On November 6, 2012, as the results of the presidential election rolled in, a member of the Harvard Business School Class of 2010 considered ending it all. “The thought crossed my mind to jump off my penthouse apartment balcony,” he wrote his fellow classmates yesterday. Sure, he had a lot to live for: friends, family, the earthly delights afforded to him by living in Southern California (“surfing, mountains, 78 degree sunshine, and hot babes everywhere”), as well as a new company and all that came with it (relationships with celebrities that straddle the line between “friend and service provider,” as well as invites to “the VMAs and private concerts in Vegas”). But he also had a lot of reasons to be good and angry at the world, including but not limited to: the state of California being “filled with so many hippie liberals” he just might snap and in doing so “choke out a street bum,” people who “sit around with their hand out and expect to be fed,” and, most vexingly, the reelection of Barack Obama.
And while he did not in fact end up leaping from his penthouse balcony apartment that night, make no mistake, he was and is exceedingly pissed about the direction this country is going, which is due south on the Pacific Coast Highway right straight to hell. So instead, he went to bed, got up, sat down at his computer and channeled his anger into something productive: a list of suggestions for how we can get America back on track and in four years, wrest it from the hands of the people holding it hostage, like forcing candidates to use bullet points and telling the commies who don’t believe in capitalism to pack their shit because in 20 minutes they’re going to be blindfolded and stuffed into the back of a Ford Econoline van with all the other non-contributing zeroes who don’t understand how much of a privilege it is to live in the greatest country in the world and shipped off to a place where their views will be tolerated, only then finding out what it’s really like to suffer and perhaps finally understand how they’ve destroyed the United States of America with their leftist, hippie, commie/socialist/teat sucking agendas.
First, though, some life updates, because it really has been too long. Read more »
The Montana State Society’s Testicle Festival in Virginia Square was a rousing success this year. Festival-goers consumed 110 pounds of bull and bison testicles, 84 liters of Crown Royal and 1,500 cans of beer this year, according to event organizer and Society president Jed Link. All three were records for the event, now in its eighth year. Organizers estimate that nearly 600 people attended the Testicle Festival, which was held at the American Legion post at 3445 Washington Boulevard. Even though the event didn’t start until 6:00 on Saturday evening, Link said a line started to form at 4:30 p.m. [ARL]
…if I were in charge I would probably reorganize the movement around a single, achievable goal: a financial boycott of the six “ too big to fail ” Wall Street firms: Bank of America, Citigroup, JPMorgan Chase, Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, Wells Fargo. We would encourage people who had deposits in these firms to withdraw them, and put them in smaller, not “too big to fail” banks. We would stigmatize anyone who invested, in any way, in any of these banks. I’d try to organize college students to protest on campuses. Their first goal would be to force the university endowments to divest themselves of shares in these banks…I think we could create a run on a bank. [TDB]
While there are many people who work on Wall Street for reasons that have nothing to do with money (trading gives them a thrill, they enjoy analyzing companies, they love the hours, it’s what they believe they were put on this earth to do, etc), there exists at least a handful of individuals who got into this whole thing for one reason and one reason only: the cash. To those people and more, investor Jim Rogers has some advice: become a farmer. Perhaps you’re a first, second or third year investment banking analyst whose timing (re: when you graduated college but also dating back to when you were conceived) could not have been worse, for whom the year 2006 and the associated bonuses are but a dream. Perhaps you’re a seasoned veteran making great money who’s wanted to try something new but couldn’t think of an industry that could beat your current pay. Perhaps you’re employed by a hedge fund whose performance YTD is not inspiring confidence in this year’s bonus. Perhaps you’re a banker who wants to be compensated in cash and not company stock paid out over 14 years. Doesn’t matter if you’ve never done manual labor in your life, if you don’t know the first thing about milking anything, if you’re emotionally scarred from the one time you rode a tractor. If you wanna make some real money, start working your contacts on the farm. Read more »
People familiar with the firm say SAC Capital’s legal team actively discourages traders and analysts from using email, instant messages and other forms of communication that can leave a paper trail. The lack of email documentation at SAC Capital is something that has frustrated litigants over the years, according to people who have been involved in lawsuits and arbitrations with the fund. [Reuters, earlier]
From the random walking on set, the declaration of love for Lloyd Blankfein, the lack of an indoor voice, the accusation that David Faber dyes his hair and later, the shoulder squeezes and kisses on the head, KL’s got regular contributor material written all over him. Just something to think about. Read more »
ProPublica reports that JPMorgan is being investigated by the SEC to determine whether or not the bank adequately disclosed to investors that the securities that went into a CDO were selected by hedge fund Magnetar Capital, which was betting against the deal (JPMorgan apparently lost approximately $880 million on the deal and what’s more). Two problems seem apparent up front– one, unlike Goldman Sachs, whose CDO had the badass name of ABACUS, JPMorgan’s version is called “Squared.” And two, no one has said anything about the role of a Frenchman who describes himself as “fabulous” and writes gushy emails to his ex-girlfriend on the company dime. That’s not going to bode well for JPMorgan when it comes time for Congress to decide whether or not this thing is worthy of a hearing and/or Senator Carl Levin describing it as “shitty” 700 times on live TV. Given that everything on Wall Street is a competition, and JPMorgan is no poor man’s Goldman, I’m going to go ahead and tip off JD and Co as to the only way they’re going to be able to come out on top of this thing. If this woman’s involvement in the deal comes to light: Read more »