prison

Breathe easy, friends of Bob Diamond and the guy who wrote “Anything for you, Big Boy,” as a response to the request, “Can you manipulate Libor for me today when you’ve got a sec? Thanks a mill.” In this case we speak of Rachael Claire Martin, the ex-Barlcays employee who used customer funds to pay for breast augmentations, dental work, liposuction, drugs, alcohol, shoes, and jewelry, despite initially telling authorities she covered the tricks and treats with money she earned engaging in sex for payment (an excuse anyone else facing questioning for their own alleged misconduct should feel free to test out). Read more »

Remember Bradley Birkenfeld? He’s the guy who single-handedly made the government’s case against UBS and forced the Swiss bank to hand over the names of thousands of tax cheats, which resulted in the US scoring $780 million from UBS and may have inspired some 33,000 Americans to “voluntarily disclose offshore accounts to the IRS, generating more than $5 billion.” And yet, despite his assistance, Birkenfeld wasn’t immediately thanked for a job well done. Instead, he was sentenced to forty months in prison (fair-ish, considering he showed a few clients how to avoid paying taxes himself) and told to piss off by the Internal Revenue Service, from whom he sought an award, because he was “not forthcoming about his own role in the scheme,” even as a Justice Department attorney admitted that “…without Mr. Birkenfeld walking into the door of the Department of Justice in the summer of 2007, I doubt as of today that this massive fraud would have been discovered by the US government” (or as his lawyer put it, “They didn’t know how to spell UBS until he showed up. He didn’t just give them a piece of the puzzle. He gave them the entire puzzle”). Now, after doing 32 months at Schuylkill Federal Correctional Institution, getting let out early on account of “good-time credit,” and living in a halfway house in New Hampshire, Birkenfeld has finally been thrown a bone. Read more »

  • 17 Jul 2012 at 11:48 AM

Former Barclays Employee Is Probably Going To Jail

Before anyone takes to Twitter to give the UK a piece of her mind, though, breathe easy: the misconduct is related to funds used to pay for breast augmentations and other cosmetic enhancements and could even take some of the heat off of Bob Diamond et al, who’ve yet* to be accused of using customer money to finance their liposuction. Read more »

Fuck with Count Vikula at your own risk. Read more »

For about a year now, Bernie Madoff has been holding court with various members of the press about something that’s been plaguing him: the fact that few people if any are willing to give credit where credit is due. Yes, he may have pleaded guilty to a $50 billion crime that ruined countless people’s lives, including those of his wife and children, one of whom committed suicide as a result, but he did a lot of other stuff too, like run a “successful business” for which he won lots of “industry awards” during his “legitimate years.” And, yet, everyone seems to forget all that when his name comes up, much like they conveniently forgot about how Mussolini made the trains run or time, or how Hitler built those wonderful autobahns, or how Ted Bundy made women feel special. And since he’s serving a 150 year sentence, Berns has had lots of time to ponder why his years of legitimate achievements go unmentioned and the one thing he keeps coming back to? Irving Picard, who’s pulled a fast one on you all, by suggesting that Bernie’s crime started wayyyyy before it did, when, in fact, Madoff Securities was only running a Ponzi scheme for barely even 20 years. Examine the evidence Madoff shared with Forbes contributor Diana B. Henriques via email:

Jan. 17, 2011 11:05 A.M. … Also remember that the U.S. Attorney admitted that they had no evidence that the crime started in the 80’s and could establish that Montauk and the N.Y. homes in Ruth’s name were not purchased with tainted funds …

Mar. 10, 2011 7:35 A.M. … I would love to know what evidence [Picard] has to date my crime back to 1983 … THE FACT IS THAT THERE IS NONE.

8:05 A.M. … I say once again the fraud started in the 90’s …

Mar. 18, 2011 9:26 A.M. … I guess I’m obsessed with this START OF CRIME ISSUE.

Don’t you see, idiots of the media?! That’s the real issue here. Not the crime itself but the start of the crime. Do the math. Read more »

April 7, 2009: The then Sir Allen Stanford chokes back tears over being deprived of being named Forbes’ 405th richest person in the world as a result of the Ponzi charges (which he described as “baloney” and told a reporter using the dirty word, “If you say Ponzi to my face again, I will punch you in the mouth”). Read more »


Former New York Mets star and financial guru Lenny Dykstra was sentenced to three years in state prison on Monday, after a judge rejected a last-ditch effort to change his no contest plea and fight the charges. He had pleaded no contest to grand theft auto and filing a false financial statement in connection with a scheme to use somebody else’s paperwork to steal or lease several new cars, according to court records…In delivering the sentence, L.A. County Superior Court Judge Cynthia Ulfig said the effort to steal cars showed “sophistication, planning.” Her sentence came after Dykstra’s lawyer unsuccessfully urged the court to withdraw the no contest plea. But Ulfig said Dykstra was given ample due process and he had numerous opportunities to show evidence that he was innocent. After she rejected the plea withdrawal, Dykstra addressed the court, making a rambling and repetitive speech requesting leniency. “Did I do something I’m not proud of? Yes,” Dykstra said. “Am I a criminal? No.” [LA Times, earlier]

Remember, back in April, when a bunch of UBS employees, were escorted out of the building and told not to come back, “pending an internal review into their conduct”? At the time we knew all four worked in operations and that they “were responsible for securities movements and payments,” and speculated that perhaps this was another RBS/Jim Glover-esque incident. Today, some other details have been filled in.

Reilly, 34, of Congers, N.Y., was sentenced today by Senior United States District Judge Warren W. Eginton in Bridgeport to 33 months of imprisonment, followed by three years of supervised release, for stealing more than $673,000 from UBS, his employer. According to court documents and statements made in court, from 1999 to April 2011, Reilly was employed at UBS in various positions. Most recently, Reilly worked at the Stamford office of UBS Securities, LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of the parent company. From November 2007 through January 2010, Reilly held the position of director within the settlements group and, as such, was responsible for overseeing various activities, including managing and maintaining suspense accounts and making sure that accurate payments were made to and by UBS on a daily basis. From approximately February 2009 to April 2011, Reilly was responsible for approximately 84 fraudulent wire transfers that caused more than $673,000 of company funds to be transferred to his own personal accounts…Reilly used his position as a director in the settlements group to cause subordinates to make false journal entries and fraudulent wire transfers without them knowing that the entries were false and that the transfers were going to Reilly’s personal accounts. Today, Reilly was ordered to pay restitution in the amount of $673,447.47.

According to the sentencing memo, Reilly stole from the good people at UBS to feed a gambling addiction that often found him sports-betting on the job (by his own estimation, at the height of his problem Reilly would spend “8 hours gambling and 2 hours working”) and sometimes on cruise ships. Read more »