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So What You’re Saying Is…It’s Possible

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Congressman: “Mr. Dimon, is it possible that JPMorgan could lose $2 trillion?”
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  • 20 Mar 2012 at 5:53 PM

Was The Financial Crisis Caused By A Fictional Hooker-Loving Master Of The Universe? At Least One Guy Thinks Maybe

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Several weeks back, Michael Douglas appeared in a public service announcement shot by the FBI, in which he tells people that while they may have been taken by his character in Wall Street, that it’s important to remember that that was just a movie and in real life, insider trading is wrong and everyone must be vigilant to report any wrongdoing they observe on the job, especially after the shit we went through in ’08. Next up among actors who think roles they portrayed on the big screen contributed to the financial crisis is Richard Gere. Glamorizing being a corporate raider who made enough money to buy a hooker is his personal cross to bear. Read more »

  • 06 Mar 2012 at 12:43 PM

Manhattan DA Pumps The Brakes On Mom/Madam’s Brothel Just As It Was About To Really Take Off With The Help Of Her Contacts In The Business World

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HQ on East 78th Street

As the entrepreneurial among us know, successful, brand name business don’t just happen overnight. They take blood, sweat, tears and in some cases, other bodily fluids, that the public never sees. Anna Gristina was nearly there. The mother of four (who went by the name “Anna Scotland” professionally) had been providing hookers for to “wealthy, powerful men” (“politicians, top-law enforcement, influential lawyers, bankers, entertainment execs and Fortune 500 businessmen”) out of an Upper East Side whorehouse for a decade and a half, had developed a thriving client list willing to pay between $1000 (for a “Dream Girl”) to $2000+ (for an “Ultimate Elite Model”) per appointment, and made millions in the process. She was ready for the big time. Just the other day, in fact, Gristina/Scotland was sitting down at the office of her friend and business associate, a Morgan Stanley employee, to hear his plan for “expanding her operation through the Internet.” And then this happened. Read more »

  • 21 Dec 2011 at 12:42 PM

Up Next, X-Rays Of The Tibia Fracture Joe Kernen Sustained Taking Out The Trash!

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[via MandyCNBC]

  • 02 Dec 2011 at 3:46 PM

Is Dick Bové About To Freshen Up The Old Buy/Sell/Hold Analyst Ratings?

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Nothing official yet but it seems pretty clear that the following anecdote…: Read more »

  • 22 Nov 2011 at 2:34 PM

You’re Going To Have A Lot Of Time To Run Your Fund When You’re Running It In A Van Down By The River

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When all is said and done, there are two types of people in this world: those who would feel comfortable conducting or taking part in a “business” meeting held in an unmarked van and those who would not. It’s important you know which camp you belong in, because according to the Times, the travelling office is officially a thing.

Steve Kantor admits that he likes to travel in style. He is an affable investment banker, concerned about flaunting his wealth, but he drives around Manhattan in what looks like a simple black delivery van. Of course, most vans do not have chauffeurs, as Mr. Kantor’s has. Or a built-in office, custom installed. “I have two big-screen televisions; I have a couch in the back that goes into a bed,” Mr. Kantor said. “I have four chairs that go back and massage you. It has a desk, a table and an intercom so you can have meetings in there if you want to.”

The most popular model is made by Mercedes: a stripped-down, basic version of the van, the Sprinter, starts at $41,315; Mr. Kantor’s version, which Mercedes-Benz Manhattan arranged to have customized, is fitted with satellite television, a Wi-Fi network and flat-screen monitors, and sells for $189,000. Even that is not quite enough for some New Yorkers, who employ designers to install even pricier custom details that easily drive up the total cost to $500,000…And although the modified Mercedes van is popular in several large cities, Howard Becker, president of Becker Automotive Design in Oxnard, Calif., said New York, with its executives in hedge funds and finance, had become his best market…[some owners request] the installation of a vacuum cleaner so the chauffeur can remove every crumb and grain of sand…the vacuum option could be seen on a recent morning on Park Avenue, when Carmelo Umpierre, a 44-year-old chauffeur, idled the $425,000 van he drives for an executive based in Connecticut.

And these things don’t just appeal to people who are attempting to up the sketch factor of their business dealings by leaps and bounds (“Martin Brass, a 43-year-old former Wall Street executive turned investor…said he simply wanted to “have meetings and presentations in those vehicles”). Apparently 18 years and no pre-nup also means family car/conference room. Read more »

  • 19 Oct 2011 at 8:03 PM

Larry Fink Zeroes In On Key Reason The Economy Is In The Toilet

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Blogs. Read more »

Roseanne Barr Advocates Using The Guillotine On ‘Guilty Bankers’ To Teach Kids A Lesson

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Here’s her thinking: Read more »

  • 01 Aug 2011 at 2:10 PM

Will Jock-Flashing Calisthenics Get Wall Street To Open Up?

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Earlier today on Wall Street, a group of individuals stripped naked as part of their demand for transparency in the financial world. “I’m trying to illuminate a dark cranny in the financial world,” performance artist Zefrey Throwell, whose mother “her entire life savings in the stock market crash of 2008,” told Metro. “Its been three years and nothing has changed. It’s still mysterious.” A dark cranny of the financial world wasn’t the only thing that got illuminated, as the group’s “commentary against the financial industry” apparently involved some intense nude lunging. (Probably NSFW, unless you work for Ron Jeremy’s new consulting firm or at SAC.) Read more »

  • 17 Jun 2011 at 3:16 PM

Chinese Venture Capitalist “Passionate About Love, Disdaining Of Wealth” Announces Plans To Marry Mistress On Internet, Follows Up With An “Ode To Elopement”

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Wang Gonquan is known as “an icon in Chinese investing circles.” Recently, WG decided to make an honest woman out of his mistress and decided to let his followers, friends and family know Sina Weibo, China’s Twitter. “I am giving up everything and eloping with Wang Qin,” he wrote. Then he got reflective and penned “An Ode To Elopement,” which he then shot himself singing softly in front of “an expanse of water in dim light.” According to the Journal, the lyrics go something like this: Read more »

  • 07 Jun 2011 at 10:27 AM

Ex-Russian Spy Anna Chapman Is A Venture Capitalist Now

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Remember Anna Chapman? She was among the ten Russian spies deported last year and since returning to the motherland has been pretty busy. She posed in Maxim in her underwear holding a deadly weapon. She started hosting a TV show called “Secrets of the World.” She adopted a lion cub. She posed in a magazine called Heat and then got in trouble for posting outtakes of her ass on Facebook. She waved off a rocket launch. She modeled in a fashion show (in which carried a gun and stuck it in a male model’s neck). For her next project, Chapman has teamed up with Vladimir Putin to “lure technology investment to Russia.” Apparently tech has always been a passion of Chapman’s (“I’ve always been fascinated with technology,” she told Bloomberg) and now, she says, “I want to make my own input into developing this industry.” For you thinking Chaps will have a hard time being taken seriously, think again. According to Moscow hedge fund manager Roland Nash, she’s “very well known and respected in Russia, by Russians in general and young Russians in particular, so in that sense she’s quite an imaginative solution.” As for the West, Nash concedes, “she’s got to turn around part of her image.” Read more »