right moment to can Viniar and offer him the gig and re: Shia LaBeouf Capital Management, all I’m going to say is that it’s been communicated from Stamford that the seed money is there for the taking. And up until this point, the plan has gone off without a hitch, because his co-star, Josh Brolin, has kept his trap shut. You see, kids, because he achieved none of the theatrical success young Shia did at an early age, brolin had to start day trading in order to pay the bills. He achieved a tiny modicum of success but nothing like LaB. Did he trade on his cell phone? No! Did he have Bloomberg on speed-dial? No! And yet this prick is now going around telling people how fucking great he is at making it rain. Read more »
- 27 Nov 2013 at 1:30 PM
The holiday season is nigh and you still haven’t shopped. While you’re dreaming only of sugar plum fairies bearing fat bonuses, you don’t the time to mingle with the riff raff at some big box nightmare. Dealbreaker is here to help. Behold the 2013 Dealbreaker Holiday Gift Guide, chockfull of descriptors like “custom,” “gourmet,” “housecleaning,” and “DB swag.”
Click through to check out all of our gift choices for the hardcore capitalist in your life.
- Josh Brolin's Mouth-Running Threatening To Overshadow Shia LaBeouf's Wall Street Career May 17, 2010
- Opening Bell: 12.09.13 December 9, 2013
- Using Yiddish Word For Screwing Only One Of The Many Colorful Ways That Bernie Madoff Made Clear He Was Up To No Good December 6, 2013
- Credit Suisse Employee Moonlights As Breakdancing National Champion December 6, 2013
- Don't Want To Get On Compliance's Watch List? Consider Not Going On Endlessly About How Ravenous You Are Or How They're Expecting You At Chipotle; One "God Damn It I'm Starving" Or "Need Burrito In Mouth, Stat" Should Suffice December 6, 2013
- Who Among Us Wouldn't Listen To A Guy Pitch An Investment Involving "Pay-Per-View Programming Starring Carmen Electra" And Proceed To Wire Him $195,000? December 5, 2013
- Tommy Belesis Will Have To Wait At Least 1 Year Before Threatening To Hit Another Broker With His Car December 5, 2013
- The 2013 Dealbreaker Holiday Gift Guide November 27, 2013
- Charlie Gasparino's Gut Tells Him Trouble Is Brewing At Goldman Sachs, Though In Fairness That Could Just Be Last Night's Chinese December 6, 2013
- Christmas Come Early For John Paulson December 6, 2013
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- Bess Levin
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