Ten years ago, Carl Icahn hired his son Brett to be an analyst at Icahn Enterprises and the kid didn’t fuck anything up so he got to keep his job. Two year ago, Carl gave Brett and another employee, David Schechter, $300 million to invest under the “Sargon portfolio,” and the guys returned 96 percent (before fees) through June. Last month, Carl tossed the duo an additional $3 billion and a contract that expires in 2016, at which time Papa Icahn will either officially deem Brett a worthy successor or offer to serve as a reference when he looks for a new job. Read more »
Thirty-eight percent of Level I takers and forty-two percent of Level II’ers have reason to feel pretty good about your lives this morning. Read more »
Think twice about calling in "sick"
Bridgewater Associates Suggests Fate Worse Than Firing In Store For Hyenas Caught Cheating On Day-Long Principles ExamBy Bess Levin
A couple weeks back, we noted that Bridgewater Associates had informed employees that they would be required to sit for an exam on the contents of Principles, a 123 page company handbook of sorts, written by founder Ray Dalio and comprised of hundreds of “principles” that guide every aspect of life at the firm. Though familiarity with them has always been an essential part of the job, there has never been a formal test determining that all employees met the required level of proficiency and some people were said to be a bit nervous about what to expect. Luckily, a group called the Principles Training Team sent out an email yesterday walking everyone through what “Test Day” will entail and it appears there is nothing to worry about. The exam, which will begin at 9AM and end at 5PM with a break for lunch is simply “meant to feel like a day-long conversation on Principles.” That doesn’t sound so bad, right? Sure, parts of that conversation (which will take place between you and your computer), during which you “should have no materials on your desk,” will be graded, but Bridgewater is just trying to determine “what you know and honestly think about Principles.” Think of this thing as just a coupla wildebeests, havin’ a chat. Of course, as is the case in any animal kingdom, sometimes you’ll find a few wildebeests looking to cut corners via cheat sheets– you don’t want to be those wildebeests, as the PTT will “audit for cheating, and cheating will be dealt with severely.” To that end, don’t be a weaselly wildebeest who suddenly comes with a stomach bug on Test Day. The PTT will “keep track of lateness or unexpected absence,” and cautions that one might want to “think twice about calling in ‘sick’!” Read more »
Fifty-one percent of Level 3 takers have reason to feel really good right about now: the opportunity to attend CFA Camp is so close you can taste it. For the rest of you, whose state of mind is not helped by the fact that more people passed this year than last and yet the Chartered Financial Analyst gods chose not to bring you along for the ride, the promise land is still nothing but a dream. And, as long as we’re all being honest here, the last several months (/years) have been a nightmare from which you feel like you might never wake up. Read more »
It’s CFA time tomorrow and we know everyone taking it is going to do great! And if you don’t, it’s not like this shit matters– just ask any of your MBA friends. Alternatively, think about it this way– becoming a Chartered Financial Analyst will spell the end of your budding pornography career. If you’re truly beside yourself with worry, just breathe and remember that as someone very wise once said, it’s about the journey, not the designation. Plus, we’ll be throwing a special pity party for the failures, so there’s that to look forward to. And because I know some of you are sensitive:
We gave you guys some shit for possibly being afflicted with Asperger syndrome, which, as previously stated, there is NOTHING wrong with having. It was merely an observation on our parts that many of you are socially awkward, often fail to demonstrate empathy for your peers, and are prone to restricted patterns of behavior such as hitting the submit button over and over and over again when trying to comment, and that the confluence of those symptoms might lead to a professional diagnosis of the A. But we’ve *also* noticed occasionally flashes of insight around these parts and, very occasionally, brilliance. One might even make the claim that some of you could qualify for MENSA membership. Or could you? Take this quiz and post your results. Knowing the lot of you, we’re going to put the over/under at 5 and take the under. Again, it would be helpful and add a little more color to the situation if you also told us where you’re employed but no pressure on that end.
Earlier: What’s Wrong With You
I’m sure it doesn’t come as a shock for me to point out that many of you are socially awkward, often fail to demonstrate empathy for your peers, and are prone to restricted patterns of behavior such as hitting the submit button over and over and over again when trying to comment.* Which is to say, you likely all have a mild to major form of Asperger syndrome. Or do you? Take this quiz and post your results. It would be helpful and add a little more color to the situation if you also told us where you’re employed but no pressure on that end (I’ll just find out by checking your IP. Kidding?).
*Not a criticism, personally, I like it when you do this.
What better way to rub in the sting of tax season than a DealBreaker quiz on the top grossing CEOs for 2007?
No, you don’t really hate tests, you just spend too much time reading the comments. Onward!
Match the top 6 CEOs with their 2007 pay package (no Google/Journal cheating or Bess won’t love you anymore):
A. Ray R. Irani, Occidental Petroleum Corp.
B. Richard S. Fuld Jr., Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc.
C. John A. Thain, Merrill Lynch & Co.
D. Vikram S. Pandit, Citigroup Inc.
E. Lloyd C. Blankfein, Goldman Sachs Group Inc.
F. Kenneth I. Chenault, American Express Co.
1. $78.52 million.
2. $68.5 million.
3. $60.98 million.
4. $46.23 million.
5. $40 million
6. Top 6? Hah! Not!