Get pat on the back from Prince Alwaleed? Check!Earlier today, Citigroup chief Mike Corbat told analysts that the bank has made “significant progress on our top priorities.” Said priorities do not appear to include boosting profits and revenues or trading, but may include paying as much as possible on legal matters. Read more »

  • 10 Nov 2014 at 2:25 PM
  • Banks

JPMorgan Tech. Team’s Job Is Done

Saved!Among the most serious casualties of this summer’s hack-attack on JPMorgan Chase was the Corporate Challenge: A series of jogs that allow members of the House of Dimon to do good while making themselves look good. Well, the news is good, at least in terms of the CC: The races can go on! Read more »

Despite a jam-packed day with no time to comment to reporters, Jack Welch interrupted his schedule this afternoon to tell the Journal he “wasn’t kidding” about his Tweet this morning that the most recent jobs data had been gotten to. Again, because he is so busy, Welch did not have time to elaborate, but he wanted to make sure that was clear. He jokes a lot so he wasn’t sure if it was. [WSJ, earlier]

The following is a (not at all comprehensive) list of things that UBS could legitimately be embarrassed about:

– Losing so much money that a rogue trader’s $2billion loss barely registered above ‘meh’ on the Do We Care scale
– Awarding 4-figure bonuses to managing directors
– Employing a guy who “implored bankers to make a more concerted effort to streamline the firm and likened the strategy to slashing expenses like a ‘Jewish shopkeeper’
– Having the entire healthcare team decide Jeffereies is a better place to work
– Being scammed by a bunch of ops guys
– Pulling a reverse Field of Dreams and spending all the money it didn’t have to build a 103,000-square-foot trading floor, in a 700,000-square-foot building, that no one wants to work on or in
– Getting no respect from the people of Stamford, who’d prefer “a nice big Costco” move into the space
– Having to distribute a step-by-step guide re: how to tie a tie

And yet, rather than worry the suggestion its employees have been wearing clip-ons reflects poorly on the institution or taking the time to send out a memo that reads “Subject: Hey, Body: Stop losing so much fucking money!”, the bank’s execs are devoting their energy to this:  Read more »

To: BlackRock Employees
Subject: CNBC Filming Live Today at 40 East 52nd Street
To mark the 10th anniversary of BlackRock’s initial public offering on the New York Stock Exchange, CNBC will broadcast a special edition of its “Closing Bell” program today, live from BlackRock’s 5th floor at 40 East 52nd Street. The program will include interviews with BlackRock executives on the firm’s history, market commentary and client and investment trends.

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