• 23 Aug 2011 at 11:28 AM

Marc Faber: Trust No One!

Not the Fed, America, your cash flow-draining girlfriends, banks, paper, gold ETFs. Get your hands on some real, physical gold, put it in “a safe deposit box ideally outside the US, in various locations- Switzerland, Singapore, Hong Kong, Australia, Canada,” lay low and wait for his signal. Read more »

  • 16 May 2011 at 1:07 PM

Donald Trump Will Not Run For President

The Don has announced the lure of the White House is not great enough to make him give up his biggest passion just yet (but watch out 2016). Read more »

The scene: You’re at your desk buying, selling, sending asinine IMs to your colleagues and just generally kicking ass and taking names when you get an itch. A stirring, down in your plums. You need to stick your tongue in something sweet or there’s a good chance you might die. You need a cupcake, ASAP.

The internal conflict: Cupcakes are for chicks and pusses. You’re a fucking MAN. How would it look if you were seen eating that little slice of heaven? You’d sooner take estrogen pills, slip into some panties and heels and tell people to call you Stupid Girl and that’s something you’d never do unless asked nicely twice or maybe just once or maybe even voluntarily. But, oh god, you need that sugar so bad you’re gonna burst! BUT HOW?? you ask yourself, nearly on the verge of tears. Cupcakes are inherently a woman thing due to their size so would it be better to just eat an entire red velvet cake in the break room, literally just plow right through it letting the creamy white frosting goodness cascade down your hands and face? Would that man things up a bit? A little but 1) you love how big cupcakes make your hand look 2) you’re watching your weight (it’s beach season and all). There’s also the problem of most cupcake makers using lots of girly colors like pink and skimping on the non-manly ingredients like semen and sweat and gah it’s just too hard! WHAT’S A BOY TO DO?? Read more »

As you’re likely aware, one of the most important skills to master when you’re in this money making game is to be able to regulate your emotions. You can’t freak out every time you lose a little cash, and on the flip side, it’s probably a good idea to avoid doing an end-zone dance on the days you make it rain. Many of Wall Street’s most successful investors have perfected the art of staying cool and calm, with the best of the best being basically dead inside. Then you have Bill Ackman.

The Dead Inside model is not the one he’s chosen to follow over the course of his career. On the contrary, Bill is stuffed to the gills with emotion, and often feels compelled to let them out. No, scratch that. Letting his salty tears flow is not a choice, just like Ackman’s passion for standing up to institutions like MBIA and saying “J’accuse!” wasn’t a choice, it was his duty.

Obviously these raw and uncut displays of what Bill’s feeling haven’t prevented him from doing pretty well for himself. They have, however, caused a certain amount of agita for those around him. Bill’s visible tears at last year’s Target shareholder meeting were deeply distressing to Joe Nocera, who hasn’t yet evolved to the point where he’s comfortable seeing a grown man cry. And in Christine Richard’s Confidence Game: How A Hedge Fund Manager Called Wall Street Bluff, we learn of a couple other instances in which Bill’s inability to keep it locked up– one the adorable quirks we love most about him and probably the source of his success!– resulted in some minor and major fallout (making an employee uneasy and the enacting of the aforementioned Nut Kicking Rule, respectively). Richard writes: Read more »