Patriarch Partners

“There are three universal lies: Margins are weak, but we’ll make it up in volume; the check’s in the mail; and I won’t come in your mouth” is really a thing that Partiarch Partners founder and CEO Lynn Tilton says, but “we’ll double down and make up all our losses” probably deserves a spot on the list too. That seems to have been MBIA’s plan when it entered into some cockamamie CDO transactions with Patriarch in 2003. These … did not work out for MBIA, and so in 2009 they sued, and today Tilton won the lawsuit, and also may have won some hearts in the courtroom:

Thirteen witnesses presented evidence to Judge Sweet in the lawsuit. He praised Ms. Tilton’s testimony in a section of the lawsuit on “witness credibility.”

Ms. Tilton is a well-known Wall Street personality, with a penchant for brazen remarks and an eye-catching style uncommon in the financial industry.

“She was vigorous, authoritative, informed and almost entirely supported by documentary evidence,” Judge Sweet wrote.

The case is a pretty nutty example of pre-crisis structured finance practices. The story begins with MBIA having written some insurance policies on some distressed-debt CDOs. Those policies were looking bad: Read more »

Unhappy in your current position and desperate to make a move? Completely content but looking for opportunities for professional growth? Today’s your lucky day. Patriarch Partners founder and CEO Lynn Tilton, she of Christmas cards, jello shots, whipped cream off her breasts, and “The number one lie people tell is ‘I won’t come in your mouth‘” fame is looking for a personal assistant. Think you’re up for the challenge? Here are the non-negotiable prerequisites and responsibilities you’ll face (emphasis ours): Read more »

“For many years I had men asking me on the phone each day what I was wearing and what color my underwear was,” Tilton said. “And so I sent out a Christmas card with me in a red lace sort of teddy, and red cowboy boots and a Santa hat, wishing them a Merry Christmas.” [ABC, earlier]

Lynn Tilton Bares All

What do we know about Lynn Tilton? She runs the $8 billion private equity firm Patriarch Partners, and prior to that worked on Wall Street with a slightly lower profile with gigs at Morgan Stanley, Merrill Lynch and Amroc. She sports 5-inch heels to “look sufficiently fierce to make sure I garner the respect I deserve.” Her office is decorated with whips, handcuffs, and a portrait of her “stretched across the hood of a black Mercedes.” She only “strips and flips men, not companies.” And she once sent a Christmas card to customers that featured a stuffed tiger, a naughty Santa suit and a whip. But that’s all surface. Until now, we haven’t really gotten to the mystery underneath the Roberto Cavalli miniskirt and a fur-trimmed cape, or determined her motivations and what makes Tilton tick. Luckily, Lynn recently granted audience with New York and let it all out. Every burning question you’ve wanted answered. Like:

Why did she decide to start Patriach, when she’d retired from Wall Street, had “a good-looking man, great sex, a small island, and was still looking good in a thong bikini”? A vision.

One night, on vacation in Costa Rica, she woke suddenly. “I was laying there in this hotel room, and I saw my father and my Mayan teacher very vividly,” she explains. “They said this was not what was planned for me. I said, ‘Why did I go through this path, to empty myself out of any needs or material longings, only to be sent back to New York to be a businessperson?’ And the answer was: You’re not capable of leading until nothing can hold you back. Get your ass back to New York. So I got up in the middle of the night and left.”

Does she see herself as the female George Soros? Yes.

Tilton’s goal is “to be part of the intelligentsia. An enlightened thinker. One of the people who are called together to think through economic issues for America. You know, like how George Soros is called on issues.”

Why is she pissed at Obama, for whom she voted? He hasn’t called her and she highly suspects he’s plagiarised her work.

“Look, I am the largest female business owner in this country,” she says, coming out from behind the rack in a Herve Leger gown. “I own 74 midsize businesses, and Obama has not once called me into the White House on these issues.” More offensive, Tilton claims, as a female stylist reaches into the bodice of the dress to plump up her cleavage, the president has borrowed language from her articles. “I mean actually lifting pieces,” she says. “Literally, I can give you paragraphs. I got like twenty e-mails after his speech, when he was like, ‘We need to be innovators and the makers of things.’ ”

Read more »

You’re asked to take part in one team building exercise involving licking whipped cream off the boss’s breasts and all of a sudden you can’t have sex for months. Read more »

Yesterday Forbes published an article that discussed Patriarch Partners founder Lynn Tilton (allegedly) telling an employee “You expect me to believe that, like I’m going to believe you’re not going to cum in my mouth,” among other anecdotes. Today Tilton has responded on her company website. Read more »

In a lawsuit filed by a former employee Andre Wrobel, Patriarch Partners founder Lynn Tilton was accused of having a slightly unorthodox management style around the office. Before we get to the allegations (which Tilton’s attorney described as “scandalous” and “irrelevant”), we’re going to take a little quiz, aimed at business owners and those in leadership positions. Please answer the following:

1) What are some appropriate nicknames to refer to employees by:
a) sport, champ, hoss
b) buddy boy, bro, broheim
c) idiot, dumbass, hey stupid
d) dicks, fucks, assholes

2) To command the room during a meeting do you:
a) Speak loudly and clearly
b) have a rule that anyone who interrupts or plays with his/her Blackberry is thrown out
c) Sit in such a way that your crotch area is exposed to those persons who must face and address you.

3) Which of the following are okay to do to employees (circle all that apply):
* hit them
* insult them
* throw things at them
* beat them

4) What is an appropriate level of fabric when it comes to the breast area:
a) The amount found in a turtle neck
b) however much it takes to cover them completely
c) just enough so that they’re “barely restrained to the point of wiggling and moving like they are about to fall out at any minute”

5) An underling tells you something you think might be a lie. Do you:
a) Ask them some probing follow up questions
b) tell them “I don’t think you’re being honest with me”
c) wait for them to trip themselves up in the lie
d) sarcastically respond “Sure, you expect me to believe that, like I’m going to believe you’re not going to cum in my mouth!” Read more »

Talk to former employees, and you sometimes get a very a different story. They speak in whispers of a “terrifying” and “evil” boss, given to eruptions of rage, who exploits her femininity to throw off men, who threw herself a 50th birthday party where staffers did jello shots off her stomach and chest. [Forbes]

Lynn Tilton, whose office at the $8 billion Patriarch Partners is decorated with whips, handcuffs, and a portrait of her “stretched across the hood of a black Mercedes,” sports five-inch stilettos on the job should she need to stick something up someone’s ass, only “strips and flips men, not companies,” and once sent a Christmas card to customers that featured a stuffed tiger and her in lingerie and fuck-me boots, brandishing whip, will star in Divas of Distressed. Because dreams really do come true. Here’s a peak at what’s in store. Read more »

Lynn Tilton’s Elixir Of Choice

“Tilton sleeps only a few hours a night and often stays up late reading science fiction. She sips a homemade concoction of clay, salt and chlorophyll.” [WSJ]