Samuel Israel III

  • 16 Jul 2008 at 11:22 AM

Samuel Israel: *Victim* Of Fraud

This is fantastically rich(er than the now destitute Bayou Group investors Sam Israel screwed back in the day): in 2004, desperate to raise money to save his fund, the industry’s biggest M*A*S*H fan turned to a man named Robert Booth Nichols for help in the dollars and cents department, and was himself conned out of $10 million.
According to Bloomberg, Nichols cheated Israel in a “prime bank” fraud, promising Egret Boy “quick riches in secret markets” that did not in fact exist. Now a not yet on the lam Nichols is being sued. The original Con Man, who denies any wrongdoing, claims that he was helping Israel invest in a “legitimate, though unspecified ‘project’ involving U.S. government obligations,” and had “no reason to believe Israel was engaging in fraud.”
Not saying Nichols isn’t full of shit but, as you may recall, Sam Israel is said to have believed in time travel, and before the hours got crazy over at his Ponzi-scheme, spent nights and weekends building a Delorean in his basement, which he at one point claimed to have been working on for the government. Oh, and Nichols also says that his services, which “involved matters of national interest,” had been given the okay John P. Ellis, “a first cousin of President Bush.”
So anyway…if your brain hasn’t yet exploded, take some time this afternoon to try and dig up Nichols’s business card. It has got to be as least as valuable as Israel’s, and if the stories that Con Man #1 liked to get even friskier when it came to a love of plumage that dared not speak its name and their subsequent renderings on his b-card than #2, perhaps more so.
Bayou’s Israel Was Cheated in Scam, Investigator Says [Bloomberg]

  • 03 Jul 2008 at 9:48 AM

Caption Contest Thursday

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He grew the beard for the egret and the verdict? The egret likes. [NYT]

  • 02 Jul 2008 at 1:14 PM

Caption Contest Wednesday

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  • 18 Jun 2008 at 10:15 AM

He Could Be ANYWHERE

It’s going to be a great day and let me tell you why: Page Six reports that not-dead former hedge fund manager Samuel Israel believed in time travel and before the hours got crazy over at his Ponzi-scheme, spent nights and weekends building his very own Delorean. According to a trader who worked with Israel in the mid-90’s, Sammy-boy “brought two of my friends from Wall Street into his basement and showed them the contraption [which he said he working on for the government].” We’re not even going to run a poll asking you to pinpoint exactly where the industry’s biggest M*A*S*H fan shipped off to, because it’s patently obvious. A time and place where the interspecies love between a man and an egret is accepted.
Fled To Past [NYP]

  • 17 Jun 2008 at 2:28 PM

Help Us Solve The Case

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The U.S. Marshals Service is still hot on the trail of Sam Israel III, the convicted former hedge fund manger who no one believes committed suicide. A wanted poster from last week noted that the industry’s biggest M*A*S*H fan has two tattoos, one on his left arm and one on his hip. Today brings word that the arm ink is that of a bird, though it doesn’t say what kind. Those of you on (fake) suicide watch, however, will recall that Israel’s business card also had a bird on it. Not being ordained ornithologists ourselves, at the time, we guessed it was a pelican. Oh how wrong we were. Luckily, one of you dabbles in bird porn and did not give us a free pass. To the guy who dressed me down with the comment, “egret [bitch]…it’s an egret…[get it fucking right, you stupid whore],” please come forward and dazzle us with further displays of your intellectual plumage. Completely sincerely: you are (intentionally or unintentionally) the funniest person on this thing. I just wanted to tell you that. Moving on.
Putting two and two together, we feel confident the bird tattoo on Israel’s arm is that of an e to the gret, which he clearly fetishizes. But what in god’s name is the tattoo on his hip? What is so deviant that it needs to be concealed from the public? We have some good leads, but we and the U.S. Marshals would like your input. So:

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The U.S. Marshals Service told Bloomberg this afternoon that re: convicted hedge fund manager Sam Israel, “suicide has been ruled out,” and that the industry’s biggest M*A*S*H fan has been declared a fugitive. A spokeswoman for Manhattan U.S. Attorney Michael Garcia declined to comment on why Israel’s status had been changed, though clearly it was because everyone’s finally come around to accept the fact that Israel’s “suicide note” was not the work of a man desperate enough to off himself, but one who’d been trawling IMDB for week to find the perfect (ly transparent) “sign off.” Obviously, this has done wonders for the potential riches of the individual auctioning Israel’s business card on eBay, which is now up to $41 from Friday’s $6.
Earlier: Here’s A Tip-Off You Maybe Shouldn’t Give This Fund Your Money: AOL Address
U.S. Dismisses Israel Suicide; Calls Him a Fugitive [Bloomberg]

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We spoke with the U.S. Marshall’s office earlier and, sadly, at this time, they’ve yet to put a bounty on Samuel Israel III’s head, but at least one enterprising vulture stands to make some dosh off of the hedge fund industry’s biggest M*A*S*H fan. An unidentified seller from Islip, New York has put what he claims is an authentic Israel business card on eBay. The current bid is up to $6.00, and the auction ends June 19. In our professional opinion, the card looks pretty legit, though also extremely easy to fake, provided you’ve got some pelicans in your clip art file. As luck would have it, we do, and will be printing up dozens of these bad boys in an attempt to defraud anyone looking to bid on a little piece of history. Just like Sam would’ve wanted it.
Bayou Fund Sam Israel III Business Card [eBay]
Missing hedge fund manager’s card for sale on eBay [Stamford Advocate]