• News

    RBS Chief Stephen Hester May Not Have Been Briefed On Fellow CEOs Bonuses When He Defended His £7.7M One By Saying It Was “At The Low End Of Comparable Jobs”

    RBS CEO Stephen Hester was recently asked by Parliament to defend his bonus for 2011, which clocked in at around £7.7m. Some might argue the Brits had the right to do so in light of the fact that about 82 percent of the bank is owned by the government. The two sides brought slightly different […]

    / Mar 16, 2011 at 5:50 PM
  • News

    It Is Now Illegal To Refer To Former RBS Banker Fred Goodwin As A Banker

    Remember Fred Goodwin? He was the CEO of RBS for a number of years (about 8) and for many of them, probably right liked being called a ‘banker.’ Like in 2000, when he was name Chief executive and in 2006, when he was voted the most powerful businessman in Scotland. Years from now he’ll look […]

    / Mar 10, 2011 at 6:15 PM
  • News

    Help UK Banks Come Up With ‘Worst Case Scenario’ Drills

    Remember the financial crisis? U.K. bank regulators do and what’s most memorable to them is just how badly their firms fucked that shit up. RBS, seriously? SERIOUSLY? And the rest of you weren’t much better. It’s something that keeps the FSA up at night and to be honest, confidence in your abilities to respond to […]

    / Feb 11, 2011 at 7:18 AM
  • News

    Bonus Watch ’11: RBS

    Yes, bonuses at RBS are expected to be “downsized” at least thirty percent this year but the relatively good news? The bank will get to pay out shitty bonuses on its own terms and not because anyone is forcing them to do so.

    / Jan 11, 2011 at 12:42 PM
  • News

    Bob Diamond Will Not Be Limiting Bonuses For Barclays Staff This Year, Would Appreciate It If The Bank Bashers Would Piss Off, Buy A Clue

    Earlier this morning across the pond, Bob Diamond told the House of Commons Treasury Committee that while payouts will be distributed “responsibly,” Barclays employees will be awarded bonuses that reflect the work they’ve done this year and will not be dictated by some arbitrary cap. Why won’t BD listen to the repeated calls from the […]

    / Jan 11, 2011 at 11:57 AM
  • News

    FSA Has Fun New Idea For Bonuses

    Let the people decide.

    / Jan 3, 2011 at 11:33 AM
  • News

    Some British Bankers Fighting For Their Rights More Than Others

    Perhaps rightfully so, British bankers have had it up to here [here] with their government. The anger stems from freaky ass rules officials would like to impose on financial services chippies (for instance, rules that would cap top execs’ cash bonuses at 20 percent of total total compensation and proposals to tax the shit out […]

    / Dec 15, 2010 at 1:21 PM
  • News

    RBS Strengthens Banking Business With Harry Potter-Themed Gala

    In recent weeks, we’ve received word that RBS will be “downsizing” bonuses by “at least” 30 percent this year; that it may lay off around ten percent of the staff in the coming months; and that employees have had their holiday party celebrations capped at one bag of (fun size) chips per head. So we […]

    / Dec 13, 2010 at 3:26 PM
  • News

    Bonuses At RBS To Be ‘Downsized’ At Least 30 Percent

    Earlier this week, we got word via some RBS higher-ups that bonuses for the Queen’s bitches would be “less than 2009″ this year. How much less? If you’re lucky, apparently thirty percent and if you’re not, more. So, this is not the best news if you happen to be an employee of the Royal Bank […]

    / Dec 10, 2010 at 11:57 AM
  • News

    RBS CEO Stephen Hester Not Very Supportive Of Employees’ Extracurricular Activities

    As few probably remember, back in February we pointed to an account of an anonymous group of London bankers spending £44,000 in one evening as indication that Team RBS may not have fared so badly in the bonus department (at the time they weren’t ID’d as the Queen’s bitches but we’ve got a sixth sense […]

    / Dec 8, 2010 at 11:14 AM
  • News

    Bonus/Layoffs Watch ’10/’11: RBS

    “Bonus downgrades” are coming.

    / Dec 6, 2010 at 10:24 AM
  • News

    Passionless, Cigarette-Smoking RBS Employees Inspire Summer Intern To Flee Wall Street For Waffles

    As we have previously discussed, when one grows up in Greenwich, CT, there are certain expectations. Prep school, college, Wall Street, death. And in the beginning, Garrett Hoelscher did what he was told. He attended the Brunswick school, then Emory and did a summer internship at RBS. But he was just going through the motions. […]

    / Oct 27, 2010 at 2:27 PM
  • News

    Layoffs Watch ’10: RBS Trying Not To Make A Scene As It Cuts Higher-Ups In Stamford?

    Several weeks back, we mentioned that RBS had plans to cut about ten percent of the Stamford staff, with the timing being unclear though before the end of the year. Today we received a bit more info, namely that the assumption inside is that the bank will be cutting people slowly (just a few people […]

    / Oct 25, 2010 at 11:14 AM
  • News

    Layoffs Watch ’10: RBS

    The Queen has a holiday surprise for her corgis. Ten percent of them are getting fired.

    / Oct 13, 2010 at 11:45 AM
  • News

    Chicken Upgrades RBS

    As many of you know, some harsh words have been uttered in the direction of RBS around these parts, all of them deserved. The bank more or less blamed this innocent website for all its problems, be it billions in losses, failed food eating attempts, terrible holiday parties, the inability to pay bonuses for several […]

    / Sep 22, 2010 at 4:36 PM
  • News

    Challenge Extended

    “Just putting it out there: another one of Stamford’s gifts to the world is Jimmy’s aka The Seaside Tavern. Jimmy’s has introduced Seaside’s challenge – 25 sliders, pitcher of beer, and fries. Some guy tried it the other night and only got through 18 (pics enclosed). I’m thinking there should be an RBS & UBS […]

    / Aug 30, 2010 at 12:30 PM
  • News

    Animal Welfare Society Not Buying RBS Employee’s Story About Why She Threw A Cat In The Trash

    “I cannot explain why I did this, it is completely out of character and I certainly did not intend to cause any distress to Lola or her owners,” Mary Bale, the woman who threw a Tabby cat in the trash last week, said. “It was a split second of misjudgment that has got completely out […]

    / Aug 26, 2010 at 2:52 PM
  • News

    Someone Is *Really* Pissed At RBS

    So, some things happened this weekend and it’s all really crazy and wow I can’t even get into it I’m shaking so hard even hearing it second hand. I’m just going to let the victim speak for himself. Promise me you’ll brace yourselves, okay? It’s that bad.

    / Jul 19, 2010 at 3:23 PM
  • News

    No World Cup Field Trip For RBS, Clients

    RBS CEO Stephen Hester recently stated that rebuilding an investment bank from a pile of rubble is a nearly impossible task but if anyone can to it, it’s him. He’s got a plan, a five-year plan in fact, for doing so and you know what that plan doesn’t involve? Sending any of his employees or […]

    / Jun 8, 2010 at 11:45 AM
  • News

    Latest Instance Of BS At RBS

    Last week, RBS’s Stamford trading floor lost power for about ten minutes. Many wondered what was going on, and with no official word from the bank, imaginations ran wild. Had someone kicked over some crucial cords? Was RBS going out of business? As is our wont, we printed a rumor from the inside about what […]

    / May 27, 2010 at 2:40 PM
  • News

    The Scatological Rumor Going Around RBS For Why They Lost Power On The Stamford Trading Floor

    I mean… “Trading floor over here lost power temporarily (I think computers and phones only) for about ten minutes. Rumor is someone clogged a toilet on 7th floor and it leaked into some communications closet on 6th floor (trading). They haven’t confirmed but that seems to be the persistent belief.” If only CNBC were broadcasting […]

    / May 20, 2010 at 1:46 PM
  • News

    Gird Your Loins, Stamford

    CNBC has stormed the castle. One of the queen’s bitches writes: Don’t know if anyone’s noticed but CNBC is broadcasting from the den of mediocrity AKA the RBS trading floor throughout the day. We were told to be on our best behavior and to dress better than we’re paid. Tune in and watch us put […]

    / May 13, 2010 at 9:45 AM
  • News

    London Bankers Celebrate Election Bet With Cristal, 16 Year-Olds?

    Friday night, a bunch of chippies patted themselves on the back for successfully predicting the outcome of the British elections (and winning an undisclosed sum) by spending £60,117.40 on drinks at London nightclub Merah. They started with the most expensive bottle of champagne (a “Methuselah of vintage Cristal at £36,000″), which, not surprisingly, garnered them […]

    / May 10, 2010 at 11:30 AM
  • News

    Buy The House Millions In Stolen Bonus Money From RBS Greenwich Capital Built

    A few weeks ago, we had a little chat about James Glover, the RBSGC managing director who, being pretty ticked about the subpar compensation situation for the past few years, decided to help himself to a bonus (he did so by having junior employees submit wires that would normally go to a counterparty to pay […]

    / Mar 10, 2010 at 12:00 PM

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