Stephen Cutler is pretty sure a 9-figure settlement is still something. It’s the thought that counts. Read more »

  • 21 Nov 2013 at 6:03 PM

Bonus Watch ’13: JP Morgan

If you liked your bonus in 2012, you’ll love what’s coming to you this year. Read more »

  • 20 Nov 2013 at 3:03 PM

Life At JP Morgan Is Looking Up

Yes, the bank just agreed to pay $13 billion to settle only one of the many investigations into its practices. Yes, #AskJPM didn’t exactly go off as planned. Yes, the public outrage reserved for Goldman Sachs has all but turned to 270 Park. Yes, the firm’s headquarters are visited regularly by an exorcist.

And yes, on the surface, all of that looks pretty bad. But none of it matters. Not when a dating website proclaims your (male) employees to be the 4th hottest in New York based on the results of a study that real science went into it doesn’t. Read more »

  • 19 Nov 2013 at 4:48 PM

Whatever Holder Wants, Holder Gets

And little Jamie, little Holder wants $13 billion. Read more »

  • 19 Nov 2013 at 4:10 PM

Reverend Who Put A Hex On JP Morgan Needs Your Help

Back in October, a man who goes by the name of Reverend Billy, AKA Bill Talen, appeared at JP Morgan to protest the bank’s financing of “mountaintop removal, dirty coal, fracking, and other types of fossil fuel extraction.” He did so by entering the building, along with members of his Stop Shopping choir who were dressed as frogs, heading up to the third floor (where wealth management offices are located), and belting out a tune on the subject. The Reverend delivered a sermon about JP Morgan’s role in climate change (via its investments), and his flock passed out informational pamphlets to clients and employees. They exited stage left and shortly thereafter, Billy and his choir director were arrested while waiting for the F train.

This was not the first time Reverend Billy publicly took issue with what JP Morgan does with its money (in June 2010 he put a “holy hex” on the bank), nor was it a first time a man of the cloth paid a visit to the House of Dimon (in March 2011, a church group led by one “Bishop Cush” performed an exorcism on the steps of 270 Park Avenue, sprinkling holy water on the building in an effort to “chase the demons out of Chase”).

But something about this particular exercise struck a chord and now, the Reverend is facing up to 1 year in prison. That’s where you come in. Read more »

Plus a subsidiary of State Street, which apparently had gotten a pass for too long. Read more »

Been thinking about TP’ing your CEO’s house? Or placing a massive trade that, let’s be honest, probably won’t work out and will ultimately cost the firm billions? Or taking the keys to your boss’s vintage Ferrari and driving some colleagues uptown for a joy ride, and when confronted about, claim you thought the office had a “what’s mine is yours” policy? Or dressing up as his wife for Halloween? Thanks to a new compensation plan being considered by London bank, now you can? Read more »

  • 09 Oct 2013 at 5:31 PM

Bonus Watch ’13: JP Morgan

That $11-ish billion legal tab will probably leave a mark on payday. Read more »