SAC Capital

  • 23 Feb 2011 at 1:29 PM

SAC Capital Houses Records Of Every Exchange Ever Made In A ‘Disaster Recovery’ Center

By

Did someone say field trip? Van leaves tomorrow at noon. Bring your own hard hats. Continue reading »

  • 23 Feb 2011 at 1:05 PM

SAC Capital Investors Don’t Give A Rat’s Ass About This Insider Trading Business

By

As you may have read in the papers, the government is currently hard at work trying to prove that employees of certain hedge funds on Wall Street are guilty of insider trading. A bunch of firms have been raided, some arrests have been made, friendships have been destroyed, and a few shops have been forced to shut their doors. The Feds’ little song and dance, experts have noted, appears to be part of a larger attempt to nail one man in particular. Some of you know him as ‘Steve,’ others as ‘my liege’ and others still as ‘Dad.’ To us, he’s simply ‘The Big Guy.’ Continue reading »

  • 17 Feb 2011 at 9:22 AM

Donald Longueuil And Noah ‘Judas’ Freeman: A Bromance Betrayed

By

As their being charged in the Feds’ massive insider trading case would seem to suggest, former SAC Capital traders Donald Longueuil and Noah Freeman may have had a somewhat elastic view of securities laws. Should the accusations hold up, the two men ought to be punished accordingly. Today though, we’d like to put Freeman on trial for something far worse: his betrayal of the one guy who was always there for him, who literally got Freeman out of bed in his darkest days. A crime within a crime, if you will. Continue reading »

  • 14 Feb 2011 at 11:31 AM

This Is A Story About A Backdoor Strategy For Getting A Job At SAC Capital

By

For many who work or aspire to work on Wall Street, getting a gig with Steve Cohen at SAC is the holy grail, for obvious reasons. Money. Prestige. “Stretching” rooms. An office on the water, perfect for midday contemplation. All the fleece clothes you could ever want. The opportunity to be called “sport” or “champ” or “idiot” by the big guy. And so on and so forth. Having said that, most people probably only know of the standard practices for obtaining employment at SAC. They include connections, applying, impressing representatives of the firm at your college or business school, and things of that nature. Unfortunately, we don’t generally hear about the less orthodox tactics some people have used (other than Gary Busey’s avenue for getting in good). Today James Altucher relates his tale. If you’ve been trying with little success to get your foot or other body part in the door, you’ll want to take notes. Step one: obtain Steve’s screen name. Continue reading »

  • 10 Feb 2011 at 11:02 AM

Ex-SAC Trader Donald Longueuil Will Never Skate On Steve Cohen’s Rink Again

By

YOU BLEW IT! Continue reading »

  • 09 Feb 2011 at 11:43 AM

FBI Finds Weird Way To Kick Alleged Insider Traders When They’re Down

By

Not only are you people possibly going to jail, but the Feds cannot get over how shitty you are at being criminals. There’s no way you guys could’ve ever been in the mob. Continue reading »

  • 08 Feb 2011 at 5:51 PM

If You’ve Ever Wondered What Donald Longueuil Might’ve Sounded Like On The Cold December Night He Told A Colleague How To Destroy Evidence Of Insider Trading, Wonder No Longer (MP3)

By

The fleece of choice for traitorous skanks

Earlier today, we examined the government’s criminal complaint against two former SAC Capital employees, Donald Longueuil and Noah Freeman. Of particular interest was a conversation between the two men that took place on December 20, 2010, in which they met and discussed a recent Wall Street Journal article that detailed the Feds growing case against insider traders. Longueuil, who unfortunately did not know that Freeman was cooperating with the FBI at the time, told his boy he’d destroyed his “log” as well as two external hard drives containing “wafer data.” Freeman, the little minx, inquired as to how that was possible, pressing Longueuil for specifics which Longueuil happily provided. The play-by-play was so riveting, the details so rich (ex: we know two (2) pairs of pliers and a North Face were involved), that we felt like we were there that night. It was the sort of thing that begs for a dramatic reading and we decided we’ll be doing just that (the proceeds of which will go toward a Leave Steve Alone! or Back The Shit Off SAC or We’re Pulling For Ya, Big Guy fund).

While we’re only in the beginning stages of casting ideas (unknowns or established actors? is Longueuil more of a Busey or a Christopher Walken? Does he have a Puerto Rican accent? Should Freeman’s role be performed in black face or in drag? etc), we’ve had an early self-submission for the part of Donald. It comes from reader who’s a portfolio manager by day/aspiring made-for-radio movie star by night/lunch that writes: “Dear Bess: Attached please find my audition for the role of Donald Longueuil in your upcoming dramatic reading. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to contact me.”

The clip is ready for your review below. Please note he went off script with an extra “fuckin” before “North Face,” preferring it to the pause in the report. Actors. Continue reading »