This Is How You Run A Corporate Twitter Account

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Take note, @GoldmanSachs, @jpmorgan, @blackstone.

Domino’s Replies to Man Who Claims He Burned His Dick Fucking a Pizza [Gawker]

Exhibit A:

Friday morning at AQR, August 10. Cliff Asness glanced pensively at a candy-colored array of Marvel superhero figurines lined up along his east-facing window. Spiderman. Captain America. The Hulk. Iron Man. Comic book heroes of his boyhood days on Long Island.The Quants, by Scott Patterson, page 100.

“Hedge funds charge far too much in general by claiming to be geniuses,” says Asness, lounging on a sofa in his corner office, surrounded by foot-high plastic models of comic book heroes like Captain America and Spider-Man.  Fortune, December 19, 2011

As a child, Clifford Scott Asness gave no sign of his future as a Wall Street tycoon. He was born in October 1966 in Queens, New York. When he was four, his family moved to the leafy suburban environs of Roslyn Heights on Long Island. In school Asness received good grades, but his interest in Wall Street didn’t extend beyond the dark towers of Gotham in the pages of Batman. Obsessed with little besides girls and comic books, Asness was a listless teenager, without direction and somewhat overweight. At times he showed signs of a violent temper that would erupt years later when he sat at the helm of his own hedge fund.The Quants, by Scott Patterson, page 12.

“His super-villains are intellectual dishonesty and ignorance,” says Jonathan Beinner, a managing director at Goldman Sachs Group Inc. and a former classmate of Asness. “When someone offers an opinion that Cliff feels is incorrect or dishonest, whether it be related to investments, politics or pizza, he feels it is his duty to stand up, even if it’s not in his best interest.” Asness admits to a superhero complex. His favorite Marvel comic book character is Captain America, who gains strength with the help of a secret serum and whose shield can be used as an indestructible weapon. Asness has an image of the shield tattooed on his left arm.Bloomberg Markets Magazine, October 7, 2010

Exhibit B:
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If I’m a PM at Scout Capital, Trian, Cedar Rock, MSD, Calamos, BlackRock, RenTec or Two Sigma, all of which own a significant number of shares in the pizza purveyor, my takeaways are: 1. Passion 2. Teamwork 3. Initiative 4. Ingenuity 5. Ability by middle management to read between the lines and infer that corporate’s edict to “torch the competition” was meant literally. Alternatively, if I’m a certain someone who walked away, dumping all but a couple shares retained simply for the free slices, I’m thinking I made the biggest mistake of my life underestimating these two. Read more »

The ultra-rich bankers, hedge fund managers and private equity executives of New York City have long enlisted private security firms to help safeguard them and their wealth. But as the mood on Main Street turns increasingly hostile, New York’s financial titans are cranking their security measures up to 11…One executive contacted Insite requesting help planning his escape from the United States in the event the federal government was overthrown, said Howard A. Shapiro, Insite’s chief technology officer. The executive wanted to know how much gold to keep on hand and how to escape the United States by submarine in the event of a major incident. [NYT via BI, related]

But there hasn’t been much need for [medical supplies]. Ms. Lembitz, another medic, was tending to one of the most common injuries: blisters on a bongo drummer’s fingers. The only other common injuries, Mr. Pilon said, were cuts from food preparation and cases of foot fungus caught by activists who didn’t change out of wet socks…A website set up for the protest has a link to a nearby pizzeria, Liberato’s. Donors call, give the restaurant their credit card information, and a short time later a few pies—the website says the protesters prefer them without meat—show up at the area set up for food. Protesters hope they’ll be able to hold out for a while—some say forever. “Until Wall Street crumbles,” said Chris Mapp, a 20-year-old film student who lives in Harlem. “And we say that in the most peaceful way possible.” [WSJ]

An artist's rendering

Back in January, SAC Capital amassed a 5.3 percent stake in Domino’s Pizza, making it the fifth largest investor, at 3.2 million shares. While Cohen didn’t have any plans to meddle with management, behind the scenes he did do his part to enhance the brand, not only in an attempt to maximize profits but out of a love for bread, sauce and cheese. Little tweaks included: use of the DPZamboni as the standard delivery vehicle (it can do 150 on 95), product placement that involved getting Domino’s featured in a few pizza delivery-boy themed pornos, and tasking SAC employees with slapping slices out of the hands of anyone seen eating a competitor, putting a finger in their face and warning “that’s one” (after one you don’t want to know what happens). Things were good. REALLY good. They were double penetrating the market and Steve had big plans for the future. Unfortunately, SC’s had to significantly reduce his stake over the last few months, after what we’re assuming was a difference of opinion based on this: Read more »

  • 16 Mar 2011 at 12:48 PM

Jamie Dimon Headed To Japan

According to an email circulating from Christopher Harvey, JPMorgan’s “Senior Country Officer in Japan,” to colleagues. Read more »

Again, just something I thought you should know. Apparently we need to start keeping a list of all the good names that are already taken.