berniemadoffhat.jpgIt’s not that Stephanie Madoff, wife of Mark, sister-in-law of Andy, D-in-L of Bernie and Ruth isn’t proud of the name or family she married into. Far from it. It’s just that she’s been thinking about it and it just doesn’t “mesh” so well with the image she’s going for. Stalin would be better. Or, hey, how about Hitler? Manson? Wouldn’t have to changed the monogrammed towels. That’s always something to consider. Think about it.

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  • 08 Dec 2009 at 12:47 PM

Who Wants A Piece Of Arki Busson?

Picture 359.pngGreat news ladies and shemales of SAC– EIM founder Arki Busson, the smiliest financier around, has called off his engagement to Uma Thurman. Supposedly Busson’s major Madoff losses may have played a part in the split– Uma walked off in a “huff” about something– though it was reportedly AB who cut the cord. So, sad for the couple but fantastic for those of you hoping to put the perma-grin back on Arki’s face, by sitting on it. Will you be the one to make him look like this?

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  • 23 Nov 2009 at 1:50 PM

Nice Work If You Can Get It

picard.jpgMadoff trustee Irving Picard and his humble Cleveland law firm have submitted their bills for the last five months. The total: more than $22 million.
That’s on top of the $15.7 million they made for their first four-and-a-half months on the job.
Breakdown follows.

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  • 11 Nov 2009 at 4:34 PM

The Week In Hedge Fund Fraud

matthew tannin.jpgRalph Cioffi.jpgAdmit it: You’re bummed that the Bear Stearns fraud trial has ended in a flash of prosecutorial incompetence and 12 potential clients for Ralph Cioffi and Matthew Tannin. We are, too. But fear not, friends, there’s an embarrassment of hedge fund fraud riches out there to continue to follow, and we thought we’d offer a Readers’ Digest of the (alleged) scams and scandals still making news.
Madoff: Let’s start with the mother of them all. Bernie may be moldering away in Butner with the homosexual posse, but the fallout from Ponzi scheme to end all Ponzi schemes* continues. Last week, Madoff’s storefront accountant pleaded guilty to fraud, obstruction and false filings. But the court battles aren’t over: Swiss authorities have charged the former head of Banco Santander’s fund of hedge funds arm with criminal mismanagement for overseeing its $3.5 billion in Madoff losses.
Irving Picard is still busy, too. The court-appointed receiver, who said he’s promised to pay out $534 million to Madoff’s victims, has been forced to cut his claim against Madoff feeder fund magnate Ezra Merkin by one-third to $564 million. And then there’s the aftermath of the death of Madoff buddy and Picard target Jeffry Picower.

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Imagine you are the financial services regulator for a really big, rich country. The biggest and richest, even. Now, you are really bad at catching fraud. I mean really, really bad. You can’t even do it when a guy is stealing literally billions of dollars and you’re looking right at it; you’re no good at seeing it even when people tell you where to look. It’s just not your strength, which wouldn’t be a big deal, except that you are the financial services regulator for a really big, rich country.
How to rectify the situation? Hire a guy who’s spent a good chunk of his career telling the bad guys how to break the law without you ever being the wiser!

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…according to his lawyer. Just like Seth Tobias (missed every day).

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Screen shot 2009-10-02 at 3.33.35 PM.pngIrving Picard promised Sunday that he would bankrupt Andy and Mark Madoff and he was not kidding! The spawn of Satan, along with their cousin Shana and uncle Peter, have been sued for $199 million. The good news is that they’re not being accused of actually taking part in the Ponzi scheme, but only for being possibly so fucking stupid that they had no idea it was going on right under their noses. I can’t speak for Peter and Shana but in M&A’s defense? They were never there! They literally spent 4 days of every work week on a boat fishing and posing for pictures. (They do strike me as himbos, however, so it’s possible they wouldn’t have caught this thing even if they did have more regular attendance at the office.)

The complaint does not accuse the family members of participating in the Ponzi scheme — indeed, lawyers for all four have repeatedly insisted that their clients had no inkling about the fraud until Mr. Madoff confessed to his sons in December, prompting them to turn him in to the federal authorities.
Rather, the trustee’s complaint describes the relatives as “completely derelict” in carrying out their professional duties at the federally regulated brokerage firm.

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  • 30 Jun 2009 at 9:48 AM

Madoff Victims Called Out

With the flood of tales of heartbreak and financial ruin from King Ponz still coming in, less than 24 hours after Bernie learned what sentence he will be appealing, someone stepped up to the plate and called the Madoff victims “greedy”. In a Squawk Box Europe interview, Hugh Hendry, chief investment officer at Eclectica, fought the urge to call Madoff investors flat out stupid in favor of greedy sheep who didn’t do their homework.

“I’m sympathetic for people losing money but I think this pejorative term of being greedy still applies. There was an implicit greed in not questioning and just accepting unnatural returns.”

No pity parties at the Hendry estate any time soon.