monsters

  • 03 Apr 2012 at 2:59 PM

Who Wants To Adopt Anna Gristina’s Pigs?

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Back in March, a woman named Anna Gristina was arrested for allegedly running a whorehouse out of an East 78th Street apartment, with plans to go global. In that time, we’ve learned a good bit about Gristina (who goes by Anna Scotland professionally), who currently remains incarcerated on Riker’s Island. For instance, at the time of her arrest, she was meeting with a friend and broker who was supposedly helping her line up financing to expand the venture (which she maintains was an upscale dating site), she paid her hookers well, and she was an animal lover. Emphasis on the past tense because apparently anyone can be an animal lover until push comes to shove and mommy needs money for legal fees. Then it’s good-bye lush accommodations upstate, hello slaughterhouse. Read more »

  • 16 Sep 2011 at 9:47 AM
  • Banks

Facebook ‘Friends’ Find Unimaginably Cruel Way To Kick Kweku Adoboli When He’s Down

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As the users of Mark Zuckerberg’s poking machine among us can attest, there are many things you can expect from your Facebook friends. You can expect that they’ll keep you abreast of every insignificant moment of their entire lives. You can expect that they’ll post public affirmations about being “stronger than this” following a break-up or a shitty lunch. You can expect that, when taking a trip, they’ll let you know the flight number, when they’re on the way to the airport, going through security, sitting at the gate**, waiting to take off, defying the request to power down their phone, losing said battle, touching down on the runway, waiting for their bags and still thinking about the person across the aisle who gave them a weird vibe. You can expect that they’ll upload countless photos of their trip with at least one set devoted to posing (alone) on the beach like they’re shooting the god damn Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition, having forced their travel companion to play photog. You can expect that they’ll assume you want to be friends with their household pet. You can expect that they’ll ask you to send positive thoughts into the universe when said pet when it comes down with a common cold.

As a card-carrying member of Facebook, UBS trader Kweku Adoboli was aware of the social contract one enters when becoming friends with people on the ‘book and held up his end of the bargain, dutifully ‘liking’ the status messages of friends forced to sit through 30-minute delays at Heathrow and keeping his fingers crossed that Mr. Fluffernutterbigglesworthjosecanseconiner would recover soon. Which is why it must have stung pretty badly when, after all he’s done for his so-called friends, they couldn’t toss him one bone and help him out of a tight spot. Read more »

  • 19 Apr 2011 at 3:12 PM

Deutsche Bank Colleagues In Brouhaha Over Rightful Ownership Of Labrador

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In September 2009, Deutsche Bank employee Victoria Huxter’s colleague, Ian Whittaker, asked her if she’d like to adopt his family’s dog, a lab named Bailey. Whittaker and his wife, an apparently irresponsible woman named Leslye, hadn’t realized having two dogs (plus a horse) would be a lot of work and wanted to get rid of one, like yesterday’s trash. Huxter accepted and immediately fell in love with the pup, who she renamed Bella, finding it “more suitable for a female.” About two seconds later, Mrs. Whittaker realized she’d made a terrible mistake in abandoning her fur baby and demanded the dog back, thinking things work that way. When the Huxter declined, Leslye called the cops, who told her she was crazy and the dog was no longer hers. Still pissed about the situation nearly two years later, the couple recently proceeded with a rationale course of action that involved hiring a pet detective, who lured Bella’s walker to a park, where he stole the dog and had a camera crew film the entire thing. Read more »