thanks for nothing!

Dan Loeb Loses For Winning For Losing

Dan Loeb is probably feeling pretty good about himself right now. He made $700 million last year, a year in which his hedge funds were up 25%. And while his Dow foray hasn’t panned out quite yet, he managed to snag victory—total, unconditional, here’s a $10 million check for your troubles victory—from the jaws of (Delaware Chancery Court) defeat.

So the $5.7 million or so Sotheby’s spent winning that case only to completely capitulate three days later didn’t do it any good. But it certainly looks likely to not be so great for newly-minted Sotheby’s directors and other such activist investors. Read more »

Irving Picard extracted $325 million from JPMorgan Chase at its most vulnerable, but has no intention of sharing any of it with the people who actually made money from Bernie Madoff’s little charade. And, “winners” that they are, those investors won’t be taking “diddly squat” for an answer, at least not from their buddy Irv. Read more »

As the users of Mark Zuckerberg’s poking machine among us can attest, there are many things you can expect from your Facebook friends. You can expect that they’ll keep you abreast of every insignificant moment of their entire lives. You can expect that they’ll post public affirmations about being “stronger than this” following a break-up or a shitty lunch. You can expect that, when taking a trip, they’ll let you know the flight number, when they’re on the way to the airport, going through security, sitting at the gate**, waiting to take off, defying the request to power down their phone, losing said battle, touching down on the runway, waiting for their bags and still thinking about the person across the aisle who gave them a weird vibe. You can expect that they’ll upload countless photos of their trip with at least one set devoted to posing (alone) on the beach like they’re shooting the god damn Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition, having forced their travel companion to play photog. You can expect that they’ll assume you want to be friends with their household pet. You can expect that they’ll ask you to send positive thoughts into the universe when said pet when it comes down with a common cold.

As a card-carrying member of Facebook, UBS trader Kweku Adoboli was aware of the social contract one enters when becoming friends with people on the ‘book and held up his end of the bargain, dutifully ‘liking’ the status messages of friends forced to sit through 30-minute delays at Heathrow and keeping his fingers crossed that Mr. Fluffernutterbigglesworthjosecanseconiner would recover soon. Which is why it must have stung pretty badly when, after all he’s done for his so-called friends, they couldn’t toss him one bone and help him out of a tight spot. Read more »

…than one jolly individual was hoping for. Read more »