movies

Not a day goes by when we don’t feel an overwhelming sense of loss and emptiness over the fact that we no longer live in a world in which Lehman Brothers exists. We miss the palpable sexual tension between Erin Callan and David Einhorn. We miss Dick Fuld, entering his office on the 31st floor by rappelling down the side of the building using his dick as rope. We miss Bella, more than you’ll ever know. But mostly, we miss knowing that there’s a bank trading floor where at any given time, we could witness a bunch of employees playing a game in which they temporarily paralyze each other via electric shock (this sort of stuff goes on in Stamford, of course, but it’s not a game, and they don’t tase each other with a “gun”). Luckily, the memory as been preserved by former Citadel partner-cum--filmmaker Julio DePietro.

Another striking scene features a twisted version of musical chairs, where the last player to buzz in with a joystick when the music stops gets an electric shock. DePietro said he heard the game was so popular on Wall Street that it once shut down the trading floor at Lehman Brothers for an afternoon.
To make it more realistic, the four actors playing the game asked for an actual shock during their close-ups.
“The performances look real because they are,” DePietro said. “They’re in real pain.”

Citadel’s DePietro Uses Hedge-Fund Skills to Direct First Movie [Bloomberg via BI]

blankfeinbowlingkingpin.jpgIf you need a hint, the context: Thursday, September 18, 2008. Andrew Ross Sorkin reports in his new book that Lloyd Blankfein had just received an email from one of his traders claiming that JPMorgan was trying to steal Goldman hedge fund clients by spreading rumors the firm was going under. LB was pissed and immediately called up Dimon to find out where JD got off (allegedly) screwing him over like this. Jamie said he didn’t know about any ungentlemanly conduct going on, but that it was conceivable some of his guys could be doing shit without his knowledge. Blankfein was sick of these attempts to evade the question and knew what he had to do. Show JD he meant business with a pop-culture reference. But which flick did the movie buff decide to quote for his big speech? Was it:
A. Backdoor Sluts 9 LB had recently finished the entire series so it was fresh in his mind, most especially the harrowing scene that was performed sans lube, which felt disturbingly similar to what was going on right now.
B. Saving Private Ryan Blankfein loves a good WWII movie and at the time, this really did feel like war.
C. Kingpin If the Goldman CEO has said once, he’s said it a thousand times: “Take that, you freaky piece of shit. You don’t mow another guy’s lawn. ” (The follow-up was also apt: “It’s a small world when you’ve got unbelievable tits Jamie.”)
D. Beaches The entire thing, all parts. What? It was a tense time and LB was feeling very emotional. He was hoping there was a chance Bette Midler spoke to Dimon on the same level.
E. The Big Lebowski Perhaps JD hadn’t yet seen what happens when one fucks a stranger in the ass.
F. All of the above.
G. None of the above.

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tomcruisetropicthunder.jpgMerrill Lynch may very well be in danger of failing but recent intel shows anecdotal evidence of Thain and Co. at least pretending to give a rat’s ass about not ending up both broke and crazy (by association). The Post reports that the firm is looking for any excuse to “retool” a deal made last year with Tom Cruise’s production company, United Artists.
As of now Merrill is committed to shelling out $500 million in financing for 15 to 18 movies but “has been combing through its contract for any potential triggers to a default on a loan as a key to reopen talks” in an attempt to safeguard MER from losing millions provided Cruise continues on the batshit insane trajectory, including breaking the deal entirely. Though Jerry is supposedly the best part of Tropic Thunder, in his role as a fat, balding movie mogul, UA did not produce the film. Instead, it produced Valkyrie which is said to be prettay prettay prettay bad, and has a slew of other films on the horizon in which Scientology boy takes himself too seriously, the press for which will likely be compromised by the presence of thetans. UA parent company Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer has hired Goldman Sachs to shut down any maneuvering by Merrill.
In any event, a full-length version of the following is our recommendation if UA/TC/MER are interested in making bank:

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andrewmccarthy.jpgThe good news is that former Citadel employee Julio DePietro is directing (and wrote) a movie about “a Wall Street rising star” called “The Good Guy.” Not nearly enough of you have tested your hand at romantic comedies. The bad news is that the film, slated for a 2009 release, is not based on his time at the Chicago hedge fund (as suggested by HFN), and the part of “the vicious boss,” portrayed by Brat Pack alum Andrew McCarthy, is in no way a reflection of Citadel founder Ken Griffin, according to sources familiar with the matter (craft services). DePietro worked under Griffin from 1993 to 2003, as a senior managing director of convertible arbitrage before leaving to pursue his true passion, the rom-com. The two are apparently “close friends” and Big K is said to be “very supportive” of the project though, perhaps wisely, did not offer to finance it.
Ex-Citadel Exec Helms Movie Based on Life [HFN]

ed.jpgNot content to sit idle while their peers at Citadel and Stark Investments lose millions of dollars by backing movies like “Evan Almighty” and “Poseidon,” Elliot Associates has gotten some of that, agreeing to provide at least $1 billion to co-finance 75% of Universal Pictures’ films over the next four years, with Relativity Capital. Relativity is the private equity firm which has gotten some great press lately for convincing defenseless hedge funds to put their green in paper bags and light it on fire via 12-terrible-flicks-at-a-time package deals. Elliot is the firm that, earlier this week, accused Cedar Hill of espionage. Do we smell a craptastic spy film summer 2009, sure to make just as much as “Blond Ambition,” if not a dollar more? Methinks yes.
Earlier: How Katherine Heigl’s Rack Nearly Sank Bridgewater
Relativity, Elliott Hammer Out Movie Deal [FINalternatives]