Whether you’re on Amtrack, Metro-North, NJ Transit, Chicago’s Metra, or the lawless LIRR, the rules of the quiet car stand: thou shalt not blast music so loud that people can hear it through your headphones, carry on an indoor conversation in an outdoor voice, and, most importantly, never, ever call someone on your cell phone and proceed to give them and, by extension, the rest of the car, the rundown of your entire day, including a detailed account of how you “marched into the boss’s office and told him, ‘I’ll get you the damned TPS report when I’m good and ready!’”
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Expert: Hedge Funds Unlikely To Be Thrilled By Rule Requiring Them To Rat Out Employees Engaging In Securities Fraud, Other Criminal Activities On Their WatchBy Bess Levin
U.S. financial regulators are pushing to turn hedge funds into informers on the white collar crime beat. The Financial Crimes Enforcement Network (FinCEN) is working on a rule that would require U.S. hedge funds to file formal reports notifying U.S. authorities of any suspicious trading by employees or outside parties, the regulatory agency said. The rule being crafted by FinCEN, part of the Treasury Department, would force the $2 trillion hedge fund industry to police itself in much the same way banks, brokerages and mutual funds are required to do by filing suspicious activity reports (SARs) with the unit. Steve Hudak, a FinCEN spokesman, said a proposed rule for the hedge fund industry could be filed for public comment some time in the first half of this year. But the rule, which would cover activities such as insider trading and money laundering, will force funds to spend more money on building out their compliance and legal departments. Hedge fund lawyer Ron Geffner said he expects many in the industry will oppose the new rule as being both intrusive and costly. [Reuters via Dealbook, FINalternatives]
The audit committee has concluded he “violated the company’s standards of ethics” vis-a-vis the whole Lubrizol incident. Read more »
Last month, UBS issued a 44-page set of style commandments for its client-facing employees that included wearing flesh-colored undergarments (never anything red or otherwise flashy), not eating garlic (or anything else that might cause breath issues), how to tie a tie, how to apply make-up, what kind of cologne and perfume to use, a strong opinion against facial hair and one in favor of watches (which demonstrate “trustworthiness and a serious concern for punctuality”). Read more »
The most wonderful time of year is upon us– the office holiday party season. On any given night this month, scores of you will have the opportunity to spend several additional hours with people you despise and possibly rub up against them on the company dime. Today brings a list of rules under the guise of “surviving” said occasion. You should pay attention to them if a) you’ve have little to no human interaction since joining the work force or b) you have no interest in making a splash. Read more »
FINRA Actually Pretty Understanding When It Comes To Brokers Ripping Off The Elderly In Order To Pay For StrippersBy Bess Levin
This is just an FYI for anyone doing some risk/reward analysis re: whether or not freeing up the funds to buy unlimited lap dances by screwing clients is worth it– much to the chagrin of one Bloomberg columnist, you’re really just looking at a relative slap on the wrist. Read more »
Are Columbia Business School Students Having Trouble Playing Nice With Classmates, “Smothering” Bankers?By Bess Levin
According to this email, yes. Seems that the future business leaders of the world are just so excited to show potential employers what they’ve got that they 1) get up into recruiters’ asses more than is socially acceptable and 2) cockblock their friends from doing ths same. The lack of finesse is apparently embarrassing the school and has resulted in a list of rules to live by during networking events, with heavy emphasis on Circle Etiquette.
Subject: [IBC] Break-out Sessions with Bankers–PLEASE READ CAREFULLY
Dear 1st years –
It has come to our attention that some of you have already managed to become notorious for their willingness to elbow their peers out of the circle around senior bankers and virtually attack the bankers with questions, thus preventing other students from networking and participating in the conversation. This is never a good strategy and acting in a socially undesirable way runs a strong risk of branding you as undesirable not just to your classmates but also to recruiters. Once you feel that you have asked a couple of questions, and perhaps received a business card, do not monopolize the banker’s time by standing around awkwardly or asking additional questions. Let your classmates play as well. Furthermore, such behavior shows that you are aggressive and non-collegial, and therefore not a pleasant person to work 100-hour weeks with.
Bankers are very observant people. Moreover, it is much easier to remember somebody with a bad impression than with a good impression – do not smother the bankers with too many questions. Read more »