• Jim Cramer

    News Investor Thinks Jim Cramer’s Last Dying Thoughts Will Concern TST’s Stock Price

    From May 1999 to December 2013, you have extracted more than $14 million in cash payouts from TST, excluding millions more paid out as stock options. In addition, you have enjoyed considerable non-pecuniary compensation such as perfumed sedan driver(s) and assorted assistants who spray ionized lavender water on your barren cranium. Despite the long decline […]

    / Dec 3, 2014 at 4:12 PM
  • Banks

    Deutsche Bank, Suspended Traders Are Friends Again

    When a German judge tells you in clipped tones that you do not want her weighing in on the matter of (a) your suspension for (allegedly!) trying to manipulate interest rates or (b) your suspending said alleged manipulators without actually following any of the (probably thousands of) rules in Germany regarding such, you listen. Deutsche […]

    / Oct 30, 2014 at 4:30 PM
  • peter thiel


    Peter Thiel Having Trouble Forming An Opinion On Twitter

    Just kidding, he actually thinks the entire operation is a joke and went on CNBC to say as much, where he noted that the only conceivable way he could see the company turning things around would be if literally everyone working for it was fired.

    / Sep 17, 2014 at 3:05 PM
  • breadsticks


    Hedge Fund To Olive Garden: You Wanna Make Some Real Money? Cut The Breadstick Bull Sh*t

    Failure to “adhere to a clear breadstick policy” is one of the many, many things Olive Garden is doing wrong, according to a new presentation by Starboard Value.

    / Sep 12, 2014 at 5:13 PM
  • bill-gross-of-pimco-005


    In Rival Exec’s Professional Opinion, The Time Has Come For Bill “American Thoroughbred” Gross To Be Sent To The Glue Factory

    As those of you who follow the news out of Newport Beach, California know, the past couple months have not been the best for Bill Gross. First, Pimco co-CEO Mohammed El-Erian announced that he would be parting ways with the bond giant. Then, the Wall Street Journal detailed his “What the fuck are you looking […]

    / Mar 24, 2014 at 3:14 PM
  • jamiecasino


    An Important Message You May Have Missed If You Weren’t In Savannah, GA During The Super Bowl

    Have you been indicted for insider trading? Forced to work your protected weekend? Been fired for being too good looking? Don’t waste your time with some fancy white shoe law firm representation. Instead, do yourself a favor and give this guy a call.

    / Feb 3, 2014 at 4:19 PM
  • charlie_gasparino


    Charlie Gasparino Has An Idea

    As the world’s foremost business and economics reporter, everyone expects Gasparino to attend the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland. The only problem is, he doesn’t like Swiss food, he doesn’t speak German, and, most importantly, skiing is no substitute for brutalizing ones’ pecs in the weight room. For these reasons, CG is a no […]

    / Dec 3, 2013 at 4:01 PM
  • News

    Bank Of England Committee Member Proposes Deferring Decades For A Decade

    Bankers’ bonuses should be deferred for as long as 10 years to hold executives accountable for risks, said Robert Jenkins, a member of a Bank of England committee charged with ensuring financial stability. “Five years might or might not be appropriate for some categories of risk, but if we are going to rely on remuneration […]

    / Feb 8, 2013 at 4:52 PM
  • 2008_ford_econoline-cargo_cargo-van_e-250_fq_oem_1_500


    Harvard Business School Alum Has A 4-Point Plan For Fixing The Election Process In The United States

    On November 6, 2012, as the results of the presidential election rolled in, a member of the Harvard Business School Class of 2010 considered ending it all. “The thought crossed my mind to jump off my penthouse apartment balcony,” he wrote his fellow classmates yesterday. Sure, he had a lot to live for: friends, family, the earthly delights afforded to him by living in Southern California (“surfing, mountains, 78 degree sunshine, and hot babes everywhere”), as well as a new company and all that came with it (relationships with celebrities that straddle the line between “friend and service provider,” as well as invites to “the VMAs and private concerts in Vegas”). But he also had a lot of reasons to be good and angry at the world, including but not limited to: the state of California being “filled with so many hippie liberals” he just might snap and in doing so “choke out a street bum,” people who “sit around with their hand out and expect to be fed,” and, most vexingly, the reelection of Barack Obama.

    And while he did not in fact end up leaping from his penthouse balcony apartment that night, make no mistake, he was and is exceedingly pissed about the direction this country is going, which is south on the Pacific Coast Highway right straight to hell. And whereas the endless stream of bums and hobos and hippies he encounters each and every day the second he steps out of his penthouse apartment probably would take the easy way out, because that’s what they do, he’s better than that. So instead, he went to bed, got up, sat down at his computer and channeled his anger into something productive: a list of suggestions for how we can get America back on track and in four years, rest it from the hands of the commie holding it hostage, like forcing candidates to use bullet points and telling people who don’t believe in capitalism to pack their shit because in 20 minutes a van is coming to ship their non-contributing zero asses off to a country where it’s not actually a “privilege” to live.

    First, though, some life updates, because it really has been too long.

    / Nov 27, 2012 at 10:53 AM
  • News

    Have We Identified The Next Food Eating Challenge?

    The Montana State Society’s Testicle Festival in Virginia Square was a rousing success this year. Festival-goers consumed 110 pounds of bull and bison testicles, 84 liters of Crown Royal and 1,500 cans of beer this year, according to event organizer and Society president Jed Link. All three were records for the event, now in its eighth […]

    / May 21, 2012 at 6:22 PM
  • News

    Michael Lewis Would Like To See Occupy Wall Street Start A Run On Some Banks

    …if I were in charge I would probably reorganize the movement around a single, achievable goal: a financial boycott of the six “ too big to fail ” Wall Street firms: Bank of America, Citigroup, JPMorgan Chase, Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, Wells Fargo. We would encourage people who had deposits in these firms to withdraw […]

    / Apr 18, 2012 at 11:55 AM
  • News

    Jim Rogers Suggests Giving Up Finance For Farming

    While there are many people who work on Wall Street for reasons that have nothing to do with money (trading gives them a thrill, they enjoy analyzing companies, they love the hours, it’s what they believe they were put on this earth to do, etc), there exists at least a handful of individuals who got […]

    / Jul 6, 2011 at 11:16 AM
  • News

    SAC Capital Legal Team Would Prefer It If Employees Kept Conversations Off The Grid

    People familiar with the firm say SAC Capital’s legal team actively discourages traders and analysts from using email, instant messages and other forms of communication that can leave a paper trail. The lack of email documentation at SAC Capital is something that has frustrated litigants over the years, according to people who have been involved […]

    / Feb 23, 2011 at 2:00 PM
  • News

    Confidential To CNBC: You Need More Ken Langone

    From the random walking on set, the declaration of love for Lloyd Blankfein, the lack of an indoor voice, the accusation that David Faber dyes his hair and later, the shoulder squeezes and kisses on the head, KL’s got regular contributor material written all over him. Just something to think about.

    / Dec 13, 2010 at 12:23 PM
  • News

    JPMorgan Investigated For ABACUS-Like Deal So Far Lacking Similar Intrigue

    ProPublica reports that JPMorgan is being investigated by the SEC to determine whether or not the bank adequately disclosed to investors that the securities that went into a CDO were selected by hedge fund Magnetar Capital, which was betting against the deal (JPMorgan apparently lost approximately $880 million on the deal and what’s more). Two […]

    / Nov 1, 2010 at 4:53 PM
  • News

    John Paulson Has Exciting News For His Relatives, Long-Lost And Otherwise

    Who wants a nice ski lodge? Anybody interested in a place on the beach? Today’s your lucky day.

    / Sep 28, 2010 at 3:58 PM
  • News

    Attention Macquarie Employees: Get Your Tit Fix Here

    Back in February, Macquarie employee David Kiely got in a little hot water with his employer for looking at some topless shots of Miranda Kerr on his computer. It should’ve been no big deal but unfortunately his floor was being filmed on live TV at the time and as the Aussies couldn’t be perceived as […]

    / Aug 19, 2010 at 3:45 PM
  • News

    Headed To Colombia Any Time Soon?

    If so, might we suggest you tell whoever makes your travel arrangements to book you a flight on Colombia’s Aires airline, whose planes are protected by some sort of force field that allows them to struck by lightening, break into three pieces and only have one person (out of 131) die (and not as a […]

    / Aug 16, 2010 at 2:46 PM
  • News

    Money And Votes, Checks And Balances

    The following post is by Dealbreaker reader and commenter Infinite Guest. When Congressman Barney Frank said “money is influential, but votes will kick money’s ass any time they come up against each other,” he wasn’t referring to votes on the floor of the House and Senate, nor to the money our elected officials are paid, […]

    / Aug 9, 2010 at 12:45 PM
  • News

    A Suggestion For Anyone Looking To Recognize Vikram Pandit For Doing Okay To Fairly Decent Job With Citi

    Running Citi for the last two and half years has been, let’s just call it, something of a thankless job for Vikram Pandit. He’s been cut down by fellow CEO’s, on several occasions one analyst in particular has left him bound and gagged on the floor of his office, and the board shit all over […]

    / Jul 12, 2010 at 2:45 PM
  • News

    Will Having One Designated Naked Day At The Office Help Productivity?

    One expert who’s consulted for HSBC and IBM feels day sans clothes is the way to go, noting that “if you get such a huge fear/inhibition out of the way, it will make your team stronger. More open. More honest.” And when one firm in London actually gave it a test drive last year, the […]

    / May 21, 2010 at 2:11 PM
  • News

    Maria Bartiromo Needs A New Nickname

    Just a little FYI for those of you not in the know re: Maria Bartiromo’s likes and dislikes: the CNBC anchor does not like the Money Honey moniker. Why? Because she’s a serious business journalist and it demeans her work.

    / Mar 29, 2010 at 9:45 AM
  • News

    Goldman Sachs Has Heard What Shareholders Have To Say

    And while the suggestion that there be a say on Lloyd et al’s pay is adorable– really, so cute– management has decided that, instead of going with it, to keep things as they are. And while this exercise in pretending to care about your feelings was fun for just this once, next time you get […]

    / Mar 1, 2010 at 3:01 PM
  • News

    Guess What Ben Bernanke’s Doing In A Few Weeks?

    What he does basically every other day of his life– testifying about what he’s been up to. the House Financial Services Committee on Feb. 24. At this point, the whole thing looks like a creepy version of Groundhog Day, as it seems to be all the Federal Reserve chairman ever does. And we’re starting to […]

    / Feb 18, 2010 at 10:57 AM
  • News

    Undercover Brother: Will Vikram Take Up The Challenge?

    On the popularity Undercover Boss, wherein CEO’s of various companies “slip into the ranks” of their company alongside entry level employees to get a little taste of how the other half of their firm lives, Vikram Pandit has been nominated to appear on an episode of the show. Obviously, seeing Pandito pose as a first […]

    / Feb 16, 2010 at 12:02 PM

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