Earlier today, Citigroup chief Mike Corbat told analysts that the bank has made “significant progress on our top priorities.” Said priorities do not appear to include boosting profits and revenues or trading, but may include paying as much as possible on legal matters.
Among the most serious casualties of this summer’s hack-attack on JPMorgan Chase was the Corporate Challenge: A series of jogs that allow members of the House of Dimon to do good while making themselves look good. Well, the news is good, at least in terms of the CC: The races can go on!
Despite a jam-packed day with no time to comment to reporters, Jack Welch interrupted his schedule this afternoon to tell the Journal he “wasn’t kidding” about his Tweet this morning that the most recent jobs data had been gotten to. Again, because he is so busy, Welch did not have time to elaborate, but he […]
– Losing so much money that a rogue trader’s $2billion loss barely registered above ‘meh’ on the Do We Care scale
– Awarding 4-figure bonuses to managing directors
– Employing a guy who “implored bankers to make a more concerted effort to streamline the firm and likened the strategy to slashing expenses like a ‘Jewish shopkeeper’”
– Having their entire healthcare team decide Jeffereies is a better place to work
– Being scammed by a bunch of ops guys
– Pulling a reverse Field of Dreams and spending all the money it didn’t have to build a 103,000-square-foot trading floor, in a 700,000-square-foot building, that no one wants to work on
– Getting no respect from the people of Stamford, who’d prefer “a nice big Costco” move into the space
– Having to distribute a step-by-step guide re: how to tie a tie
And yet, rather than feel some measure of humiliation about, for instance, the PowerPoint admission that their grown men employees don’t know how to dress themselves or taking the time to send out a memo that reads “Subject: Hey, Body: Stop losing so much fucking money!”, the bank’s execs are going with this:
…Robert Wolf, a top UBS executive in New York, is among President Obama’s leading fund-raisers, building more than $500,000 for his re-election so far this year. A regular presence at big campaign fund-raisers, Mr. Wolf, who is 50, golfs and vacations with Mr. Obama and is known for e-mailing friends photos of himself with the president. While such a close relationship might have been envied by other bankers in 2008, when much of Wall Street was infatuated with Mr. Obama and donated heavily to his presidential bid, it has been making other UBS executives uneasy of late…With media reports pointing out that one of the bank’s top executives is also one of the Obama campaign’s top bundlers — a word that one UBS executive said “makes people’s hair stand on end” inside the bank — the Swiss banking giant has decided to take an unusual step.
The bank’s powerful group executive board in Zurich recently presented Mr. Wolf with an edict directing him to report all his media inquiries to the firm’s press office. Since then, most of the requests to speak to Mr. Wolf have been rejected, according to people briefed on the situation, resulting in a much dimmer limelight for Mr. Wolf…“You will clear any and all communications with the press as far in advance as possible,” the directive to Mr. Wolf read. “With respect to activities outside UBS you will, on a best-efforts basis, keep corporate communications informed.”
Bosses Reign In Banker Who Golfs With Obama [Dealbook]
To: BlackRock Employees Subject: CNBC Filming Live Today at 40 East 52nd Street To mark the 10th anniversary of BlackRock’s initial public offering on the New York Stock Exchange, CNBC will broadcast a special edition of its “Closing Bell” program today, live from BlackRock’s 5th floor at 40 East 52nd Street. The program will include […]