Sure, Bill could let himself get upset about how things are panning out this year but he’s not. And if anyone should be freaking out about the way things are going, you’d better believe it’s him. He’s got mucho personal dinero tied up in this thing and if it goes down big time, it’s gonna be good-bye weekly Target shopping sprees, hello can I fill out a job JCPenney job application. And yet here he is, no freak outs, no panicking, no how am I going to get myself out of this. Everything is fine, there is nothing to worry about. If you were invested with a manager like, for instance, John Paulson, then you could worry. Then it’d be totally understandable to consider yourself fucked- big time. Luckily for you, though, you’re with Pershing and at Pershing, we focus on the big picture. Rome wasn’t built in a day and places like Family Dollar aren’t going to become premier shopping destinations without a little patience. So: Do. Not. Worry. About. Your. Money. All is good. Take a deep breath, calm down, and dry those eyes. We’re all in this together and if Bill’s not crying, you shouldn’t be either. Read more »
No, not really, the new moneymaker is buying calls on the Hong Kong dollar, betting on Hong Kong abandoning its peg to USD. Regular recipients of Ackman’s unsolicited advice (e.g. anyone he’s set up with a personal trainer or wife), and those who read the comments here, may have already known that.
How Would You Like To See The Oval Office Entirely Redecorated With The Home Furnishing Offerings From Target?By Bess Levin
He’s already thrown his hat in the ring for a gig running Treasury Secretary but the people would like Bill Ackman to dream bigger. Washington Post readers polled yesterday said they want the Pershing Square founder to run as a third party candidate for President (his qualifications being the bank plan he wrote up in 2009 and the fact that he was once invited to the White House to speak with Larry Summers). Read more »
As you know, hedge fund manager Bill Ackman loves himself a good activist investment, particularly if it’s in a place where he can get his lawn mowers, towels, flat screen TVs, and pretzel kegs all for an extremely reasonable price. Unfortunately, while many of his investors support him in this pursuit, some don’t seem to understand how Bill operates. Take Target, for example. The first time he laid eyes on it…I don’t want to say there were tears, but it got emotional. The prices? The layout? That adorable fucking dog? He had to have it- ALL OF IT. Sure, Pershing Square did get involved but it could’ve been faster, bigger, soon. I don’t want to say you blew it for him but…you blew it for him. That’s why Bill’s been thinking and what he’s come up with is that the next time he’s doing one of Sunday morning walkabouts** in a suburban strip mall and stumbles upon his next great love, there can be no hesitation. Which is why Pershing Square proses this. Read more »
Bill Ackman Will Get Rid Of Your Gut, Set You Up With Your Wife, Beat Your Ass On The Rowing MachineBy Bess Levin
One thing you may have picked up from Bill Ackman’s investing style is that he gets involved with companies he believes, very passionately, can benefit from his help. He comes in armed with a plan, and while some people might not be open to the unsolicited suggestions for improvement, few can argue that he’s just trying to make the world a better place. What you may not know is that what Bill does during his 9-5 doesn’t stop when he punches the clock and gets off his shift as as foreman at Pershing Square. The make-overs (aesthetic and spiritual) aren’t just for Target but for you, too. ”Bill’s a fixer,” former Bloomberg reporter Christine Richard told the Observer. “He just looks at everything as how can I sort this out, including people.” For instance…
Your ass. Can you deny it could benefit from some squat thrusts?
Almost everyone who has met Mr. Ackman has either been complimented or insulted regarding his or her appearance, and those falling into the latter group usually find themselves with an appointment to see his nutritionist and sometimes his personal trainer, too. He has been known to stop people on the street corner and give them advice or even find them a job in the time it takes for the light to change.
Or how about your love life? Wasn’t it time you stopped running around with these slag heaps and got serious about settling down? Read more »
He had a plan to save the book industry one story at a time, but now that’s probably shot to hell. Read more »
Apparently it involves going long the US housing market. [PDF via Whitney Tilson]