Hours upon hours of (not) studying for the CFA. Months spent texting with Bloomberg. 53 mock interviews with Goldman Sachs. It’s all come together. For this moment.
Earlier: The Fruits Of Shia LaBeouf’s Labor
So I don’t normally feel the need to highlight the sections in my posts where I’m very clearly joking but since it seems that one in particular has been difficult for the naked eye to detect…
So I was getting a haircut after lunch today (York Barbershop, 71st and Lex), and Oliver Stone & co. walked in to inspect the place. According to my barber, they’re shooting MNS there, presumably all day, on Tuesday and Wednesday of next week. However, I overheard murmurs that it might be too cramped, in which case the Waldorf barbershop would be a contender. No word on how this affects Shia’s helmet hair.
In case there was any doubt as to whether or not Shia LaBeouf is a big boy trader now, the Money Never Sleeps star has confirmed that he is indeed the market moving BSD you imagined. Also, he apparently knows “everything” there is to know about this shit, so if anyone’s looking for a little guidance, be it hot insider trading tips or which type of estrogen pills will get your tits looking just right, feel free to give him a buzz. (Once he passes the Level 1 CFA exam in December, which our sources at the institute tell us he’s hard at working studying for, it won’t even be fair. Potential investors: act quickly and he’ll trim his fees for the first $2bn in AUM with an 8-year lockup.)
The actor…says he knew nothing about the financial world when he was first cast by Oliver Stone, so he walked into a brokerage firm and asked for help — and soon got so hooked, it has become the biggest part of his life.
The actor says he used $20,000 to study the markets. “As of this morning, that’s $297,000,” he said.
“I manage my own portfolio. I check through the day, read the daily Wall Street Journal, trade personally on my cellphone, text people throughout the day, carry my laptop on the set, have Bloomberg on speed-dial. I now have lots of friends in lots of places.”
For those of you worrying the Money Never Sleeps actor would just be spouting lines about the market without the faintest clue as to what he was talking about, fear not. According to director Oliver Stone, ShiLa really gets this stuff. Sayeth Stone:
“[I'm in the market]…but I don’t play it like the [pros]. Or like Shia. As a result of this movie, Shia’s really learned. He’s into it. He trades daily. He and Josh discuss the market between takes.”
Subject: Shia LaBeouf
Most unhappy with Mr. LaBeouf yesterday. He was filming in front of a co-op at 66th and Park. My daughter is ten and between takes the crew was nice enough to let her get close to him. He was sitting in a red Prius looking very very nervous about his next scene which was difficult- sitting in the passenger seat of a car as it drove up to the co-op. Anyway, we got about 10 feet from him, my daughter waved, smiled and he just sat there completely mortified to realize his fan base is a bunch of tweens. I actually think I saw him sweating, the little runt. How can this teenage guy (who weighs 95 pounds) represent Wall Street?! Very puzzling casting decision.
To: RBC Employees
Subject: Staff Opportunity to be an Extra in Wall Street 2 – Filmed on our 8th Floor at WFC
The sequel to Oliver Stone’s Wall Street will be filming several scenes on our WFC trading floor in early November (tentative the weekend of November 1st). As part of the arrangement our staff have been invited to participate as extras in the upcoming Wall Street 2. The casting director will be here tomorrow, Thursday at 4pm in conference room 8D. Staff interested in participating will fill out a short form and have their picture taken. They are looking for 80 people, men & women, all ethnicities.
Please see attached informational flyer for more details.
According to on-set sources, Shia LaBeouf has been shadowing real traders and trying his hand at the stock exchange and winning huge sums. An insider tells Star magazine, “He’s been learning the ins and outs of the market. Shia says that he’s made more than $50,000 already.”