Gang, something big has come up this morning and we need to discuss it right now. Don’t want to scare anyone but also don’t want to minimize the enormity of this news so let’s just get right to it. Wall Street has been keeping a secret. Look around at your colleagues this morning. The ones who attended schools like Yale, Princeton and Harvard and played sports like lacrosse and squash and use the word ‘summer’ as a verb and describe the color red as Nantucket red and argue the HJs don’t count if you give them to a guy whose named ends in IV and get aroused at the mere thought of an ACK sticker? They might have had an easier time breaking into the industry than those who graduated from lower ranked universities and did not get their WASP on. Yes, really.
After you’ve picked your jaws up off the floor, you’re presumably going to want to fight us on this and shout “It can’t be!” and “You lie!” Sorry to say it, pumpkins, it’s the truth. But don’t take our word for it- someone actually did a study on the shocking phenomenon. Read more »
When a group of Duke University lacrosse students were wrongfully accused of sexually assaulting a stripper a few years back, did you watch from the sidelines, wracking your brain as to how you could somehow get in on the action? You probably didn’t want to be one of the main players but when the story came up in conversation you didn’t want to comment as simply someone who’d read about it. A bit role was all you needed- just enough to speak authoritatively, like an insider, and/or to assure a mention in the closing credits of some sort of made for TV movie. If you’re taxpaying citizen of the United States, today’s your lucky day. Read more »
Pop quiz: if, for some reason, your ultimate goal in life was to be the vision of a stereotypical banker douchebag, what boxes would you check off? Lacrosse player? DUIs? A coke habit? Rage problem? A love of crushing hard on Thursday nights so fierce it made you beat up your girlfriend with your lax stick while shouting “You ruined my Thursday night!”? Sovereign Bank employee Daniel Brown’s got it all covered. Read more »