obviously you’re not a golfer

  • 02 Jun 2014 at 1:59 PM

Carl Icahn Puts The Wall Street Journal On Notice

In a telephone interview with Bloomberg Television’s Trish Regan, billionaire investor Carl Icahn responded to articles in the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times over the weekend suggesting he was implicated in an insider trading investigation. The investigation, which is being conducted by the FBI, the Securities and Exchange Commission, and federal prosecutors in Manhattan, also involves three-time Masters golf tournament winner Phil Mickelson and Las Vegas gambling impresario Billy Walters. “We do not know of any investigation. Further, we are always very careful to observe all legal requirements in all of our activities,” Icahn said. “We believe that making inflammatory and speculative statements, especially when we’ve had an unblemished record for 50 years, is completely irresponsible on the part of the Wall Street Journal.” [BusinessWeek]

To be sure, there are many interesting positions to be had at SAC that most boys and girls would kill for. There’s Steve’s, which is a pretty good gig. There’s IR, which is fun. There’s president Cohnheeney’s, though few are good looking enough. There’s SC’s bodyguard, which is exciting and involves a gun. And of course there are the trading slots. They all come with great money, fleece apparel and of course prestige.

But unless you also want serious stress and pressure hanging over your head hour to hour day to day month to month, none of them are for you. You want the job where it is possible to utter the words “I’m gonna take off for a few hours, hit the links, maybe grab a sandwich” during the course of a trading session without fear of having a sand wedge shoved up your ass. You want the job that belongs to Sam Evans, SAC Capital golf pro in residence. Read more »

As discussed yesterday, three former employees of Goldman Sachs have filed suit against the bank alleging that it discriminates against females when it comes to pay, promotions and other opportunities within the firm. They also noted that there just generally seem to be a lack of respect for women there. And not just a lack of respect as it relates to their ability to make money but also their skills at golfers. Read more »

As you know, it’s never too early to start thinking about bonus season. Those of you who took our bonus negotiation tips to heart and have been practicing them faithfully in the men’s room bathroom with your wing-man have nothing to worry about. Others should be soiling yourselves in fear. But take heart. Even if it didn’t penetrate when I said to open with a line such as “Listen up you motherfuckers, let me just cut right to the chase. This not my first rodeo. I have signed a hundred other bonus agreements that have been way bigger than this shit, okay? So nobody is going to be fucking bamboozling anyone with this lingo-jingo-fucking mingo” and even if you do work for a shop taking it up the tailpipe this year, you can still do pretty okay with yourself, thanks to a certain philandering sports star with a taste for skanks and an aversion to turkey. Read more »

  • 12 Aug 2010 at 11:34 AM

Layoffs Watch ’10: Barclays Plans Ahead?

Congrats to all those who made it through yesterday employment intact. Having said that… Read more »

Re: the previously rumored cuts at BarCap, expected to supposedly affect 7% of the global headcount: Read more »

  • 29 Jun 2010 at 12:37 PM

FSA Sets Dangerous Precedent In Drunk Trader Case

I’m not promoting alcoholism, but like so many things in life, there are some activities many of you are better at while under the influence. Sadly, in London, one guy had to ruin it for the whole group. Steve Perkins, the oil trader who bought 7.13 million barrels of crude oil on behalf of his firm after “a drunken golf weekend” has been fined £72,000 and banned from the industry for a minimum of 5 years.

The 34-year-old, who lives in Brentwood, was a senior trader for PVM in the West End when he went on his spree last June. Working from a laptop at home after a weekend playing golf, he was able to move the oil market by engaging in huge amounts of speculative buying at ever-higher prices. In a statement, the FSA said: “Mr Perkins’ explanation for his trading on 29 and 30 June is that he was drunk. He says that he drank heavily throughout the weekend and continued drinking from around mid-day on Monday 29 June. He claims to have limited recollection of events.”

Read more »