U.S. financial regulators are pushing to turn hedge funds into informers on the white collar crime beat. The Financial Crimes Enforcement Network (FinCEN) is working on a rule that would require U.S. hedge funds to file formal reports notifying U.S. authorities of any suspicious trading by employees or outside parties, the regulatory agency said. The rule being crafted by FinCEN, part of the Treasury Department, would force the $2 trillion hedge fund industry to police itself in much the same way banks, brokerages and mutual funds are required to do by filing suspicious activity reports (SARs) with the unit. Steve Hudak, a FinCEN spokesman, said a proposed rule for the hedge fund industry could be filed for public comment some time in the first half of this year. But the rule, which would cover activities such as insider trading and money laundering, will force funds to spend more money on building out their compliance and legal departments. Hedge fund lawyer Ron Geffner said he expects many in the industry will oppose the new rule as being both intrusive and costly. [Reuters via Dealbook, FINalternatives]
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Expert: Hedge Funds Unlikely To Be Thrilled By Rule Requiring Them To Rat Out Employees Engaging In Securities Fraud, Other Criminal Activities On Their Watch
By Bess LevinBerkshire Hathaway Was Just Kidding When It Said David Sokol Hadn’t Done Anything Wrong
By Bess LevinThe audit committee has concluded he “violated the company’s standards of ethics” vis-a-vis the whole Lubrizol incident. Read more »
The following excerpt is from The Asylum: The Renegades Who Hijacked The World’s Oil Market, a new book by reporter Leah McGrath Goodman.
The board’s first trip to Dubai did not go smoothy. After meetings with city officials and the DDIA executives, the Nymex directors were looking forward to a night out on the town. They were told that alcohol was hard to come by in a Muslim city, but they’d also been informed Dubai had an impressive selection of exotic prostitutes. “You know what the pecking order is for prostitutes in Dubai? Arab women are the most expensive, followed by the European and American women, then Asians, then Latinas, then, well pretty much everyone else,” says the Nymex straffer who was asked by the board to look into the rates of sex workers for the night (the exchange’s budget, after all, did have a line item for “board entertainment”).
About eighteen of the twenty board members on the trip, according the staffer, wanted to go to the local brothels. “We were staying at the Emirates Towers. When I got back to the hotel that night, a board member was coming in who had two girls with him. At the hotel, you can sign in one hooker, but you have to pay a fee of $100. You can’t sign in two hookers because apparently that would be un-Islamic. The board member wanted me to sign the second girl under my name, because I didn’t have anyone with me. I didn’t want a prostitute under my name, so I wrote another board member’s name instead, and also his rom number. Then I went to bed. Hours later, I get a panicked call from the front desk. They’re telling me to come down, there’s been a big problem.” Read more »
Holiday Party Adviser Offers Good Rules For Hermits, Those Not Looking To Better Their Situation
By Bess LevinThe most wonderful time of year is upon us– the office holiday party season. On any given night this month, scores of you will have the opportunity to spend several additional hours with people you despise and possibly rub up against them on the company dime. Today brings a list of rules under the guise of “surviving” said occasion. You should pay attention to them if a) you’ve have little to no human interaction since joining the work force or b) you have no interest in making a splash. Read more »
FINRA Actually Pretty Understanding When It Comes To Brokers Ripping Off The Elderly In Order To Pay For Strippers
By Bess LevinThis is just an FYI for anyone doing some risk/reward analysis re: whether or not freeing up the funds to buy unlimited lap dances by screwing clients is worth it– much to the chagrin of one Bloomberg columnist, you’re really just looking at a relative slap on the wrist. Read more »
Are Columbia Business School Students Having Trouble Playing Nice With Classmates, “Smothering” Bankers?
By Bess LevinAccording to this email, yes. Seems that the future business leaders of the world are just so excited to show potential employers what they’ve got that they 1) get up into recruiters’ asses more than is socially acceptable and 2) cockblock their friends from doing ths same. The lack of finesse is apparently embarrassing the school and has resulted in a list of rules to live by during networking events, with heavy emphasis on Circle Etiquette.
To: ‘ibc-members@bettyblue.gsb.columbia.edu’
Cc: ibc-board@bettyblue.gsb.columbia.edu
Subject: [IBC] Break-out Sessions with Bankers–PLEASE READ CAREFULLYDear 1st years –
It has come to our attention that some of you have already managed to become notorious for their willingness to elbow their peers out of the circle around senior bankers and virtually attack the bankers with questions, thus preventing other students from networking and participating in the conversation. This is never a good strategy and acting in a socially undesirable way runs a strong risk of branding you as undesirable not just to your classmates but also to recruiters. Once you feel that you have asked a couple of questions, and perhaps received a business card, do not monopolize the banker’s time by standing around awkwardly or asking additional questions. Let your classmates play as well. Furthermore, such behavior shows that you are aggressive and non-collegial, and therefore not a pleasant person to work 100-hour weeks with.
Bankers are very observant people. Moreover, it is much easier to remember somebody with a bad impression than with a good impression – do not smother the bankers with too many questions. Read more »
So! You’re an employee of Goldman Sachs and you want to date, mate or just rub up against one of your colleagues. In the wake of last week’s lawsuit by three woman against the bank, one of whom cited an incident several years back wherein a co-worker gave her an unsolicited groping after a company outing to Scores, there may be some confusion re: what’s consider cool and not cool by management. The great news is that no one at GS is looking to outright playa-hate. According to Heidi Moore, all the higher-ups ask is that you loop them in at the first stirring in your pants so they can evaluate on a case by case basis.
It’s a God that requires frequent confessionals, as one senior banker there explains: “There is a culture at Goldman which is very strong and clear, which is: it’s okay to make mistakes, as long as you own up to them right away.” The firm’s dating protocols—by all accounts little-known—don’t ban dating within the firm but instead require employees to disclose their relationships to their direct manager, who can contact what one alum wryly calls “ the inappropriate-behavior SWAT team.”
Citi Advocates That Female Employees Do Not Sit With Their Legs Crossed But Rather Spread Eagle, With Their Balls Hanging Out
By Bess Levin
At least that seems to be the implication, based on this laminated list of the top things women do to “sabotage their careers,” which is can apparently be found on the desk of every female HR employee at the ‘group. [DX]
Goldman Sachs Forces Employees To Come Up With New And Inventive Ways To Describe Not So Great CDOs Sold To Clients
By Bess Levin
As you may have heard, Goldman Sachs has “banned the use of profanity” in emails. Some are heralding the move as the end of Goldman, where describing the various ways in which clients are screwed (I kid the Sachsians) is part of the daily grind. And at another bank, staffed by unimaginitive fucks* whose lack of creativity is bested only by their mediocre grasp of the English language, this would be a paralyzing edict. At Goldman Sachs, it’s a mere challenge. Read more »
Hedge Fund Manager Steven Bell Unwittingly Gives Ray Dalio A Few Ideas For Updated Version Of “Principles” While Decrying “Megalomaniac’s” Methods
By Bess Levin
Silly little Brit. Read more »
If you feel the need to tell the guy who sits next to you that you’re for real going to fucking kill him, do it in the men’s room. In that same vein, smart aleck comment such as “Oh yeah, I really wanna do you, Vikram,” when what you really mean is “not with Alwaleed’s dick,” should be deployed to his face. Read more »
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