To settle a barrage of government legal actions over the last year, JPMorgan Chase has agreed to penalties that now total $20 billion, a sum that could cover the annual education budget of New York City or finance the Yankees’ payroll for 100 years. It is also a figure that most of the nation’s banks could not withstand if they had to pay it. But since the financial crisis, JPMorgan has become so large and profitable that it has been able to weather the government’s legal blitz, which has touched many parts of the bank’s sprawling operations. The latest hit to JPMorgan came on Tuesday, when federal prosecutors imposed a $1.7 billion penalty on the bank for failing to report Bernard L. Madoff’s suspicious activities to the authorities. Yet JPMorgan’s shares are up 28 percent over the last 12 months. Wall Street analysts estimate that it will earn as much as $23 billion in profit this year, more than any other lender. And JPMorgan’s investment bankers, who on average earned $217,000 in 2012, can look forward to another lush payday as bonus season approaches. “The fines have been manageable in the context of the bank’s earnings capacity,” Jason Goldberg, a bank analyst at Barclays, said. “It makes $25 billion in revenue per quarter and has record capital.” [Dealbook]
Could JP Morgan Have Tried A Little Harder To Figure Out Bernie Madoff Was Pulling A Fast One? Yes, The Bank Will Give You That OneBy Bess Levin
In retrospect, JPM could’ve maybe solved that puzzle using the clues Madoff provided. Maybe. Read more »
Jamie Dimon Sees The Kardashian’s David LaChappelle-Directed Christmas Card And Raises Them “Tennis With Giant Balls In Our Park Avenue Living Room”By Bess Levin
Earlier this month. Jamie Dimon’s office at 270 Park Avenue. Dimon is on his computer scrolling through pictures. As we get closer, we see that he’s looking at old Kardashian family Christmas cards that Kourtney and Khloe have tweeted, before the big reveal of this, which elicits a “Oh for crying out loud” from Dimon. After a few more moments he picks up the phone.
Judy Dimon: Hello?
Jamie Dimon: It’s me.
Judy Dimon: Oh hi honey, I’m glad you called, do you want me to pack your flannel shirt for the weekend? And what time will you be home, because I think we should get on the road by 5 and–
Jamie Dimon: Yeah, listen, you need to call the Blankfeins and cancel.
Judy Dimon: What do you mean cancel? We’ve been trying to do this weekend in Vermont with them for months.
Jamie Dimon: Can’t do it Judy. Cancel with Laura and then call the girls. Tell them to be at the house for a family meeting at 1900 hours.
Judy Dimon: Jamie what is this about?
Jamie Dimon: You know what it’s about.
Judy Dimon: I want to hear you say it.
Jamie Dimon: Don’t make me, Judy.
Judy Dimon: No, if I’m going to be forced to cancel our weekend with the Blankfeins and devote the next two days straight to what you have planned, I want to hear the words come out of your mouth. Read more »
JP Morgan Multi-Dealer Chatroom Ban Not Just About FX Manipulation (Innocent Dick Jokes Probably A Problem Too)By Bess Levin
JP Morgan Chase and Deutsche Bank are extending bans on the use of multi-dealer online chatrooms, sources familiar with the plans told Reuters, as banks crack down on potentially inappropriate communications following a string of scandals. Chatrooms have been a focus for regulators investigating manipulation of benchmark interest rates and possible rigging in the $5.3 trillion-a-day foreign exchange (FX) market. A source familiar with developments at JP Morgan, the biggest U.S. bank by assets, said the decision was unrelated to the FX probes which surfaced in June, noting chatrooms had been under review at the bank since earlier this year. “This has always been about more than FX,” the source said, adding that the casual nature of online chatrooms increased the potential for “inappropriate” remarks to be made. [Reuters, Related: UBS Making Foreign Exchange Rate Manipulation Mildly More Inconvenient]
Security Footage Reveals “Violent And Terrifying Criminal Stunt” At JP Morgan More Of A “Musical Presentation” Than Previously ThoughtBy Bess Levin
Last October, Reverend Billy (AKA Billy Talen) made his second appearance at JP Morgan. The first time the Reverend showed up at the House of Morgan, he protested the banks practices by putting a “holy hex” on the building. This time, he was there to draw attention to the House of Morgan’s financing of “mountain top removal, dirty coal, fracking, and other types of fossil fuel extraction,” which he did by entering 270 Park, along with members of his Stop Shopping choir who were dressed as frogs, heading up to the third floor (where wealth management offices are located), and belting out a tune on the subject. The Reverend delivered a sermon about JP Morgan’s role in climate change (via its investments), and his flock passed out informational pamphlets to clients and employees. Shortly thereafter, while waiting for the F train, Billy and his choir director Nehemiah Luckett were arrested and charged with riot in the second degree and menacing in the third degree, facing up to one year in prison a piece.* But earlier this week, God intervened: Read more »