It’s clear that I am a terrible person because I continue to be unable to get all that excited about banks that commit fraud. And the big thing today is that the SEC doesn’t put banks out of business just for committing fraud, which I think is rather sporting of them but lots of people disagree.
Here’s the issue:
By granting exemptions to laws and regulations that act as a deterrent to securities fraud, the S.E.C. has let financial giants like JPMorganChase, Goldman Sachs and Bank of America continue to have advantages reserved for the most dependable companies, making it easier for them to raise money from investors, for example, and to avoid liability from lawsuits if their financial forecasts turn out to be wrong.
An analysis by The New York Times of S.E.C. investigations over the last decade found nearly 350 instances where the agency has given big Wall Street institutions and other financial companies a pass on those or other sanctions. Those instances also include waivers permitting firms to underwrite certain stock and bond sales and manage mutual fund portfolios.
JPMorganChase, for example, has settled six fraud cases in the last 13 years, including one with a $228 million settlement last summer, but it has obtained at least 22 waivers, in part by arguing that it has “a strong record of compliance with securities laws.”
Ha ha ha strong record of compliance with a fraud case every two years or so! What a sham! Except that JPMorgan actually does have a strong record of compliance, and is generally viewed as being pretty conservative and law-abiding.
This stuff stirs emotions because it’s hard to think about who is being punished here. Corporations are people, my friend (still), but in the way Mitt Romney meant it, not in the way everyone pretended to take it. Like: JPMorgan employs a lot of people, and some of them are maniacs and crooks and liars and most of them aren’t and that’s true of … the SEC, for instance, and The New York Times,* and anyone else who wants to give them shit for their fraudulosity. But JPMorgan isn’t an individual human, not any more anyway. So saying “JPMorgan is crooks” is sort of nonsensical. Continue reading »
Those of you who’ve been in the working world for a while have probably experienced the IM softball/soccer/basketball thing. What you probably haven’t experienced is being on a team that actually puts in the work to go all the way, rather than simply showing up to dick around for a free tee-shirt and to maybe get trashed with colleagues after games. For the men who’ve earned the privilege of serving on the JPMorgan 2012 London basketball team, things are going to be a bit different, as noted in the extremely detailed strategy email sent out by its amped up captain and obtained by Deadspin. For starters, in addition to two training sessions (plus games) each week, there’s going to be homework. Come prepared and it’s all good; show up not knowing your shit and so help you god.
From: redacted at jpmorgan dot com
Sent: Wednesday, January 25, 2012 7:11 PM
Subject: Training
Fellas,
Thanks to all of you who were able to attend last night’s session. I’m amped because we are finally approaching the right commitment levels to become a really strong squad. We have a very talented group of individuals, but our growth as a team will be dictated by the amount of work we put in together. I hope you guys share my enthusiasm for what we can become.
Continue reading »
Cuts are said to be going down at the House o’ Dimon. Continue reading »
The take-away here is put in for that transfer to Brazil? From the front lines: Continue reading »
JPMorgan earnings this morning were a bit disappointing, with investment banking revenue down 30% y/o/y in what may be a bad sign for the rest of the industry, but the Jamie & Doug In The Morning Show remains finance’s top-rated program in its time slot and it did not disappoint today. This is in part because the callers have learned how to play to the hosts’ strengths; my favorite part of the call went something like this (paraphrasing slightly):
Jamie Dimon: Ooh I hates me some regulators. Next question?
Analyst: Wow. After Jamie’s speech about regulators, my question is going to sound really mundane. [Asks mundane question]
Braunstein: [Gives mundane answer]
Analyst: So, Jamie, do you want to say anything more about regulators?
Dimon: Sure! [Does]
But Dimon’s statement that “basically there’s no one in charge of the global financial system” was more or less unprovoked. It was also the main theme of his remarks, particularly about Europe, where “regulatory policy is completely contradictory to government objectives” as the ECB throws gobs of money at banks to encourage them to lend and keep their governments afloat, at the same time that regulators tighten capital standards, reducing lending, and crack down on holdings of dicey peripheral government bonds. For himself, he’s a big fan of the ECB’s work on liquidity, less keen on Basel et al.’s work on capital requirements. There is no book-talking whatsoever here.*
Continue reading »
As you may have heard, bonus season this year is going to be a bit tricky, on account of the fact that Wall Street banks didn’t make much in the way of cash in 2011. While paying some seniors staff zero dollars is being considered, it still may not be enough to pick up the slack. There is one idea that’s been floated among firms but shot down, so far, for fear of being too risky, so risky that it’s probably not even safe to mention it here but I’m gonna– freezing pay for junior staff. (Oh god, shhh, don’t say it aloud, we don’t want to start a run on the banks!) Everyone wants to do it but no one’s got the cojones, fearing the backlash that would come from angering “future stars” whose names will be learned in 5-7 years when they graduate from second class citizen status. No, the consequences would be dire. Unless…unless everyone put up a united front against these incredibly powerful and intimidating people? Continue reading »
Daniela Rausnitz, who had a torrid affair with married investment banker David Gray, 28, sent him steamy messages just days before she sicced London cops on him, according to testimony in the case. “There were countless texts and e-mails in early August of a very affectionate nature,” said Gray’s London attorney, Dan O’Callaghan yesterday. O’Callaghan and Gray’s mother said the number-crunching nerd simply lost his mind after his colleague at JPMorgan Chase dumped him for another guy, deluging her with hundreds of e-mails. [NYP, earlier]
Time was, Daniela Rausnitz and David Gray had something special. Following a summer of flirtation across cubicles- Daniela was an intern at JPMorgan, David a “high-flying” third year analyst- the two got together after Daniela graduated from Duke and their relationship was “cemented” when David consoled her over being “sexually harassed by a senior member of the bank.” Things were said to have gotten so serious that David, a Cornell ’04 graduate, even entertained the idea of leaving his wife. Unfortunately, things hit a rough patch after Daniela transferred to JPMorgan’s London office and Big D began “stifling” her. Consequently, Daniela decided to pump the brakes and end things. Still Married David, however, knew better. These two, Daniela and Dave, were meant to be together. Meant for each other. So he did what any other romantic in his shoes would do, and waged a campaign to get her back. Said campaign included the following moves:
* Sending her 176 text messages and 23 emails over just 16 hours
* Using his old key to get into her apartment
* Claiming “he was critically ill in a desperate effort to attract her attention.”
* Hacking her email
* Planting “a tracking device in her phone”
At this point, there’s a chance Gray stepped back and asked himself, “Is it possible I’m coming on too strong”? A silly question, obviously, as he already knew the answer, which was: “No, no strong enough.” So he doubled down on Operation You’re The One For Me. Continue reading »
…despite a cold, relentless November rain Wednesday night, several hundred people marched to the Sheraton Hotel in downtown Seattle, where Dimon was a keynote speaker at an awards ceremony for the University of Washington’s Foster School of Business. Sixth Avenue in front of the hotel was closed to traffic for less than an hour as protesters tried to block hotel entrances by locking arms. Police used pepper spray to clear a side entrance near the corner of Pike Street and Seventh Avenue so hotel patrons could enter or leave. The protest began at 6 p.m. and lasted 3 ½ hours. They stood outside and chanted slogans, while people inside sipped cocktails and looked down from a reception area with curiosity. The number of protesters dwindled after about an hour because of rain, but more than 100 stayed on to stake out the hotel. They left at 9:30 p.m. after learning that Dimon had reportedly left about 9 p.m. [Seattle Times]
