• 02 May 2014 at 8:45 AM

Royal Bank Of Scotland Stuns Universe

They said it would never happen. Said they couldn’t do it. Said there wasn’t even a point in trying. Laughed at the prospect. Scoffed at the mere thought. Jeered at them in the City. Snickered about their pipe dreams in the pub. Shouted, “Come on now, mate, just give up already.”

They were wrong. Read more »

  • 09 Jan 2014 at 6:08 PM

Steve Cohen’s Week Is Looking Up

Yes, tje jury has been selected for a trial against the guy who is alleged to have orchestrated “the most lucrative insider trading scheme ever,” AKA his former employee, Mathew Martoma. Yes, Frontline just aired a special on him that was not exactly flattering. Yes, he just had to slash the price of his Manhattan penthouse to $98 million from $115 million. Yes, his ex-wife is still alive. But thanks to a li’l company Intercept Pharmaceuticals Inc, he just scored himself 200 million pick-me-ups. Read more »

…says former CEO who may or may not be authorized to speak for the place. Ya hear that would-be buyers? You can piss all the way off. Read more »

  • 14 Jan 2011 at 9:30 AM

Vikram Pandit’s Birthday Will Be One For The Books

For those of you who failed to mark it down on your calendars, please be advised that today is Vikram Pandit’s birthday (his 54th to be exact). Normally we’d tell you to drop what you’re doing and pick up something for him A-SAP but this year we’d advise you to go the no presents route. Not because Vickles is one of those faux modest jerks who says “no gifts, just your company” while not really meaning it but because we can say with absolute certainty that you will not top the gift to end all gifts Vikula is already poised to receive. Dick Parsons, if you’ll do the honors. Read more »

  • 06 Jan 2011 at 10:45 AM

Who Were The Most Profitable Hedge Funds Of 2010?

The latest issue of Bloomberg Markets magazine has the answer to that burning question but first, let’s take a gander at who had the best performance, among large hedge funds.

Congratulations to all for jobs very well done. Unfortunately, with the exception of Bridgewater, none of the above made the sort of money that would qualify them for a spot on the most profitable list, which must be a kick in the pants. Here are the funds that did, which may have had something– not all just something– to do with a little thing that starts with a ‘char’ ends with a ‘ging a fuckton of fees.’ Read more »