prison

Fuck with Count Vikula at your own risk. Read more »

For about a year now, Bernie Madoff has been holding court with various members of the press about something that’s been plaguing him: the fact that few people if any are willing to give credit where credit is due. Yes, he may have pleaded guilty to a $50 billion crime that ruined countless people’s lives, including those of his wife and children, one of whom committed suicide as a result, but he did a lot of other stuff too, like run a “successful business” for which he won lots of “industry awards” during his “legitimate years.” And, yet, everyone seems to forget all that when his name comes up, much like they conveniently forgot about how Mussolini made the trains run or time, or how Hitler built those wonderful autobahns, or how Ted Bundy made women feel special. And since he’s serving a 150 year sentence, Berns has had lots of time to ponder why his years of legitimate achievements go unmentioned and the one thing he keeps coming back to? Irving Picard, who’s pulled a fast one on you all, by suggesting that Bernie’s crime started wayyyyy before it did, when, in fact, Madoff Securities was only running a Ponzi scheme for barely even 20 years. Examine the evidence Madoff shared with Forbes contributor Diana B. Henriques via email:

Jan. 17, 2011 11:05 A.M. … Also remember that the U.S. Attorney admitted that they had no evidence that the crime started in the 80’s and could establish that Montauk and the N.Y. homes in Ruth’s name were not purchased with tainted funds …

Mar. 10, 2011 7:35 A.M. … I would love to know what evidence [Picard] has to date my crime back to 1983 … THE FACT IS THAT THERE IS NONE.

8:05 A.M. … I say once again the fraud started in the 90’s …

Mar. 18, 2011 9:26 A.M. … I guess I’m obsessed with this START OF CRIME ISSUE.

Don’t you see, idiots of the media?! That’s the real issue here. Not the crime itself but the start of the crime. Do the math. Read more »

April 7, 2009: The then Sir Allen Stanford chokes back tears over being deprived of being named Forbes’ 405th richest person in the world as a result of the Ponzi charges (which he described as “baloney” and told a reporter using the dirty word, “If you say Ponzi to my face again, I will punch you in the mouth”). Read more »

Remember, back in April, when a bunch of UBS employees, were escorted out of the building and told not to come back, “pending an internal review into their conduct”? At the time we knew all four worked in operations and that they “were responsible for securities movements and payments,” and speculated that perhaps this was another RBS/Jim Glover-esque incident. Today, some other details have been filled in.

Reilly, 34, of Congers, N.Y., was sentenced today by Senior United States District Judge Warren W. Eginton in Bridgeport to 33 months of imprisonment, followed by three years of supervised release, for stealing more than $673,000 from UBS, his employer. According to court documents and statements made in court, from 1999 to April 2011, Reilly was employed at UBS in various positions. Most recently, Reilly worked at the Stamford office of UBS Securities, LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of the parent company. From November 2007 through January 2010, Reilly held the position of director within the settlements group and, as such, was responsible for overseeing various activities, including managing and maintaining suspense accounts and making sure that accurate payments were made to and by UBS on a daily basis. From approximately February 2009 to April 2011, Reilly was responsible for approximately 84 fraudulent wire transfers that caused more than $673,000 of company funds to be transferred to his own personal accounts…Reilly used his position as a director in the settlements group to cause subordinates to make false journal entries and fraudulent wire transfers without them knowing that the entries were false and that the transfers were going to Reilly’s personal accounts. Today, Reilly was ordered to pay restitution in the amount of $673,447.47.

According to the sentencing memo, Reilly stole from the good people at UBS to feed a gambling addiction that often found him sports-betting on the job (by his own estimation, at the height of his problem Reilly would spend “8 hours gambling and 2 hours working”) and sometimes on cruise ships. Read more »

  • 28 Nov 2011 at 12:02 PM

Pump And Dump King Seeks Queen

Are you a lady looking for love? Have you found relationships with men who haven’t done time in federal prison to be lacking a certain je ne sais quoi? Does the idea of being with a guy who has an elastic view of securities laws do anything for you? Then girlfriends, you are in for a treat. Roy Ageloff, a “former millionaire trader” who is finishing up an 11 year sentence for running a “vast pump and dump manipulation,” is schedule to be sprung free on Dec. 11, 2013 and he hopes you’ll be waiting for him. Interested? Here’s Roy, in his own words. Read more »

The convicted insider trader, who was previously scheduled to report to prison for an 11 year sentence at the end of the month, was granted a few extra days of freedom. He’ll now have ’til December 5 to dance like nobody’s watching. [WSJ]

  • 21 Oct 2011 at 4:08 PM

Bernie Madoff Couldn’t Be Happier Behind Bars

Maybe, you thought, Bernie Madoff wouldn’t like prison. Maybe, you thought, after a life of luxury, living in an 8X10 would cramp his style. Maybe, you thought, that he’d have trouble earning 14 cents an hour sweeping the floors, after spending several decades ‘earning’ millions making fake trades. Maybe, you thought, he wouldn’t take to an environment wherein taking your pants off means open season on your ass, after coming from a work environment where nobody blinked an eye when he regularly “dropped his trou in the office to ensure that the line of his shirt buttons was precisely vertical,” without the slightest threat of attack. Maybe, you thought, he’d be home sick. Maybe, you thought, he wouldn’t make any friends. Maybe, you thought, he wouldn’t get picked by any fraternities during rush. Well, you couldn’t be anymore wrong. Not only is Berns quickly adjusting and joining all sorts of groups, but he’s having the time of his life. Read more »