Private Equity

Jamie Dimon’s Dream Of So You Think You Can Dance Domination Inching Closer To Reality

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In our last edition of “Things you thought you knew re: James Dimon but were in fact dead wrong about,” we told you that contrary to the belief of certain prosecutors, Dimon does not in fact have time to make bi-weekly runs to Atlanta, to dump used tires, illegally. Today it’s a matter of taste. Specifically that of TV. Most of you wrote in to say you took JD for a Jersey Shore kinda guy. Well you were wrong, fucksticks! If you know anything about the JPMorgan CEO, it’s that he loves a good fight and if he can throw down with his dancing feet as opposed to fisticuffs? ALL THE BETTER. Continue reading »

The Margin Whisper

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Private Equity, and leveraged buyouts in particular, has managed to stay quite decidedly under the radar for much of the credit crisis. This despite being, by definition, highly dependent on consistent, if not entirely favorable, interest rate environments, regarded as an easy scape-goat for the debt woes of many a struggling public firm, and populated with an uber-wealthy and less than discrete senior manager corps.
Despite the opaque nature of the panic, they are, however, not immune.

Debt funds managed by Apollo Management and Blackstone Group’s GSO Capital Partners recently fended off margin calls from banks as the prices of debt that they invested in were hammered, according to people familiar with the matter.
Apollo Credit Opportunities Fund LP received margin calls that were “modest” relative to the overall size of the fund, said a person with knowledge of the situation. In addition, the fund recently walked away from at least two agreed-to trades to purchase debt from Morgan Stanley and Royal Bank of Scotland because of the declining values of such securities, said three people familiar with the situation.

Apollo, GSO Debt Funds Have Faced Margin Call Issues [Deal Journal]

  • 11 Aug 2008 at 11:05 AM
  • bonuses

Fortress Makes Sure Someone’s Doing Better Than Cheeseball Rockstars

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How’s your PnL looking so far this year? Happy your long dollar position is starting to look good? Or are you annoying your b-school alumni affairs office asking them to post more jobs for experienced grads (Hey, Columbia, are you reading this? Get to work!).
Either way, if you have time to read this, I’ll bet you’re not doing as well as Adam Levinson. No, not that jerk from Maroon 5 — that’s Adam Levine.
Adam Levinson is doing WAY better than Adam Levine. For one, no one’s calling him a no-talent bastard to his face. For another, Fortress Investment Group just gave him $300 million in shares. But that’s not the first time he made more money than you or that weasel Adam Levine.
According to Jeffrey Cane of Portfolio.com (who wrote a piece linking to a lot of other pieces I didn’t read; As a former derivatives trader, I like to think of this as derivative journalism):

“Levinson, whose annual income Trader Monthly estimated a year ago was between $75 million and $100 million, joined Fortress in 2002 from Goldman Sachs. “

Then Cane asks the question we all ask ourselves when we read such things, if only to make ourselves feel better:

“The package shows that even amid a slowdown, firms are still paying out huge sums to star traders and dealmakers. Are they worth it?”

If you’re not Adam Levinson, the answer to that question is usually, “Hell no! Give that money to me!”. However, if you’re Adam Levinson, the answer is inevitably, “Hell yes! I should be paid more!”
Apparently, a Citigroup analyst disagrees with Fortress and Levinson and Cane provides a nifty quote. However, at the rate things are going, Levinson can buy out Citigroup, fire the analyst, and delete Adam Levine’s bank account so we don’t have to read about his dating exploits ever again.
Apropos of nothing, I always think of this site when i think of Adam Levine.