A few weeks back, FrontPoint Partners’ healthcare fund had its name in the press due to its association with a French doctor who allegedly passed one of its managers some hot tips. Not really that big a deal in the grand scheme of things (especially considering the firm itself was never actually charged with any wrongdoing) but apparently investors thought differently. They have redeemed en masse, forcing FrontPoint to liquidate the $1.5 billion fund. And now they need to sit down for a little chat re: the ways of the world. Continue reading »
pussies
Animal Welfare Society Not Buying RBS Employee’s Story About Why She Threw A Cat In The Trash
By Bess Levin
“I cannot explain why I did this, it is completely out of character and I certainly did not intend to cause any distress to Lola or her owners,” Mary Bale, the woman who threw a Tabby cat in the trash last week, said. “It was a split second of misjudgment that has got completely out of control.” Miss Bale said she was just walking home on Saturday when she saw the cat and decided to play with it. But she told the Sun that she “suddenly thought it would be funny” to put it in the bin. “I did it as a joke because I thought it would be funny. I never thought it would be trapped, I expected it to wriggle out,” she said. A spokesman for the RSPCA said: “This is now an RSPCA case. Mary Bale has been interviewed by an RSPCA inspector and a full file is being compiled and will be sent for review by the prosecutions department.” While Miss Bale admitted she should not have done it, she said she did not deserve to be ‘hated’ by everyone and assumed the cat would find its own way out of the bin. Her mother also insisted the unmarried bank clerk “loved cats”- and had even kept them as pets as a child. [DM via BI]
Charlie Gasparino: Dick Fuld Acted Like A Total Puss During The Lehman Brothers Inquiry
By Bess Levin
As it’s been previously mentioned, Dick Fuld has been sleeping like a baby since the examiner’s report on Lehman came out. Though some would suggest the report’s findings indicate Fuld is a criminal, the ex-CEO believes it painted him in a phenomenal light. Reading the final draft also put Dick in a great mood because it took a huge weight off his shoulders. This is going to seem crazy, but apparently he was actually a bit nervous about what the thing would say about him! To the extent he could barely enjoy himself! Not even picking out the perfect outfit soothed him; my god, he could barely match shirt and tie without collapsing on the closet floor. Basically, The Gorilla was an absolute ball of nerves and you if you want Charlie Gasparino’s opinion? Kind of acted like a big puss during the ordeal. Sayeth Chaz:
According to people who know how the former Lehman CEO behaved during the inquiry, he often appeared “hyper” and “highly agitated,” and “barely stood still” during the questioning. One person with knowledge of Fuld’s behavior said that at times “he broke down” when asked about Lehman’s demise, and at others exhibited a tremendous amount of “nervous energy.”
It’s honestly a good thing CG wasn’t around to witness this display first hand, as it would’ve sickened him. Ridiculous. Gaspo didn’t say this in his report, because he works for a family network, but it would not surprise him to hear that Fuld pissed his shorts in fear on a daily basis and furthermore, that those shorts were “frilly lace panties” (Chaz’s words, not mine). But if he had been there? You can bet he’d be having none of this, and would’ve had no problem telling Dick as much, while sharing a little piece of advice. Little something like this. Continue reading »
As previously mentioned, Tim Geithner recently embarked on a pussy-offensivepussy outreach program. Whether it’s that he’s trying to gain fans among those who’ve got ‘em, has one himself, or a little bit a of both matters not. He’s going grocery shopping, he’s showing his emotions, he’s appearing in Vogue. And from the last, we’ve learned a few things about Timbo we’d previously never known. Such as:
* He’s somehow convinced people he “has the kind of looks that can go either way: Half an inch one way he’s John F. Kennedy; half an inch the other he’s Lyle Lovett.”
* He’s self-aware, and self-deprecating: “the first thing he tells [writer Rebecca Johnson] when we sit down is how much ‘shit’ he’s going to get from his friends for doing an interview with Vogue.”
* His mother watches CNBC like she’s on a trading floor: “The intensity, the consequences, the lack of a road map, the fact that three minutes after an announcement you are seeing the reaction on CNBC– it’s almost unprecedented. The televised babble became so bad at times, Geithner’s own mother thought about watching TV with the volume turned down.”
* He and Jon Stewart are gonna have words: “…the angriest he’s ever been was probably the afternoon a camera crew for Jon Stewart’s Daily Show showed up unexpectedly at his house in Larchmont, New York…Geithner’s teenage children, who were home alone at the time, had not be in on the joke. When a camera crew pulled up, they called their father at his office, terrified. ‘Ive never seen him so mad,’ one aid remembers.”
* He most likely uses an herbal remedy to take the edge off things: “What little free time he has, he prefers to spend with his children, building a ramp in the driveway for skateboarding, surfing off the coast of Cape Cod, building a guitar by hand.”
* He fantasized about being “the guy who saved Citi” but spared us having to live in a world without Uncle Vik: “…he is said to have been sorely tempted by an offer to run Citibank.”
As you’ve probably noticed, Tim Geithner’s had a pretty tough go of it lately. People are pissed at him about the bailouts, no one will get off him about AIG, many feel he “coddles” Wall Street and rarely a day goes by that the Treasury Secretary’s ousting is not called for, and not just by pissants on the internet. His job doesn’t actually seem to be in any actual danger at the moment– according to Rahm Emanuel, “The president’s view is that Tim is one of the stars,” but clearly something needs to be done about how the public sees TG. To show them he cares. That he “gets” it. That he’s just one of them. But how? An article this morning concerning T. Geith’s “charm offensive” included the following photo of Mr. Geithner, touring a supermarket in Philadelphia with Michelle Obama:
Our initial thought: what the hell? How is Tim Geithner mixing it up at the grocery store and smiling maniacally at a bunch of produce going to endear him to the public? Then, a few lines later, this:
Mr. Geithner says even his wife has urged him to show more emotion in confronting the banks.
So, okay. Grocery stores…not being afraid to show his feelings….he’s not working the…vagina angle is he? No, come on. You’re making huge leaps in logic here, we said to ourselves. We actually almost started to feel guilty for coming to such gender stereo-typing conclusions, and would’ve continued to do so, if the next thing we saw hadn’t been this:
As many of you might’ve heard, earlier today, the New York City public school system decided to cancel school for tomorrow, due to the reports of snow and the fact that every seems to be losing his/her shit over a little powder. These people included the employees of Morgan Stanley, who’ve apparently been spending the afternoon trying to get out of coming into the office tomorrow. In fairness, the bank had kind of given people an opening by sending out a note earlier that everyone should “expect delays in your business travel, so plan accordingly.” Gorman and Co, however, have had enough of this “I’m commuting all the way from downtown,” “I’m a pussy,” etc. crap, and blasted out the following just now: “The Firm will be open for business throughtout this weather event.” So, please plan accordingly, by growing a pair. This is not DC.
Goldman Sachs has gone on record to say that contrary to popular belief, the bank does not start each morning by clubbing baby seals in the basement of 85 Broad. Today the progress God’s workers made ingratiating themselves to the animal community is flushed down the toilet, with the news that while marine mammals get a pass, kittens with no place to go? Let them die in the streets, even if they were discovered in GS-owned cathouse.
According to a report by The Villager, five kittens were born this past August in the firm’s not yet completed new headquarters downtown. At the time Goldman said it would pay for the kitties’ vet bills and encourage employees to adopt the furballs. Three months later, none of them have a home, and the cat doctor is still awaiting payment. Now. Truth be told, we personally can understand that not everyone likes cats, as they’re fairly creepy. It’s not like Goldman abandoned a bunch of puppies in which case we’d advise every GS’er to get out of town, ASAP. And, by all accounts, Lloyd’s a parakeet guy. But the fact remains that those jerks used these things to come off all warm and fluffy to the public. What kind of sick fucks would do something like that? Goldman, apparently. They acted like they cared when in fact they don’t give a rat’s ass. This makes Goldman a liar. Capital “L”, small “i”, small “a”, small “r”, period. And now, we need to review everything else they’ve ever told us, and ask ourselves, what else have they been lying about? Maybe they do club baby seals. Maybe, despite what they’ve said, egomaniacs actually are employed at 85B. MAYBE THEY REALLY DID NEED THE TARP MONEY.
Goldman Sachs Charged With Abandoning Kittens [NYM]
