On October 6, Sallie Krawcheck appeared on CNBC to say that she is “very much focused” on her job running Bank of America’s wealth management unit. According to the Post, this SKraw’s way of “going public with her ambitions to run the bank.” A couple days later, the paper claimed this (fake) campaign for Lewis’s job somehow “got a big boost,” when shareholder Jonathan Finger stated that the board should pick an outsider to run the bank, despite the fact that The Kraw currently works on the inside. So you see everything was chugging along nicely and girlfriend probably would’ve gotten the gig she was so desperately and publicly begging for and them bam!
Obviously the gut goes with Citi or Bank of America, but no! So this is going to be a tough one. According to the Kraw, who spoke Wednesday night at the Manhattan’s Museum of American Finance, before she took her current gig at as head of wealth management at BAC, she was considering a position at another firm (which she wouldn’t name but described as “troubled”). She was thisclose to signing with them and, truth be told, would’ve never before considered answering to Charlotte. But a series of hints from the universe that included a fractured jaw gave SK a moment’s pause and ultimately drove her into the arms of this guy [motions to Ken Lewis passed out over a toilet seat].
The first was that she overslept the morning of the initial interview, and almost missed her flight. And she’d never overslept in her life! She didn’t have enough time to shower, or even take her PJs off (WTF?) before putting her pantsuit but whatever. SKraw does remember thinking to herself, “this doesn’t feel very good,” but NBD. Water off a duck’s back. The meeting went well, and she scored a follow-up, this time in New York. The next time, things started out more auspiciously.
This was a beautiful spring day. Wearing a new suit and new shoes, she recalled, “I couldn’t have been feeling more pleased with myself.”
So she’s walking, she’s walking, she’s checking out her reflection of the old Bear building, thinking to herself, “Huh, I wonder Jimmy Cayne is up to these days? How weird was it that time he tried to pinch my ass? And what a fine ass it is, amiright? Get a load of that thi–” and BOOM! Girlfriend’s heel gets caught in the crack of a sidewalk and she is down for the count. And I’m not talking a little scrape of the knees fall, I’m talking Sallie Krawcheck, missing a tooth.
Earlier this week, the Post announced Sallie Krawcheck’s intent to be named Bank of America CEO, based on the statement she made to CNBC that she’s “fully engaged” in her gig as head of wealth management. SK has yet to come out and admit “you got me,” and Charlie Gasparino has already thrown in his two cents to say that “this broad” would be a terrible choice for the job, but fuck that noise, the Post is going full speed ahead on this one. Krawcheck wants this thing, bad. You might as well be blind if you can’t see that. Today they claim that the Kraw’s “campaign” for Bank of America’s top job “may have gotten a big boost.”
Doubtful! Oh, but not so, says the the Post, claiming that not only does SK want the job, but that she “went public with her ambitions to run the bank” yesterday on CNBC. Those of you who saw the appearance live might be wondering when exactly Krawcheck revealed her plot to take over Bank of America. Were you in the bathroom at the time? Was the TV on mute? Were you momentarily distracted by Caruso and Cabrera? Apparently, according to the paper, it was when the Kraw made the statement that she’s “very much focused” on what she’s doing running BofA’s wealth-management unit. If that doesn’t say “Krawcheck for CEO 2010,” the Post don’t know what does. Confused? Let us assist you in following the giant leaps in logic.