Lucas Van Praag

  • 11 Jun 2010 at 10:45 AM

David Viniar Stands By His Man

Perhaps some of you remember Jon Winkelried? The former Goldman Sachs co-president is persona non grata at the firm but for the purposes of context, a quick refresh: Winkelried was the good for nothing prick who abandoned Lloyd Blankfein when the CEO needed him most, and when it would look most bad for the company to have a high level departure (circa the shit hitting the fan era). A traitorous shrew, really, who let deaf ears fall on Blankfein’s pleas to stay, and who traded it all in for a bunch of barnyard animals.

Anywho, Goldman ended up getting on just fine with out he whose name shall not be mentioned, got on great in fact, but his actions did leave a lasting mark on Blankfein, namely that he lost the ability to open up and trust high level execs and that his previously dormant abandonment issues flared up like nobody’s business. So when there was talk of Goldman CFO David “Bones” Viniar retiring, Lloyd naturally panicked. But apparently it was for naught. Bones would never do that to his li’l fella. Read more »

  • 01 Apr 2010 at 5:30 PM

Goldman Sachs Has A Message For The World

But it’s after 5 the night before a 3-day and if I can speak freely? I need to get out of here and can’t wade through this story just now. Also, while I’m sure there’s many a gem to be found within, based on an intimate knowledge of the firm, plus the article’s dek (“When it comes to its role in the financial crisis, Goldman Sachs has a message for the world”), there’s no need. If I know my Masters of the Universe– and I think I do!– the message is this: “blow us.” Or variants thereof. Prove me wrong.

  • 17 Feb 2010 at 11:53 AM

Lucas Van Praag’s Secret Weapon

Picture 163.pngGiven that he’s a celebrity spokesman, most of you should be aware of Lucas Van Praag’s pedigree by now. The mouth of Goldman Sachs was born and raised in England, graduated from the University of Durham, and prior to entering the world of PR, learned a most important life skill as a Navy officer: how to kill a man. But now that his guns have been taken away, how does manage to issue such blistering, withering statements, day after day, hour after hour, that make his opponents want to curl up and die and translated from their original old English mean approximately “I can’t believe I’m forced to exist in the same airspace as you” and “kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone”? Obviously devastating superciliousness is innate skill but it turns out LvP does have a source of power we’ve been unaware of up until this point. Any ideas? If you guessed cock ring, I can understand where you’re coming from. Most Masters of the Universe have a c-ring on at any given time during business hours. But no, because Lucas’s is a bit more genteel than that, and also, he doesn’t have time to be zipping and unzipping all day when reporters come a’ calling to kiss it before proceeding with questions.

Read more »

Earlier this morning we mentioned a story by the Sunday Times which claimed, according to “bankers at Davos,” that Lloyd Blankfein would be taking home a $100 million bonus this year. We asked Goldman Sachs spokesman Lucas Van Praag for his thoughts on the report. His short answer, via Larry Summers, can be found here. And the slightly longer version:

“There’s speculation, and there is stupidity. This speculation transcends the simply stupid and takes it to an entirely new level.”