prison

  • 28 Nov 2011 at 12:02 PM

Pump And Dump King Seeks Queen

Are you a lady looking for love? Have you found relationships with men who haven’t done time in federal prison to be lacking a certain je ne sais quoi? Does the idea of being with a guy who has an elastic view of securities laws do anything for you? Then girlfriends, you are in for a treat. Roy Ageloff, a “former millionaire trader” who is finishing up an 11 year sentence for running a “vast pump and dump manipulation,” is schedule to be sprung free on Dec. 11, 2013 and he hopes you’ll be waiting for him. Interested? Here’s Roy, in his own words. Read more »

The convicted insider trader, who was previously scheduled to report to prison for an 11 year sentence at the end of the month, was granted a few extra days of freedom. He’ll now have ’til December 5 to dance like nobody’s watching. [WSJ]

  • 21 Oct 2011 at 4:08 PM

Bernie Madoff Couldn’t Be Happier Behind Bars

Maybe, you thought, Bernie Madoff wouldn’t like prison. Maybe, you thought, after a life of luxury, living in an 8X10 would cramp his style. Maybe, you thought, that he’d have trouble earning 14 cents an hour sweeping the floors, after spending several decades ‘earning’ millions making fake trades. Maybe, you thought, he wouldn’t take to an environment wherein taking your pants off means open season on your ass, after coming from a work environment where nobody blinked an eye when he regularly “dropped his trou in the office to ensure that the line of his shirt buttons was precisely vertical,” without the slightest threat of attack. Maybe, you thought, he’d be home sick. Maybe, you thought, he wouldn’t make any friends. Maybe, you thought, he wouldn’t get picked by any fraternities during rush. Well, you couldn’t be anymore wrong. Not only is Berns quickly adjusting and joining all sorts of groups, but he’s having the time of his life. Read more »

This afternoon, Danielle Chiesi will report to a West Virginia prison for a 30-month stay, for her role in the Galleon insider trading case, wherein she passed valuable tips on to Raj Rajaratnam after the tech execs she worked closely with passed her a few of their own. Chiesi will be bunking at Federal Prison Camp Alderson (former home of Martha Stewart, where “women hide sugar packets and crackers in their socks and conceal larger items like eggs under their shirts”), and while Bloomberg reports that the former beauty queen/Newscastle analyst won’t be living alongside ‘sadistic crack-selling lesbian rapists‘ (“It’s more college campus than Chained Heat, the 1983 exploitation film about women in jail” we’re assured), there may still be a few aspects of prison life about which D-Chi (“they give each other nicknames,” says one former resident) will be less than thrilled. Such as: Read more »

Raj Rajaratnam Gets 11 Years, Needs A Kidney


The defense had asked for 6.5 to 8 years on account of 1) the fact that, they say, Raj only made $7.4 million off his trades and 2) the “unique constellation of ailments ravaging his body” that would result in him dying behind bars if given a sentence “anywhere near” the prosecution’s request for 19.5 to 24 years. Read more »

At some point tomorrow, Raj Rajaratnam will be sentenced for the 14 counts of securities fraud and conspiracy he was found guilty on in May. The prosecution, which claims the Galleon founder netted “at least” $50 million in ill-gotten gains, has requested he go away for anywhere between 19 years and seven months to 24 1/2 years, while the defense, which argues Raj scored a mere $7.4 million, would prefer 6 1/2 to 8 years. To that end, the Rajaratnam team led by attorney John “How long are you going to suck [U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York] Preet’s teat” Dowd has 1) asked friends of Raj to send character letters to Judge Howell highlighting what a great guy he is and 2) made the bold statement that Rajaratnam is suffering from a “unique constellation of ailments ravaging his body” and that he will most certainly “perish if given a lengthy prison term.” To date, individuals vaguely and otherwise connected to the Galleon case have been sentenced to 2.5 years (Danielle Chiesi), 3 years (Emanuel Goffer), 4 years (lobster fiend) 10 years (Zvi Goffer). So! Read more »

  • 22 Sep 2011 at 10:46 AM
  • Pets

Golden Retriever Latest Victim Of Insider Trading Crackdown

Back in June, the lawyer for Winifred Jiau, expert network empress and accused insider trader, made a simple plea: “Put an end to this misguided prosecution,” Joanna Hendon said. “Send Ms. Jiau back to California, and to her dog.”

While the request might’ve played well with golden retriever lovers, the presiding judge didn’t care. He dragged things out another month, finding Jiau guilty over the summer and later on denying a request for acquittal or a new trial. Was Winifred the person you wanted to work with if you held an elastic view of securities laws and most certainly guilty of insider trading? Unquestionably: yes. Was she an individual who commanded sympathy, leniency or to whom you’d want to throw a bone? Those who benefited from her tips would be the first to tell you hell no.

In fact, she was bossy, she would cancel meetings at the last second, she would demand $300 gift certificates to the Cheesecake factory in one breath and a dozen Thanksgiving lobsters in the next, she would meet you for a pass off of material non-public information and tell you the shellfish you sent were Maine lobsters and she’d specifically request South African lobsters (even though she hadn’t) and then spit in your face and walk away and yes, sometimes you’d sit at your desk after she’d reamed you out over the phone for not giving her “the sugar” and fantasize about various ways you could kill her and make it look like an accident but having said all that: there’s a dog waiting for this lady and judge? She knows people who can make certain that these will be the first words you hear when you wake up and the last one’s you hear before you go to bed, for the rest of your life: Read more »

Back in May, Rengen Rajaratnam, little brother of Raj, made a simple request. For friends of the Galleon founder to send character letters to the judge in an effort to convince him to be lenient in sentencing. Rengen helpfully included some links on the proper formatting to use when drafting such missives and considering all the lives Raj had touched, it shouldn’t have proved too difficult a task. Was it so much to ask that people recall, for instance, the tears of joy he brought to their eyes when he paid an employee to allow herself to be tased? Or the midget gags? Apparently yes because his legal team has been forced to turn to plan B: breaking the news that Raj is dying of a disease the likes of which you can’t even imagine. Read more »