U.S. District Judge Colleen McMahon hasn’t been especially sympathetic towards the plight of Bayou Group fraudster Samuel Israel, what with the $450 million he stole and all of the whining and conspiracies and endless bids to postpone his sentencing and accusations of bias against her and bail-jumping and faked suicides and weeks on the run and whatnot. And she remains unmoved at his recent “near-death experience” at the hands of the medical staff at the Bernard Madoff federal prison and their refusal to give the drug addict the drugs he wants—even after he ate one of his pain patches in “an isolated act of desperation.” It seems it was all part of McMahon’s plan. Read more »
Harlequin Romance Novels
Woman Who Helped Sam Israel III Fake His Own Death Still Has Only Nice Things To Say About His Passion In The Sack, Department StoresBy Bess Levin
Remember Debra Ryan? For those who need a refresher, she was the woman behind the man that was Sam Israel III, the hedge fund manager who, with the help of DR, faked his own death in 2008 to avoid the prison time that was coming his way as a result of scamming investors in the Bayou Group out of $450 million. Several months after Israel was caught, Ryan penned an article for Marie Claire, explaining that she’d gone to great, illegal lengths to help him stay out of the big house because of the “blazing sex life” they had, which she wasn’t prepared to give up to the penitentiary system. Though she was still clearly not ready to move on (“I should just see it at face value and say he [screwed] me,” she noted. “But I can’t let go”) one would have thought that time and the three years probation Ryan was sentenced to would have helped her get over the guy who used to sneak up on her “while wearing glasses on his penis.” Apparently, though, such is not the case, as evidenced by Debra’s contribution to a new book about Israel by Guy Lawson called Octopus, in which we learn that she continues to carry a torch for Israel that burns nearly hot as the fire in both their loins. Read more »
Look Into My Eyes
Hedge Fund Manager Who Faked His Own Death Has A Few Theories About Other Famous Murders, Real And ImaginaryBy Bess Levin
Remember Samuel Israel III? For those with short memories, SI3 is a former hedge fund manager who faked his own death in June 2008 with the help of his girlfriend, Debra Ryan, who later wrote an article explaining her actions by noting that she and Israel had “a blazing sex life” that was hard to walk away from (Ryan shared colorful anecdotes that included all the times Israel would “[jokingly] sneak up on her, once while wearing sunglasses on his penis”). For Israel’s part, he had pretended to kill himself, incorporating a line from M*A*S*H into his fake suicide note, in an attempt to avoid the prison stay that was coming his way, on account of having taken Bayou Group investors for more than $450 million. At the time, he became something of a minor celebrity, whose business card, prominently featuring an egret, was auctioned off on eBay but since ultimately being sentenced to twenty years behind bars we’d heard nary a peep from the guy. Luckily, Andrew Ross Sorkin recently flew down to Butner, North Carolina for a little chat and it’s a good thing he did because Israel had a lot he wanted to get off his chest.
After offering ARS an “orange Life Saver,” discussing his own version of a playoffs beard (“Mr. Israel…was wearing a tan prison uniform with his hair grown out, a mass of silver and brown curls sprouting from the sides of his bald head. ‘I’m never going to cut it until I get out,’ he exclaimed”), and talking Ponzi schemes, SI3 got down to the real matter at hand. Read more »
Bloomberg reports that the 2001 Mercedes-Benz E320 previously owned by the king of the prison yard will be auctioned off October 23 along with a bunch of other vehicles seized by the U.S. Marshals Service. The suggested retail value is $13,727 to $19,530 and according to Tim Minoughan, the guy running this thing, the ride won’t go for much more than that, cause it’s not “a Bentley or a Rolls Royce or something really high valued.” Also? Because car itself isn’t really tainted by the scam which is what would up the re-sale value. Bernie wasn’t screwing investors in the back seat (I think we’re in post-Sheryl Weinstein years here), so really all you’re getting is the car Ruth used out in Montauk. Which leads us to the item you will want to throw down a significant portion of your bonus on:
Holy fucking hell I can barely type this as I am shaking in excitement and definitely suffering from a decrease in oxygen to the brain as a result of hyperventilating-inducing euphoria. Tonight, at 10 PM, Dateline will be airing “The Mystery of the Missing Millionaire,” a special about SAM ISRAEL! I’m truly beside myself. As it would be a fool’s mission to try and not get our hopes up, we expect tonight’s show to include the following:
– B-roll of the egret and interviewer walking down the street
– An interview with a sex therapist who specializes in interspecies intercourse
– A Dealbreaker shout-out!
– An interview with the trollop who outbid us for the b-card.
– An eyewitness account of the industry’s biggest M*A*S*H fan escaping the second time around.
– YOUR CALL
HOPEFULLY UNRELATED: Not Enough Cock, Coke or Money: The Few Things That Didn’t Suck about CNBC’s Seth Tobias Special
An all-new Dateline Friday 10 p.m./9 C [MSNBC]
Listen, I know Federal District Court Judge Kenneth Karas *had* to inquire as to whether or not Sam Israel was sane enough to enter into a guilty plea for bail jumping in June because he didn’t want to go to prison but come on, buddy. WAKE UP. You are getting played by a man who fucks egrets.* Hasn’t EB already proved himself to be someone who can’t be trusted to tell the truth? Or is the whole, defrauding of clients, faking his own suicide stuff water under the bridge?
Karas asked Israel yesterday to rank his clear-mindedness on a scale of 1 to 100 (which, since we’re nitpicking the legal system, also seems ridiculous. Should be a yes or no question. Are you crazy? Yes or no. None of this on a scale of bat-shit insane to completely lucid, where do you stand business, because where do you draw the line? Can you send someone to jail who’s “Not nuts but definitely cripplingly neurotic”? Do you put your foot down at “I’ve had many a sleepless night trying to figure out who was behind the premeditated destruction of Corey Haim’s career”?). Israel thought about it for a few seconds and answered, “About 70 percent,” to which Karas responded, “Seventy percent is not a number that makes me feel comfortable” and delayed the hearing to September 16, giving Egret Boy exactly what he wanted–yet another chance to escape, and, should he screw that up again, ample time to research whether or not conjugal visits necessarily have to be human on human.
Judge Delays Hearing for Fund Manager Who Fled [AP]