that’s gonna leave a mark

  • resort-260x348


    JP Morgan Trader Charged In WhaleGate Might Want To Pack Up His Beach Chair

    When last we checked in with Javier Martin-Artajo, his attorney was telling the press that he was on vacation and had no plans or reason to believe it was necessary to cut said vacation short. Now this is happening:

    / Oct 2, 2013 at 2:08 PM
  • stevecohensaccapital


    Steve Cohen Needs To Go Stress Shopping, STAT

    In objective terms, worse things have happened to Steve Cohen than the news he received today. The charges against Mathew Martoma re: allegedly masterminding the largest insider trading scheme ever during his time at SAC. Friday’s arrest of high-ranking employee Michael Steinberg. The $614 million he needs to personally pony up to settle with the Securities and Exchange Commission (which he may not even be allowed to do without an admission of guilt). The slanderous claim his house clocks in at a mere 14,000 square feet. The circling of federal investigators who want him bad. And yet presumably none of that compares to today’s hit, which must have him in a fury that only the purchase of the Mona Lisa can assuage.

    / Apr 3, 2013 at 12:56 PM
  • saccpitalparkinglotsnow

    Hedge Funds

    Ex-SAC Analyst Accuses Basically Everyone He Ever Worked With Of Insider Trading

    Okay, not *everyone* but A LOT.

    / Jan 8, 2013 at 5:42 PM
  • ubs_1396475c


    Layoffs Watch ’12: UBS Has Something To Share

    Management has decided to burn the investment bank down and start fresh. Basically.

    UBS is set to unveil a radical downsizing of its struggling investment bank next week in a move that will prompt the loss of up to 10,000 jobs across the Swiss banking group. Switzerland’s largest bank by assets will significantly shrink the trading side and complexity of its investment bank and as a consequence also cut thousands of jobs in its back office over the next few years, three people close to the situation said. The job cuts will amount to almost a sixth of the bank’s workforce of 63,500 at the end of June. They will not happen all at once and the precise number is still unclear… It comes on top of another – still ongoing – programme announced last year to cut 3,500 jobs. The new strategy, hammered out in several executive board meetings in New York this week and set to be announced next Tuesday, will lead to the closure of a sizeable part of UBS’s fixed-income trading operations and other capital-intensive areas of the investment bank.

    UBS To Cut Up To 10,000 Jobs [FT]
    Related: UBS’s Investment Banking Head May Have To Slash His Own Expenses “Like A Jewish Shopkeeper”

    / Oct 26, 2012 at 3:51 PM
  • News

    Deutsche Bank Had A Bunch Of Tough Good-Byes Today

    In addition to cuts in the Industrials; M&A; Real Estate, Gaming, Leisure & Lodging; and Leveraged Finance, the bank’s converts desk was said to be “gutted,” losing at least five Managing Directors and a few analysts. On the bright side, today was expected to be the last day of layoffs for the foreseeable future.

    / Sep 10, 2012 at 6:22 PM
  • News

    Swiss Banks That Tasked Employees With Helping Clients Evade Taxes Are Saving Themselves By Turning In Said Employees, Muttering “I can’t believe you’d do something like that, don’t you know tax evasion is illegal” Loud Enough For Others To Hear

    Swiss banks are turning over thousands of employee names to U.S. authorities as they seek leniency for their alleged role in helping American clients evade taxes, according to lawyers representing banking staff. At least five banks supplied e-mails and telephone records containing as many as 10,000 names to the U.S. Department of Justice, according to […]

    / Aug 16, 2012 at 4:36 PM
  • News

    Securities And Exchange Commission Still Hung Up About The Time Phil Falcone Borrowed Money From A Gated Fund To Pay Personal Taxes

    Remember the time Harbinger Capital Partners founder Phil Falcone was a little short on cash, and decided to “borrow” $113 million from a fund in which redemptions had been suspended in order to pay personal taxes? Unfortunately for Big P, the SEC does. (The regulator also recalls he time he allegedly played favorites with Goldman and allegedly manipulated some markets.)

    Philip Falcone, the billionaire founder of Harbinger Capital Partners LLC, faces a lawsuit from U.S. regulators as soon as this week over claims he improperly borrowed client funds to pay his taxes and gave preferential treatment to Goldman Sachs Group Inc., according to two people familiar with the matter. Falcone, 49, may also face a market manipulation claim related to trading in bonds of MAAX Holdings Inc., said the people, who asked not to be identified because the matter isn’t public. The Securities and Exchange Commission voted to authorize enforcement staff to file the case, the people said.

    While perhaps not the best news Falcone has received in a while, it likely does not come as a surprise, as the SEC has been talking about the aforementioned offenses since last December (when they tried to get him banned from the securities industry). Either way, Phil, who should probably just not going home tonight unless he wants an earful, is planning to “contest to the suit.”

    SEC Said To Authorize Lawsuit Against Harbinger’s Falcone [Bloomberg]

    / Jun 26, 2012 at 3:03 PM
  • News

    Jon Corzine Doesn’t Need This Shit! Not Tonight! Not The Same Week Those Assholes From Lehigh Blow Up His NCAA Bracket!

    Jon S. Corzine, MF Global Holding Ltd.’s chief executive officer, gave “direct instructions” to transfer $200 million from a customer fund account to meet an overdraft in one of the brokerage’s JPMorgan Chase & Co. accounts in London, according to an e-mail sent by a firm executive. Edith O’Brien, a treasurer for the firm, said […]

    / Mar 23, 2012 at 4:43 PM
  • UBS_SECRETS_10808f


    Bonus Watch ’12: Is UBS Trying To Tell Us Something?

    Admittedly it’s just a theory but hear us out– based on the following bonus numbers communicated to managing directors this morning in Stamford, is it possible the Swiss’s long-term revenue generating plan is to get someone to burn the place down so they can collect the insurance money and then work out of Howard Johnson’s?

    / Feb 15, 2012 at 11:54 AM
  • News

    Bonus Watch ’12: Bank Of America

    Today is bonus communication day in BofA global markets and while there are no specifics to be had just yet, a couple things to note: 1) it’s not looking good and 2) this hurts them more than it hurts you.

    / Jan 26, 2012 at 12:27 PM
  • News

    RBS Feels Bad About Its Firings

    Remember, back in late December, when RBS sent out a holiday card to employees telling them to buck up, because, contrary to what everyone had heard, management would not be taking a “knee-jerk approach” to laying off employees, but rather thoughtfully “re-examining business strategy and resource deployment” and hey, maybe they wouldn’t end up firing […]

    / Jan 12, 2012 at 10:46 AM
  • bonuses

    Bonus Watch ’11: UBS Might Not Be Paying Out Bonuses In The Traditional Sense Of The Word

    Will you be thanked for your hard, non-rogue-esque work over the year? Probably. Will you receive any actual money? Probably not.

    / Sep 16, 2011 at 10:27 AM
  • News

    London-Based Goldman Sachs Employees Learn Art Of Reading The Fine Print

    Goldman Sachs International has triggered a clause inserted into the employment contracts of a group of its London-based investment bankers in mid-2009 that will result in them having to take a pay cut, Financial News has learned. A number of staff across the investment bank’s European division, which is based in London, have been told […]

    / Aug 25, 2011 at 9:03 AM
  • News

    Layoffs Watch ’11: Bank Of America

    Remember, back in April, when Bank of America decided it was tired of posting negative profits? And so that people would know they were dead serious about the goal of, rather than losing money, making it, gave their mission a special codename called Project New BAC? And then announced internally that PNBAC, led by 44 […]

    / Aug 19, 2011 at 8:25 AM
  • News

    Barclays Making It Rain…Inside The Office

    / Jun 8, 2011 at 5:20 PM
  • News

    Dominique Strauss-Kahn Totally Saw These Rape Accusations Coming

    In fact, he predicted them during an interview a few weeks back, though the specifics are a bit off (unless he was alluding to another incident we’ve yet to hear about?).

    / May 16, 2011 at 9:42 AM
  • News

    Raj Rajaratnam Found Guilty

    On all 14 counts (9 counts of insider trading, 5 of conspiracy). Raj-Raj now faces up to 19.5 years in prison.

    / May 11, 2011 at 10:39 AM
  • News

    S&P Not Loving US’s Longterm Debt Outlook

    Sayeth the ratings agency: Standard & Poor’s Ratings Services said today that it affirmed its ‘AAA’ long-term and ‘A-1+’ short-term sovereign credit ratings on the U.S. Standard & Poor’s also said that it revised its outlook on the long-term rating of the U.S. sovereign to negative from stable. Our ratings on the U.S. rest on […]

    / Apr 18, 2011 at 9:36 AM

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