Maybe you’re a first-year analyst at Goldman Sachs who’d like to run the place. Maybe you’re a SAC trader who wants to be the next Steve. Maybe you’re the CEO of JPMorgan, though you’d prefer the title of Mr. Treasury Secretary. Maybe you’re a mega successful hedge fund manager who dreams of breeding dogs and, one day, taking your best dog to Alaska to run and win the Iditorad in record time, with you driving. You’ve all got a dream but the question is, how are you going to make it happen? If you really want to know, Mike Bloomberg will tell you. The first thing you’re gonna do, the Mayor said in an recent interview, is you’re gonna stop being afraid. You’re not going to have a defeatist attitude that causes you to miss out on things. You’re going to seize every day as an opportunity and you’re going to realize that every situation has an upside if you look hard enough. Sayeth Hizzoner:
“You have that drive to look at the bright side. There’s never been a day I haven’t looked forward to going into work- even the days I knew I was going to get beat up, even the day I knew I was going to get fired…I had never been fired before and wondered what it was like-I thought okay, let’s go find out.”
Second, and most importantly, you’re going to put in the time. Now, Mike knows that anyone can spout off vague cliches about working hard and blah, blah, blah. He’s not here to do that. He’s here to tell you to keep your ass glued to that god damn chair and not get up for anything. Not fresh air, not lunch, not to take a leak. Think he’s not speaking literally? Think again! He doesn’t care if you’re about to piss your pants or if you have a family history of kidney failure. You get out of that chair and it’s over. Continue reading »
Wall Street is set to cut over 100,000 financial services employees by the end of the year. The Dow dropped 521 points today. Harbinger Capital Partners muse Wilbur Falcone was just dealt a horrible blow. While some of you may think we get off on writing about Wall Street getting its teeth knocked out, in truth, it’s really just as much a buzz kill for us as it is for those taking it up the tailpipe. So we’ve decided to do something about it, in an admittedly self-serving effort to cheer ourselves up (it’s strange, but making you feel good makes us feel good). And here’s what it is: WE’RE BRINGING BACK THE SANDWICH FAIRY. Continue reading »
As you may have heard, a whole bunch of banks have plans to eliminate jobs in the coming months. While it may be little sympathy to those who’ve already lost their jobs (cuts have already begun at Goldman Sachs, UBS, Credit Suisse and Morgan Stanley), those who were spared or will potentially be spared in upcoming rounds can perhaps appreciate the fact that it could well be worse if the firms performing the bloodletting weren’t also cracking down on expenses, thereby saving an employee or two from getting the boot. If you don’t think the belt-tightening is having a serious impact on their lives, think again. For many, it’s like Greece out there. Continue reading »
According to CNBC, the last night’s winning bid to break bread with Bubba, at the “Save the Earth” auction at Christie’s, was put up by a “Wall Street exec.” Guesses on who put up the cash, where they’ll dine and topics on which Bill’s brain will be picked?
When was the last time you got shitfaced at lunch and then headed back to the office? How many days this week have you not pounded a bottle of tequila and returned to the desk to put on some trades? Going to go out on a limb and guess “not in forever” and “all of them” due to fear of what people would think and a firm-wide rule about not trading while under the influence. Well no longer. Tomorrow, you have those 10 martinis for lunch– it’s cool now and everyone else is doing it anyway. Continue reading »
Do you have plans on August 11? Do you fancy yourself a poker player? A really good poker player? Do you think you could beat David Einhorn, even if he’s wearing his lucky sweatshirt? Do you think it would not be so awkward that the two of you could then enjoy a meal together and talk shop after which he picks up the tab? (Go with me on this as I think I might have something you’ll be interested in.) Continue reading »
Thanks, Mary Schapiro. Because of you the men and women of Goldman Sachs can’t even leave the building for a sando out of fear someone will be listening in on their conversation re: the next client they’re going to give the old “GS surprise.” And don’t give me that crap about how they could find other topics to discuss. What else is there to talk about when there are nefarious plots to be hatched?
According to employees, Goldman managers have urged them to keep a low profile, think carefully about the restaurants and parties they attend and watch how they behave in public. Some employees are even reluctant even to go out to lunch with co-workers for fear of being overheard talking about Goldman, said one person familiar with the matter.
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