probes

Beggars can’t be choosers, etc, but honestly, they really put a damper on earnings day! Read more »

In its latest corporate confession, the nation’s biggest bank disclosed that it’s facing more than a dozen civil and criminal investigations into its virtually every aspect of its business. Beyond the infamous “London Whale” debacle, the bank is also being investigated over mortgage-bond sales, improper foreclosure practices, interest-rate rigging and power market manipulation, according to JPMorgan’s latest quarterly filing with regulators. Although the bank didn’t reveal any new investigations, taken together they underscore the multitude of legal and regulatory challenges confronting JPMorgan boss Jamie Dimon. Indeed, earlier this month JPMorgan took the unusual step of disclosing that it had set aside a whopping $23 billion to tackle potential legal problems…Despite the wide-ranging issues, JPMorgan officials believe the bank is finally making headway on its raft of legal and regulatory woes after years of wrangling, according to sources. [NYP]

Nobody’s trying to put Paul Singer in jail—yet—but the Elliott Management chief has had to disclose an insider-trading probe to his investors. Read more »

If you had asked us two years or two months or two days ago if we thought that there would be a time in the near future when Securities and Exchange employees would not be regularly reprimanded for watching porn on their work-issued computers for 98 percent of the workday, we would have said absolutely not. No judgment, but in our professional opinion, people do not go from, among other things:

* Receiving “over 16,000 access denials for Internet websites classified by the Commission’s Internet filter as either “Sex” or “Pornography” in a one-month period”

* Accessing “Internet pornography and downloading pornographic images to his SEC computer during work hours so frequently that, on some days, he spent eight hours accessing Internet pornography…downloading so much pornography to his government computer that he exhausted the available space on the computer hard drive and downloaded pornography to CDs or DVDs that he accumulated in boxes in his office.”

* www.ladyboyx.com, www.ladyboyjuice.com, www.trannytit.com, and www.anal-sins.com

…to living a porn-free existence at l’office. Did we think they’d take baby steps toward that goal? Sure. But when you’ve tried to log on to your websites of choice, on average, 533 times a day, assuming weekends were worked, baby steps means getting yourself to a place where you can do a solid two hours of work each week without hitting up anal-sins.com. So you can imagine (and probably share in) our surprise to hear that, according to a probe by Interim Inspector General Jon Rymer re: “misuses of government resources,” the worst offenses one office was charged with claiming they needed iPads to do their jobs when really they just wanted to watch movies on them at home and going to hacker conferences without encrypting the data on their computers. Read more »

  • 24 May 2012 at 3:56 PM

Dick Fuld’s Weekend Is Looking Up

U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission investigators have concluded their probe of possible financial fraud at Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. and determined that they will probably not recommend any enforcement action against the firm or its former executives, according to an excerpt of an internal agency memo. Under a heading reading “Activity in the Last Four Weeks,” the undated document reads, “The staff has concluded its investigation and determined that charges will likely not be recommended.” [Bloomberg]

Goldman said that it’s been notified of the probe via “oral advisement,” or the action known as “words exiting a human’s mouth,” to the layman. Read more »


Also, Chaz thinks all of this has gone too far, and just because something “smells bad” doesn’t mean it’s illegal.