MBA v CFA

  • Stanford GSB

    News

    Let’s Exchange Heated Words Over: Business School Rankings

    Once again, as it does every year, US News has released its ranking of the best, not bad, and okay business schools. As this is the sort of thing that inspires unbridled rage over perceived slights like finding out your alma mater dropped one spot or having to suffer the indignity of an inferior institution […]

    / Mar 11, 2014 at 4:30 PM
  • so smug

    News

    New Crop Of MBA Candidates Thinking They’re Pretty Hot Shit

    One semester under their belts and all of a sudden they’re too good to be consultants.

    / Mar 6, 2014 at 5:26 PM
  • cfa1 (1)

    News

    Only 57% Of December CFA Takers Are Reevaluating Their Lives Today

    Back in December men and women across the globe sat down to take the first exam in a series of exams that they hoped would, one day in the distant future, allow them to place three little letters next to their name, on their business card, email signature, linkedin profile, and maybe even cock: CFA. […]

    / Jan 28, 2014 at 2:29 PM
  • wharton

    News

    Decline In Applications At Wharton Indicative Only Of Its Sheer F*cking Awesomeness, Says Wharton

    Time was, the name “Wharton” signaled something. Prestige. Power. Off the charts entitlement. A long, proud history of sending students to the National Championship of DCF Modeling and and sending the “competition” home with tears in their eyes. Now, though? Future Masters and Mistresses of the Universe can’t even bother to apply.

    / Sep 27, 2013 at 3:03 PM
  • teen-mom-farrah-abraham

    News

    Porn Star-cum-Lubin School of Business School Student Pretty Sure Peers/Professors Won’t Be Able To Keep Their Hands Off Her

    That’s why former Teen Mom cast member Farrah Abraham has elected to enroll in Lubin’s online program, to save her fellow MBA candidates from themselves. Although you won’t see her in any lecture halls, please, if she happens to make an appearance on campus for whatever reason, keep it in your respective pants. Obviously that […]

    / Jun 10, 2013 at 4:10 PM
  • dove

    News

    Stanford Business School, Animal In Peril Need Your Help! (UPDATE)

    There’s not a lot of time, so we’ll get right to it: From: redacted at Stanford GSB Date: Tue, Apr 9, 2013 at 2:02 PM Subject: [blastmsg] Dove Rescue Mission (Schwab Lobby) To: “GSB-Blast-All”

    / Apr 9, 2013 at 5:46 PM
  • News

    Let’s Exchange Heated Words Over: Business School Rankings

    US News has regaled us with its annual ranking of the top business schools. I know you need a safe space to get huffy about perceived slights (be it your MBA program being lower than you believe is accurate or by having to suffer the indignity of an inferior institution being too close on the list), so let it out here and now.

    / Mar 12, 2013 at 4:19 PM
  • kellybensimon

    News

    Northeastern University’s Business School Adds Real Housewife To Class Of 2016

    The D’Amore-McKim School of Business has accepted Kelly Bensimon of Real Housewives of New York and Bikini Book fame.

    / Jan 28, 2013 at 5:06 PM
  • cfa1

    News

    Let’s Talk About: CFA Level I Results

    Are you among the 37% of candidates who passed the December 2012 exam? Are you going to celebrate by allowing yourself one night off from studying and then cracking the Level II books first thing tomorrow morning?

    / Jan 22, 2013 at 11:52 AM
  • 2008_ford_econoline-cargo_cargo-van_e-250_fq_oem_1_500

    News

    Harvard Business School Alum Has A 4-Point Plan For Fixing The Election Process In The United States

    On November 6, 2012, as the results of the presidential election rolled in, a member of the Harvard Business School Class of 2010 considered ending it all. “The thought crossed my mind to jump off my penthouse apartment balcony,” he wrote his fellow classmates yesterday. Sure, he had a lot to live for: friends, family, the earthly delights afforded to him by living in Southern California (“surfing, mountains, 78 degree sunshine, and hot babes everywhere”), as well as a new company and all that came with it (relationships with celebrities that straddle the line between “friend and service provider,” as well as invites to “the VMAs and private concerts in Vegas”). But he also had a lot of reasons to be good and angry at the world, including but not limited to: the state of California being “filled with so many hippie liberals” he just might snap and in doing so “choke out a street bum,” people who “sit around with their hand out and expect to be fed,” and, most vexingly, the reelection of Barack Obama.

    And while he did not in fact end up leaping from his penthouse balcony apartment that night, make no mistake, he was and is exceedingly pissed about the direction this country is going, which is south on the Pacific Coast Highway right straight to hell. And whereas the endless stream of bums and hobos and hippies he encounters each and every day the second he steps out of his penthouse apartment probably would take the easy way out, because that’s what they do, he’s better than that. So instead, he went to bed, got up, sat down at his computer and channeled his anger into something productive: a list of suggestions for how we can get America back on track and in four years, rest it from the hands of the commie holding it hostage, like forcing candidates to use bullet points and telling people who don’t believe in capitalism to pack their shit because in 20 minutes a van is coming to ship their non-contributing zero asses off to a country where it’s not actually a “privilege” to live.

    First, though, some life updates, because it really has been too long.

    / Nov 27, 2012 at 10:53 AM
  • News

    Hire This Guy’s Wife And/Or Steal The Idea For Your Own Job Search

    As the results of a recent survey given to Harvard Business School’s Class of 1986 show, holding an MBA does not ensure one a job for life, particularly in these tough economic times (nearly half of all of respondents said they had been laid off or fired at least once). This summer has not been […]

    / Aug 31, 2012 at 3:11 PM
  • News

    Let’s Talk About: CFA Level III Results

    Fifty-two percent of you are walking on sunshine. Your bags are packed, you’re ready to go. Next stop: CFA Camp. The rest of you need a hug or for your colleagues to at least do you the courtesy of leaving you alone for five minutes to JO&C.

    / Aug 7, 2012 at 11:56 AM
  • News

    Let’s Talk About: How Many Of You Are One Step Closer To CFA Camp?

    Thirty-eight percent of Level I takers and forty-two percent of Level II’ers have reason to feel pretty good about your lives this morning.

    Your studying was worth it, your plans are right on track, the promise land is so close you can taste it. The rest of you are likely feeling less good. Your (hours and days and weeks and months) of studying did not end up being worth it, you’re right back where you started, and the path to the quote ultimate honor unquote–the land of milk and honey and stacks of CFA exams in need of grading, as high as the eye can see– seems littered with insurmountable obstacles. Your family and friends and colleagues told you they never wanted to hear those three little letters in that sequence again but if you need to vent, we’re listening. You’re safe here.

    / Jul 24, 2012 at 10:30 AM
  • News

    What Percentage Of Harvard Business School’s Class Of 1986 Is Lying About How Much Weight They’ve Gained?

    For its 25th reunion last year, the members of Harvard Business School’s class of 1986 were asked to fill out an 85 question survey to give their former classmates a picture of where life has taken them since the gang parted ways. In addition to standard queries like “how much money are you making” (median annual net income: $350,000, median personal net worth: $6 million), “did you start a business” (36 percent said yes), “was choosing to attend Harvard Business School the best decision you’ve ever made” (48 percent responded that it was “one of the best decisions of my life,” 1 percent boldly claimed “it was not a particularly productive use of my time or money”), and how many times have you been laid-off and/or fired (4 percent have been “involuntarily dismissed” three times, 13 percent twice, and 47 percent once) the questionnaire writers dug quite a bit deeper to find out that:

    A quarter of them are wanton little shoe whores.

    One in four own 25 or more pairs of shoes (58% of the women and 15% of the men).

    A third of them are actual whores.*

    A third of the class (33%) admitted to having slept with someone whose last name they didn’t know (37% for men, 17% for women).

    Ninety-seven percent of them are getting laid on the reg.

    Just 3% of the alums say they want more sex. The highest priorities? Time (31%), health (18%), and peace of mind (13%).

    (Poets&Quants, which obtained the results of the survey, interpreted the above as being indication that “sex isn’t a very high priority for the Class of 1986″ though couldn’t it just as easily be indication that they’re getting enough already, figuring asking for 6 times/day instead of 5 would be greedy?)

    A quarter are on a boat.

    25% own a boat.

    As many as three percent may have wed a mail-order bride.

    Some 18% dated someone they met online, but only 3% of the class married the person they met on the Internet or by some “other commercial means.”

    Three percent are that guy.

    What did the class find to be the most valuable part of getting an MBA from Harvard?…Some 3% said it was “something to drop into cocktail party conversations.”

    And approximately three-quarters of these people, aged 53-55, are bald-faced liars.

    Slightly more than one in four alums have gained 11 to 20 pounds since they wore their cap and gown. Some 15% put on 21 to 30 pounds, while 5% tip the scales with weight gains of 31 to 50 pounds.

    More than a little suspect.

    Love, Sex & Money: A Revealing Class Portrait of The Lives of Harvard MBAs [Poets And Quants]
    *We kid the Class of ’86. Though hopefully for next year someone will have the balls to actually ask if you knew their name, period, if you could pick them out of a line up, and so on and so forth.

    / Jul 17, 2012 at 1:52 PM
  • News

    Let’s Exchange Heated Words Over: Business School Rankings

    US News has regaled us with its annual ranking of the top business schools. I know you need a safe space to get huffy about perceived slights (be it your MBA program being lower than you believe is accurate or by having to suffer the indignity of an inferior institution being too close on the […]

    / Mar 13, 2012 at 12:58 PM
  • News

    This Is A Picture Of Tyra Banks Posing With Her Degree From Harvard Business School

    Related: “A slideshow of me raising my hand in class” [@tyrabanks, earlier]

    / Feb 23, 2012 at 4:59 PM
  • News

    Let’s Talk About: CFA Level I Results

    Thirty-eight percent of the December™ Level I™ test-takers test-takers learn by email today that they’re one step closer to being able to guarantee investment results. As for your humble correspondent …

    / Jan 24, 2012 at 10:27 AM
  • News

    Conservative CFA Seeks Employer Looking To Kill Two Birds With One Hire (Making $$$ And Taking Down Commies)

    Are you an asset manager looking to do some hiring? Have you interviewed a bunch of so-so candidates but have chosen to hold out for you dream employee, as unlikely as it might be that one person would possess all you desire? Does your list include: 1) A guy who will make you and your […]

    / Jan 3, 2012 at 11:47 AM

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