JPMorgan Chase

Ready to settle this thing like men, if necessary.Jamie Dimon isn’t convinced that JPMorgan Chase would be better off with him running only half of it. He is convinced that it would be better off if the Feds stopped taking their $1 billion of flesh every quarter. Alas, he can’t promise that they will. Read more »

Opportunity!By its own calculations, the bank has already given away more than half the money it has to give away to keep the Justice Department from filing criminal charges against it, and it’s not afraid to say so.

“We continue to help thousands of families become homeowners and assist those who may be struggling,” a J.P. Morgan spokeswoman said.

With a gun to their head, sure, but all the same. And should you miss out of this coerced generosity, you needn’t fear. Jamie Dimon’s only handling $4 billion of the $13.5 billion in forced largesse; you could always try your hand at Citi or BofA. Read more »

Workshop it, damnit!Eight years ago, there was much handwringing over the plan. Such as, won’t this violate the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act and lead to an extremely embarrassing criminal investigation one day? And, how we will make sure that the brain-dead progeny of the people we need don’t lose us too much money? Read more »

  • 21 Oct 2014 at 3:06 PM
  • Banks

De Blasio To Dimon: F*ck You And F*ck Your Tax Breaks

jamie-dimon (2)JPMorgan Chase’s cap-in-hand routine isn’t flying with the Big Apple chief. Read more »

We all know that it is better to be safe than sorry. But JPMorgan is definitely pretty sorry about that whole 76-million-customer hack job. And now that it is, it has decided that it is better to be safe and sorry than not safe and still sorry, or something. Even if that costs an extra $125 million a year. Read more »

  • 09 Oct 2014 at 12:36 PM
  • Banks

President Obama Has A Question About The JPMorgan Cyberattack

Alas, there is no answer. Read more »

  • 02 Oct 2014 at 10:00 AM
  • Banks

Will Crisis-Era Litigation Ever End For Banks?

Not any time soon, no. Read more »

  • 16 Sep 2014 at 11:30 AM
  • Banks

JPMorgan Giving Profitable Helping Hand To Smaller Peers

Are you a bank? Do you need money? Give Jamie Dimon a call! Read more »