Tests

  • cfa1

    News

    CFA Institute Shatters Fewer Dreams Than Usual In 2014

    To be sure, it shattered a lot of dreams. Dreams whose seeds were planted, for some, as far back as the early nineties, when the Institute was formed. On visits to the hallowed halls of CFA headquarters. In conference rooms, where colleagues discussed the merits of MBA versus CFA. Upon receiving an email from a […]

    / Aug 12, 2014 at 10:54 AM
  • News

    Most Important Weekend Trading System Test Of All Time Goes Off Just Fine

    A future subsidiary of the IntercontinentalExchange is getting pretty confident about not having to pony up $40 million-plus for fucking up a certain highly-anticipated market event.

    / Oct 29, 2013 at 3:13 PM
  • manchesterwhale

    News

    Harrowing Two-Day Interrogation For Would-Be Bank CEO’s Not So Harrowing With DB Test-Prep Guide

    Earlier today we learned that executive search committees tasked with finding people to run banks now look for candidates who possess”self-awareness” and “humility,” in a departure from pre-crisis hiring practices. Also changing is the CEO interview process, which is much more rigorous and places a significant amount of emphasis on one’s ability to deal with […]

    / Aug 13, 2013 at 4:24 PM
  • News

    Carl Icahn Gives Son Four Years To Prove Himself

    Ten years ago, Carl Icahn hired his son Brett to be an analyst at Icahn Enterprises and the kid didn’t fuck anything up so he got to keep his job. Two year ago, Carl gave Brett and another employee, David Schechter, $300 million to invest under the “Sargon portfolio,” and the guys returned 96 percent (before fees) through June. Last month, Carl tossed the duo an additional $3 billion and a contract that expires in 2016, at which time Papa Icahn will either officially Brett a worthy successor or offer to serve as a reference for his next gig.

    Under a 46-page legal agreement filed with federal regulators last month, Brett Icahn and Schechter will get to invest their boss’s capital in companies with stock market values between $750 million and $10 billion. The deal may free the elder Icahn, who still has final say over many aspects of the portfolio, to focus on larger targets for shareholder activism. Brett, who turns 33 this month, along with Schechter has been running $300 million for his father, who owns more than 90 percent of Icahn Enterprises LP, a holding company with $24 billion in assets including activist investing partnerships as well as the Tropicana casinos, an oil refiner and an auto-parts maker. The arrangement expires after Carl turns 80 in 2016, giving Brett the chance to both prove his mettle as a successor and develop a track record to start his own hedge fund.

    After hiring Brett as an investment analyst a decade ago, Icahn allocated the $300 million to his son and Schechter in April 2010 to invest in loans and securities of companies with less than $2 billion in equity value. Their investments, internally dubbed the Sargon portfolio, generated a gross cumulative gain of 96 percent by the end of June, according to a July 27 filing with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission…“These two guys doubled our money over the last two years,” the elder Icahn said in an interview. “You can’t complain about that.”

    Carl Icahn Hands Son Brett $3 Billion To Prove His Mettle [Bloomberg]

    / Aug 14, 2012 at 12:23 PM
  • News

    Let’s Talk About: How Many Of You Are One Step Closer To CFA Camp?

    Thirty-eight percent of Level I takers and forty-two percent of Level II’ers have reason to feel pretty good about your lives this morning.

    Your studying was worth it, your plans are right on track, the promise land is so close you can taste it. The rest of you are likely feeling less good. Your (hours and days and weeks and months) of studying did not end up being worth it, you’re right back where you started, and the path to the quote ultimate honor unquote–the land of milk and honey and stacks of CFA exams in need of grading, as high as the eye can see– seems littered with insurmountable obstacles. Your family and friends and colleagues told you they never wanted to hear those three little letters in that sequence again but if you need to vent, we’re listening. You’re safe here.

    / Jul 24, 2012 at 10:30 AM
  • Think twice about calling in "sick"

    Bridgewater Associates Suggests Fate Worse Than Firing In Store For Hyenas Caught Cheating On Day-Long Principles Exam

    A couple weeks back, we noted that Bridgewater Associates had informed employees that they would be required to sit for an exam on the contents of Principles, a 123 page company handbook of sorts, written by founder Ray Dalio and comprised of hundreds of “principles” that guide every aspect of life at the firm. Though familiarity with them has always been an essential part of the job, there has never been a formal test determining that all employees met the required level of efficiency and some people were said to be a bit nervous about what to expect. Luckily, a group called the Principles Training Team sent out an email yesterday walking everyone through what “Test Day” will entail and it appears there is nothing to worry about. The exam, which will begin at 9AM and end at 5PM with a break for lunch is simply “meant to feel like a day-long conversation on Principles.” That doesn’t sound so bad, right? Sure, parts of that conversation (which will take place between you and your computer), during which you “should have no materials on your desk,” will be graded, but Bridgewater is simply trying to determine “what you know and honestly think about Principles.” Think of this thing as just a coupla wildebeests, havin’ a chat. Of course, as is the case in any animal kingdom, sometimes you’ll find a few wildebeests looking to cut corners via cheat sheets– you don’t want to be those wildebeests, as the PTT will “audit for cheating, and cheating will be dealt with severely.” To that end, don’t be a weasley wildebeest who suddenly comes with a stomach bug on Test Day. The PTT will “keep track of lateness or unexpected absence,” and suggests one might want to “think twice about calling in ‘sick’!”

    Good luck to all!


    *******************************************



    Earlier: A Wildebeest Leaves New York Traveling North At 10 MPH. A Hyena Leaves Westport Traveling South At 15MPH. At What Time Does The Wildebeest Get Eaten?

    / Apr 19, 2012 at 12:47 PM
  • News

    A Wildebeest Leaves New York Traveling North At 10 MPH. A Hyena Leaves Westport Traveling South At 15MPH. At What Time Does The Wildebeest Get Eaten?

    As many of you know, Bridgewater Associates is mega-successful, multi-billion dollar hedge fund guided by Principles, a company handbook written by founder and Mentor Ray Dalio, which instructs employees to go on radical truth seeking missions in order to better themselves and in turn the firm. Bridgewater takes the principles very seriously and each member of the staff is given spiral bound copies to read, highlight, and imbue their souls with. While the idea of Truth above all else is the overarching idea, there are literally hundreds of principles (such as 31a. “Ask yourself whether you have earned the right to have an opinion,” 130. “…Firing people is not a big deal…” and 184. “Use checklists”) which span 123 pages and are broken down into outline form after being explained at length. Though familiarity with them has always been an essential part of the job, there has never been formal test determining that all employees met the required level of efficiency. Until now.

    Apparently the firm has notified employees that there will be an exam on the material, which has resulted in people carrying around their copies and studying whenever they can, particularly on the bus ride from Manhattan to Wesport and back. No date has been announced but it will be administered online à la one of those mandatory HR quizzes that won’t let you skip forward. According to proctors, Bridgewater simply wants to use the test as an opportunity to asses what people know, how they’re interpreting the principles, and what requires further elucidation. It’s unclear what the penalty for failing will be but remedial Principles classes seem obvious. Because we would hate to see any of you have to stay after school, we’ve highlighted what is most likely to be covered– feel free to print these out and add to your study guide.


    *********************************************

    *********************************************

    *********************************************

    *********************************************

    *********************************************

    *********************************************

    *********************************************
    Principles [Bridgewater]

     

    essential

     

     

    (which expects the staff to “probe” each other regularly, no matter one’s rank, in order to foster openness and meritocracy).

    / Apr 4, 2012 at 3:08 PM
  • News

    Let’s Talk About: CFA Level III Results

    Fifty-one percent of Level 3 takers have reason to feel really good right about now: the opportunity to attend CFA Camp is so close you can taste it. For the rest of you, whose state of mind is not helped by the fact that more people passed this year than last and yet the Chartered […]

    / Aug 16, 2011 at 10:17 AM
  • MBAs, News

    Good Luck To All

    It’s CFA time tomorrow and we know everyone taking it is going to do great! And if you don’t, it’s not like this shit matters– just ask any of your MBA friends. Alternatively, think about it this way– becoming a Chartered Financial Analyst will spell the end of your budding pornography career. If you’re truly […]

    / Jun 3, 2011 at 1:03 PM
  • News

    Seven European Banks Get Their Name In Bright Lights

    Anyone can pass the so called stressful test (and 84 banks did) but you know what takes real skill and should be publicly applauded? Failing what’s currently being described as a nice little spa getaway upstate.

    / Jul 23, 2010 at 1:14 PM
  • News

    What’s RIGHT With You?

    We gave you guys some shit for possibly being afflicted with Asperger syndrome, which, as previously stated, there is NOTHING wrong with having. It was merely an observation on our parts that many of you are socially awkward, often fail to demonstrate empathy for your peers, and are prone to restricted patterns of behavior such […]

    / Sep 2, 2008 at 12:15 PM
  • News

    What’s Wrong With You?

    I’m sure it doesn’t come as a shock for me to point out that many of you are socially awkward, often fail to demonstrate empathy for your peers, and are prone to restricted patterns of behavior such as hitting the submit button over and over and over again when trying to comment.* Which is to […]

    / Aug 1, 2008 at 10:43 AM
  • News

    DealBreaker Quiz: Paymasters

    What better way to rub in the sting of tax season than a DealBreaker quiz on the top grossing CEOs for 2007? No, you don’t really hate tests, you just spend too much time reading the comments. Onward! Match the top 6 CEOs with their 2007 pay package (no Google/Journal cheating or Bess won’t love […]

    / Apr 16, 2008 at 11:00 AM

Our Sites

  • Above the Law
  • How Appealing
  • ATL Redline
  • Breaking Defense
  • Breaking Energy
  • Breaking Gov
  • Dealbreaker
  • Fashonista
  •