• News

    Bonus/Layoffs Watch ’10/’11: RBS

    “Bonus downgrades” are coming.

    / Dec 6, 2010 at 10:24 AM
  • News

    Passionless, Cigarette-Smoking RBS Employees Inspire Summer Intern To Flee Wall Street For Waffles

    As we have previously discussed, when one grows up in Greenwich, CT, there are certain expectations. Prep school, college, Wall Street, death. And in the beginning, Garrett Hoelscher did what he was told. He attended the Brunswick school, then Emory and did a summer internship at RBS. But he was just going through the motions. […]

    / Oct 27, 2010 at 2:27 PM
  • News

    Layoffs Watch ’10: RBS Trying Not To Make A Scene As It Cuts Higher-Ups In Stamford?

    Several weeks back, we mentioned that RBS had plans to cut about ten percent of the Stamford staff, with the timing being unclear though before the end of the year. Today we received a bit more info, namely that the assumption inside is that the bank will be cutting people slowly (just a few people […]

    / Oct 25, 2010 at 11:14 AM
  • News

    Layoffs Watch ’10: RBS

    The Queen has a holiday surprise for her corgis. Ten percent of them are getting fired.

    / Oct 13, 2010 at 11:45 AM
  • News

    Chicken Upgrades RBS

    As many of you know, some harsh words have been uttered in the direction of RBS around these parts, all of them deserved. The bank more or less blamed this innocent website for all its problems, be it billions in losses, failed food eating attempts, terrible holiday parties, the inability to pay bonuses for several […]

    / Sep 22, 2010 at 4:36 PM
  • News

    Challenge Extended

    “Just putting it out there: another one of Stamford’s gifts to the world is Jimmy’s aka The Seaside Tavern. Jimmy’s has introduced Seaside’s challenge – 25 sliders, pitcher of beer, and fries. Some guy tried it the other night and only got through 18 (pics enclosed). I’m thinking there should be an RBS & UBS […]

    / Aug 30, 2010 at 12:30 PM
  • News

    Animal Welfare Society Not Buying RBS Employee’s Story About Why She Threw A Cat In The Trash

    “I cannot explain why I did this, it is completely out of character and I certainly did not intend to cause any distress to Lola or her owners,” Mary Bale, the woman who threw a Tabby cat in the trash last week, said. “It was a split second of misjudgment that has got completely out […]

    / Aug 26, 2010 at 2:52 PM
  • News

    Someone Is *Really* Pissed At RBS

    So, some things happened this weekend and it’s all really crazy and wow I can’t even get into it I’m shaking so hard even hearing it second hand. I’m just going to let the victim speak for himself. Promise me you’ll brace yourselves, okay? It’s that bad.

    / Jul 19, 2010 at 3:23 PM
  • News

    No World Cup Field Trip For RBS, Clients

    RBS CEO Stephen Hester recently stated that rebuilding an investment bank from a pile of rubble is a nearly impossible task but if anyone can to it, it’s him. He’s got a plan, a five-year plan in fact, for doing so and you know what that plan doesn’t involve? Sending any of his employees or […]

    / Jun 8, 2010 at 11:45 AM
  • News

    Latest Instance Of BS At RBS

    Last week, RBS’s Stamford trading floor lost power for about ten minutes. Many wondered what was going on, and with no official word from the bank, imaginations ran wild. Had someone kicked over some crucial cords? Was RBS going out of business? As is our wont, we printed a rumor from the inside about what […]

    / May 27, 2010 at 2:40 PM
  • News

    The Scatological Rumor Going Around RBS For Why They Lost Power On The Stamford Trading Floor

    I mean… “Trading floor over here lost power temporarily (I think computers and phones only) for about ten minutes. Rumor is someone clogged a toilet on 7th floor and it leaked into some communications closet on 6th floor (trading). They haven’t confirmed but that seems to be the persistent belief.” If only CNBC were broadcasting […]

    / May 20, 2010 at 1:46 PM
  • News

    Gird Your Loins, Stamford

    CNBC has stormed the castle. One of the queen’s bitches writes: Don’t know if anyone’s noticed but CNBC is broadcasting from the den of mediocrity AKA the RBS trading floor throughout the day. We were told to be on our best behavior and to dress better than we’re paid. Tune in and watch us put […]

    / May 13, 2010 at 9:45 AM
  • News

    London Bankers Celebrate Election Bet With Cristal, 16 Year-Olds?

    Friday night, a bunch of chippies patted themselves on the back for successfully predicting the outcome of the British elections (and winning an undisclosed sum) by spending £60,117.40 on drinks at London nightclub Merah. They started with the most expensive bottle of champagne (a “Methuselah of vintage Cristal at £36,000″), which, not surprisingly, garnered them […]

    / May 10, 2010 at 11:30 AM
  • News

    Buy The House Millions In Stolen Bonus Money From RBS Greenwich Capital Built

    A few weeks ago, we had a little chat about James Glover, the RBSGC managing director who, being pretty ticked about the subpar compensation situation for the past few years, decided to help himself to a bonus (he did so by having junior employees submit wires that would normally go to a counterparty to pay […]

    / Mar 10, 2010 at 12:00 PM
  • News

    RBS Bonuses Maybe Not So Bad This Year?

    The other day we mentioned that RBS had been granted permission to give out bonuses, though casually suggested the sums wouldn’t be anything to write home about, unless you’re into subordinated debt, in which case, buckle up. There’ve been a few stories out about how the numbers were actually pretty okay, and while Bambi at […]

    / Feb 26, 2010 at 1:40 PM
  • News

    RBS Granted Permission To Pay Bonuses This Year

    Don’t get too excited, young chippies– the bank has merely been told it’s allowed to pay out 1.3 billion pounds ($2.01 billion) as decreed by its overlords (the U.K. Treasury and U.K. Financial Investments, and the Queen’s corgis).

    / Feb 24, 2010 at 11:34 AM
  • News

    RBS Will Not Be Made To Feel Guilty About Its Huge, Gleaming Trading Floor, On-Site Massages

    RBS moved into its new building in Stamford, an 11-story palace on I-95, almost a year ago. So there’s been loads of time for anyone interested in making the team feel bad about the fact that despite having 84 percent of its ass owned by the British government and the massive taxpayer bailout, the bank […]

    / Feb 18, 2010 at 2:47 PM
  • News

    RBS Employee Fired For Awarding Himself Unauthorized Bonus

    For the past few years, bonuses at RBS have been what you call not so great (for good reason of course, which is that whatever money the firm had needed to be put towards on-site saunas and sports bars, so just silence yourselves). RBSGC Managing Director James Glover (apparently known to colleagues though not to […]

    / Feb 8, 2010 at 12:31 PM
  • News

    Bonus Watch ’10: RBS

    Nothing’s been decided for sure yet, but in the event you thought this was going to be your year, RBS CEO Stephen Hester would like to suggest everyone dial down the enthusiasm (and perhaps consider joining the ass-ton of your ship-jumping colleagues over at CRT. There won’t be any hard feelings and you might even […]

    / Jan 12, 2010 at 3:00 PM
  • News

    Party Planner Personally Offended By RBS’s Bare Bones Holiday Party

    RBS has neither the money nor the reason to celebrate a job well done this year. Last night’s party in Stamford (at the office) was as disappointing as one could expect for a firm whose ass is owned by the UK government (except for the department that took theirs off-site to Foxwoods) and the celebrations […]

    / Dec 18, 2009 at 12:12 PM
  • News

    U.K. Says It Was Ready To Pour Taxpayer Money Into Banks Before It Was Needed

    The British government is getting a much-needed from the country’s National Audit Office. It’s pissed off anyway. The NAO concludes that “the Treasury was justified in using taxpayers’ money” and that “it is difficult to imagine the scale of the consequences for the economy and society if major banks have been allowed to collapse.” But […]

    / Dec 4, 2009 at 4:40 PM
  • News

    RBS Has A New Revenue Generating Plan (And It Involves Schnapps, Karaoke, And Maybe Lap Dances)

    A couple weeks ago RBS announced that it would be accepting a few more billion in bailout funds from the UK government. Some employees wondered why this was necessary and today we have an answer. The Telegraph reports that the bank needs the money for booze, a karaoke machine, and dancing girls. Why? First, if […]

    / Nov 13, 2009 at 1:57 PM
  • News

    Bonus Watch ’09 (And Beyond): RBS (To Be Paid Entirely In Debt?)

    From a none too pleased employee of the Queen: RBS in Stamford got the conference call after the “Oh, we’re taking more money from the UK government” news yesterday. (No one understood we why needed more money.) Anyway, since in 2008 the bonuses were deferred until June 2010 (and then, only 1/3 was getting paid […]

    / Nov 4, 2009 at 11:52 AM
  • News

    Britain’s Brown Swears This Round Of Bailout Money Will Work

    The British Treasury is pouring another £39.2 billion into the country’s two largest banks. And even though it may saddle the U.K. itself with another £13 billion in debt, Prime Minister Gordon Brown–in an electorally-suicidal game of three-card bailout monte–calls the deal with RBS and Lloyds Banking Group a boon for the taxpayer. “At the […]

    / Nov 3, 2009 at 12:56 PM
  • News

    Royal Bank of Scotland Better Get Cracking. We Said Now, Mister.

    Back in the “any port in a storm” days in February, RBS was foolish enough to commit to a legally binding lending quota in exchange for a few more wheels of government cheese. (One can only hope it was imported from France, but we doubt it.) RBS had to pay for the recently constructed largest […]

    / Aug 3, 2009 at 10:19 AM
  • News

    Small Texas Firm Picks Off JPM, BAC, and RBS

    You’ve got to hand it to the guys at Austin-based Amherst Holdings, they’ve got some serious moxy. Over the past year, Amherst sold credit protection to JPM on some Lehman-issued subprime MBS and later encouraged the servicer, Aurora Loan Services, to buy the outstanding loans. This made the CDS it sold to JPM completely worthless […]

    / Jun 11, 2009 at 1:25 PM
  • News

    Layoffs Watch ’09: RBS

    RBS apparently laid off its entire Leveraged Finance Group globally yesterday, which, we’re told, “includes everyone (Group heads, MDs, VPs, Associates and Analysts) at their New York office, LA office, London headquarters and multiple other European offices.” Tipster Fred Goodwin added: “For some perspective, the Leveraged Finance Group at RBS pre-credit crisis was the premier […]

    / Apr 17, 2009 at 1:34 PM
  • News

    RBS To Be Confused About Own Identity

    We may well get to watch a sizable good bank / bad bank plan in action before long. RBS has decided to go the fiscal hermaphrodite route (we understand the surgery is radical and risky enough that lots of capital infusions are being hung on the drip cart in preparation). The Royal Bank of Scotland […]

    / Feb 23, 2009 at 10:57 AM

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