suggestions

As those of you who follow the news out of Newport Beach, California know, the past couple months have not been the best for Bill Gross. First, Pimco co-CEO Mohammed El-Erian announced that he would be parting ways with the bond giant. Then, the Wall Street Journal detailed his “What the fuck are you looking at” management style, in an article that also revealed Gross’s nickname for himself: Secretariat. Next, Reuters refused to print his theory that El-Erian had penned the Journal story himself, and instead made him not look great by quoting him as saying that El-Erian was waging a campaign to undermine him and that ME-E had Reuterswrapped around his charming right finger.” Along the way, people have offered up suggestions re: how you solve a problem like Bill Gross, which have included not investing with him, slashing his $200 million/year salary, teaching him remedial strategies for acting like a sentient human being who would not admonish someone for daring to look him in the eye and, most recently, putting him out to pasture. Read more »


Have you been indicted for insider trading? Forced to work your protected weekend? Been fired for being too good looking? Don’t waste your time with some fancy white shoe law firm representation. Instead, do yourself a favor and give this guy a call. Read more »

  • 03 Dec 2013 at 4:01 PM

Charlie Gasparino Has An Idea

As the world’s foremost business and economics reporter, everyone expects Gasparino to attend the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland. The only problem is, he doesn’t like Swiss food, he doesn’t speak German, and, most importantly, skiing is no substitute for brutalizing ones’ pecs in the weight room. For these reasons, CG is a no go. Now, if you’d host the WEF in a more congenial location–a cigar bar, perhaps, or at a boxing match–you might pique his interest. Hold it at a classy Italian restaurant on East 54th Street and, well, let’s just say you can pencil him in. Read more »

On November 6, 2012, as the results of the presidential election rolled in, a member of the Harvard Business School Class of 2010 considered ending it all. “The thought crossed my mind to jump off my penthouse apartment balcony,” he wrote his fellow classmates yesterday. Sure, he had a lot to live for: friends, family, the earthly delights afforded to him by living in Southern California (“surfing, mountains, 78 degree sunshine, and hot babes everywhere”), as well as a new company and all that came with it (relationships with celebrities that straddle the line between “friend and service provider,” as well as invites to “the VMAs and private concerts in Vegas”). But he also had a lot of reasons to be good and angry at the world, including but not limited to: the state of California being “filled with so many hippie liberals” he just might snap and in doing so “choke out a street bum,” people who “sit around with their hand out and expect to be fed,” and, most vexingly, the reelection of Barack Obama.

And while he did not in fact end up leaping from his penthouse balcony apartment that night, make no mistake, he was and is exceedingly pissed about the direction this country is going, which is due south on the Pacific Coast Highway right straight to hell. So instead, he went to bed, got up, sat down at his computer and channeled his anger into something productive: a list of suggestions for how we can get America back on track and in four years, wrest it from the hands of the people holding it hostage, like forcing candidates to use bullet points and telling the commies who don’t believe in capitalism to pack their shit because in 20 minutes they’re going to be blindfolded and stuffed into the back of a Ford Econoline van with all the other non-contributing zeroes who don’t understand how much of a privilege it is to live in the greatest country in the world and shipped off to a place where their views will be tolerated, only then finding out what it’s really like to suffer and perhaps finally understand how they’ve destroyed the United States of America with their leftist, hippie, commie/socialist/teat sucking agendas.

First, though, some life updates, because it really has been too long. Read more »

  • 21 May 2012 at 6:22 PM

Have We Identified The Next Food Eating Challenge?

The Montana State Society’s Testicle Festival in Virginia Square was a rousing success this year. Festival-goers consumed 110 pounds of bull and bison testicles, 84 liters of Crown Royal and 1,500 cans of beer this year, according to event organizer and Society president Jed Link. All three were records for the event, now in its eighth year. Organizers estimate that nearly 600 people attended the Testicle Festival, which was held at the American Legion post at 3445 Washington Boulevard. Even though the event didn’t start until 6:00 on Saturday evening, Link said a line started to form at 4:30 p.m. [ARL]

…if I were in charge I would probably reorganize the movement around a single, achievable goal: a financial boycott of the six “ too big to fail ” Wall Street firms: Bank of America, Citigroup, JPMorgan Chase, Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, Wells Fargo. We would encourage people who had deposits in these firms to withdraw them, and put them in smaller, not “too big to fail” banks. We would stigmatize anyone who invested, in any way, in any of these banks. I’d try to organize college students to protest on campuses. Their first goal would be to force the university endowments to divest themselves of shares in these banks…I think we could create a run on a bank. [TDB]