The “pyramid scheme” known as Herbalife has now cost Bill Ackman’s investors something like $300 million, thanks in part to its “best quarter ever.” Of course, that plaudit depends on actually believing the things said in Herbalife’s unaudited financial statements, and luckily for Bill Ackman, he does not. And has a few questions. Read more »
Update: And our winner, with 23 points out of a possible 38, is Long Time, who should get in touch to claim his or her prize!
It’s a Friday, it’s a Friday before a holiday weekend, it’s a Friday before a holiday weekend and the day after Dealbreaker Trivia. If you were expecting much from us, our condolences! Still, we’re not totally without compassion for those of you who’ve got some time to kill before being unchained from your desks and granted temporary freedom. Presumably you were thinking the best way to while away the hours would be to test your Dealbreaker knowledge and lucky for you, we were thinking the same thing. While the following will not be a helpful waste of time for the Friends of DB who attended last night,* know that we hold you slightly closer in our hearts than the mere Aquaintances of DB who did not.
For the chance to win an ‘I heart Dealbreaker’ button, please determine the answers to the abridged version of last night’s no holds barred compeition, and submit them here. If you’re going to violate the honors system and Google the answers, just think about the shame that will follow you throughout Memorial Day weekend and beyond, perhaps all the way to Labor Day weekend and possibly for the rest of your life. Please begin. Read more »
A Wildebeest Leaves New York Traveling North At 10 MPH. A Hyena Leaves Westport Traveling South At 15MPH. At What Time Does The Wildebeest Get Eaten?By Bess Levin
As many of you know, Bridgewater Associates is mega-successful, multi-billion dollar hedge fund guided by Principles, a company handbook written by founder and Mentor Ray Dalio, which instructs employees to go on radical truth seeking missions in order to better themselves and in turn the firm. Bridgewater takes the principles very seriously and each member of the staff is given spiral bound copies to read, highlight, and imbue their souls with. While the idea of Truth above all else is the overarching idea, there are literally hundreds of principles (such as 31a. “Ask yourself whether you have earned the right to have an opinion,” 130. “…Firing people is not a big deal…” and 184. “Use checklists”), which span 123 pages and are broken down into outline form after being explained at length. Though familiarity with them has always been an essential part of the job, there has never been a formal test determining that all employees met the required level of efficiency. Until now. Read more »
Hint: You don’t get the designation “noted” hooker fucker for a one time job. Read more »
Backwoods dildo adventures. Par for the course at many of the tri-state area’s most prestigious hedge funds. Most people know this is coming when they sign on, and the various reasons why it’ll make them a valuable member of the team. Shame that makes you stronger and all that jazz. Still, for some, it can come as a shock when they initially read the email from the boss telling everyone to pack their bags for a trip that will foster a “mature sense of masculinity” among the group. They might even refuse to take part in the event, which could spell serious trouble in the form of negative reviews, shitty bonuses and even termination. We bring this up today so you don’t make that mistake, like Steve Eggleston, who would probably go back in time and whittle his own “wooden phallus” if he knew then what he knows now. Read more »
“Where am I going to be in a year? Let’s put it this way, I’m going to be living the dream.” Hint: known for his deep in the money calls, this person has been described as one of the greatest minds on Wall Street, who in addition to his market moving prognostications, is known for his love of private flying and fear of indoor plumbing. [CNBC]