mistakes

There comes a time in every hedge fund manager’s life when he must admit that he made a mistake. Sometimes that mistake was borrowing money from an investor fund to pay personal taxes. Sometimes that mistake was knocking off that hooker. Sometimes that mistake was thinking investors would be happy to hear that their one dollar at the beginning of the year was now just 17 cents. The point is, they erred in judgment, and while it’s unusual for men of their stature to admit such a thing, on the record or otherwise, they decided to step up and do just that.

For Bill Ackman, yesterday was sort of that day. Read more »

He actually made seven of them, to be exact, and while we can’t say for sure he regrets them all (some evidence suggests he might be the type of person who’d say dating a couple strippers simultaneously was “worth it”), it’s possible he regrets *some* and certainly regrets their cumulative impact. They include:

  • Getting involved with a jealous stripper.
  • Getting involved with another jealous stripper.
  • Introducing both strippers to his daughter in violation of a court order that barred him* from doing so.
  • Taking “compromising” photos with Stripper 1.
  • Letting Stripper 1 find out about Stripper 2.
  • Letting his ex-wife find out about both of them.
  • Not paying his legal bills.

Read more »

If you had asked us two years or two months or two days ago if we thought that there would be a time in the near future when Securities and Exchange employees would not be regularly reprimanded for watching porn on their work-issued computers for 98 percent of the workday, we would have said absolutely not. No judgment, but in our professional opinion, people do not go from, among other things:

* Receiving “over 16,000 access denials for Internet websites classified by the Commission’s Internet filter as either “Sex” or “Pornography” in a one-month period”

* Accessing “Internet pornography and downloading pornographic images to his SEC computer during work hours so frequently that, on some days, he spent eight hours accessing Internet pornography…downloading so much pornography to his government computer that he exhausted the available space on the computer hard drive and downloaded pornography to CDs or DVDs that he accumulated in boxes in his office.”

* www.ladyboyx.com, www.ladyboyjuice.com, www.trannytit.com, and www.anal-sins.com

…to living a porn-free existence at l’office. Did we think they’d take baby steps toward that goal? Sure. But when you’ve tried to log on to your websites of choice, on average, 533 times a day, assuming weekends were worked, baby steps means getting yourself to a place where you can do a solid two hours of work each week without hitting up anal-sins.com. So you can imagine (and probably share in) our surprise to hear that, according to a probe by Interim Inspector General Jon Rymer re: “misuses of government resources,” the worst offenses one office was charged with claiming they needed iPads to do their jobs when really they just wanted to watch movies on them at home and going to hacker conferences without encrypting the data on their computers. Read more »

Remember when Bank of America bought Countrywide in 2008 and CFC Chief Executive Officer/Oracle Angelo Mozilo said they wouldn’t be sorry and it wouldn’t be long before BofA would “reap what Countrywide hath sowed“? He wasn’t kidding and now, finally, BAC and Ken Lewis, the guy who had the foresight to do the deal, are having their vision and skills recognized. Read more »

Last month it was reported that in 2007, executives with Munich Re subsidiary Ergo Versicherungsgruppe came up with the idea to throw a party for top performing sales executives at a bathhouse, featuring a bunch of prostitutes for their consumption. Because such events have the potential to devolve into mass chaos, with buyers and sellers running amok and no one knowing who’s down for what, the Germans had the bright idea to keep order via color-coding. Each hooker would wear an armband, with yellow indicating “available for sexual favors,” red indicating that she was a hostess and white indicating that she was “reserved for executives and top agents.” Additionally, the girls also received a “stamp” following each visit to one of the curtained canopied beds, so party-goers could know how many times she’d been “frequented.” When the story came out, a spokesman for the company said in a statement that incentive trips for successful salespeople “definitely don’t usually proceed the way it’s described.” Since then, current and former employees have countered that that’s actually exactly how they usually proceed and were going to keep proceeding, until Ergo ruined everyone’s good time by banning them indefinitely. On top of that, the company has now gone and taken out a full-page ad that includes an apology for the “mistakes” made by both the firm and the participants. Read more »

Let’s not point fingers, mmkay? He’ll be staying in office in an advisory role through September, delegating some power to Vice President Omar Suleiman. And…not to be a dick, he hates to be a dick but…he’s not really interested in what anyone has to say about that. Read more »