that’s nice

  • 30 Nov 2011 at 2:29 PM

John Paulson: I’ll Get The Losses This Year, Next Year We Go Dutch?

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When one is an investor in a hedge fund, letters from the top that include lines about being “disappointed,” “clearly wrong in our judgment,” and this year being notable for being “the worst in the firm’s history” are tough to take. Sure, they’re slightly more palatable than those that attempt to explain why the last month/quarter/year went ass-bleedingly bad by deflecting the blame with something like, “We lost it all but you can take solace in knowing it’s not us, it’s the market. The global financial markets are wrong, and we happy few at [insert firm here] are correct, in a way that has yet to reveal itself but rest assured, is coming” and/or offer a silver-lining à la,“Now hear the great news: we’ve turned every dollar you invested in the beginning of the year into 15 cents,” but whether you get a “sorry” or “sorry, we’re not sorry” letter doesn’t really much matter. In both cases, a whole bunch of your money is gone. Generally speaking. If you’re speaking of hedge fund Paulson and Co, however, such is not the case! According to the Times, the fact that the firm has suffered its worst performance since inception is actually of little matter to investors, as John Paulson has “guaranteed” he will be covering their losses, whatever they may be, come year-end. For the purposes of not getting anyone’s hopes up, it should be noted that the guarantee only applies to one investor. Everyone else, past performance yadda yadda still applies to you- better luck next year. Read more »

  • 16 Nov 2011 at 12:57 PM
  • Banks

Layoffs/Hiring Watch ’11: Citi

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The bad news, as previously mentioned, is that Citi is firing a bunch of people. The good news, supposedly, is that if you’re looking for a gig, they’d love to take a meeting. Read more »

  • 25 Oct 2011 at 1:11 PM

Layoffs Watch ’11: Deutsche Bank

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The Germans said this morning that 1) employees will face the ax if the “environment” doesn’t improve a-SAP 2) these cuts would be on top of those previously announced and 3) have you ever wondered why DB hasn’t had to announce that it’s letting go of 20 or 30 or 40,000 people? According to Stefan Krause it’s because the bank has been “proactive” about cutting staff, doing a little bit each day so it’s not overwhelming. Read more »

  • 21 Sep 2011 at 1:46 PM
  • Banks

Thirty-Thousand Job Cuts Have Not Squelched Bank Of America’s Appetite For Fresh Meat

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“Our plans [to recruit] are consistent with last year,” said Kristen Williams, head of Bank of America’s global banking and markets campus recruiting team. “We have our target school list in the U.S. and globally. We’re not in a 2009 situation.” [FINS]

  • 21 Sep 2011 at 12:52 PM
  • Banks

UBS Suggests Employees Savor This Weekend’s Pebble Beach Outing, As Next Year’s Event Will Be Held At The Hartford Pitch ‘N Putt

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Put it in your purse

Less than a week ago, UBS announced that profits for the third quarter may not be what they were hoping for, as a result of a trader named Kweku Adoboli losing the bank $2.3 billion dollars. Tensions have been running a bit high since then, on account of many employees wondering if a) they’ll be the lucky recipient of a zero dollar bonus this year or b) they’ll still have a paycheck period by the end of the year. While management can’t make promises on either front, they may be able to do one better. Do the sounds of waves crashing, some complimentary rounds of golf and a few days out of the office that will afford you the time to conduct phone interviews with other shops sound like something you’d be interested in? If you answered yes, consider this your lucky day. Read more »

  • 09 Sep 2011 at 2:34 PM

San Diego Pension Fund Not Too Worried About The $1.8 Billion Hole Former Deustche Bank Trader Left In Ex-Employer’s Ass

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What’s a couple billion here or there? NBD, is what it is. Read more »

  • 22 Aug 2011 at 12:27 PM

Bank Of America Finally Catches A Break

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WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange’s former right-hand man has irrevocably destroyed 3500 unpublished files leaked to the whistleblower site including the complete US no-fly list, five gigabytes of Bank of America documents and detailed information about 20 neo-Nazi groups. Daniel Domscheit-Berg, who left WikiLeaks last year after a falling out with Assange, revealed the document destruction in an interview with Der Spiegel. [The Age, earlier]

  • 22 Apr 2010 at 11:38 AM

One Of The Foreclosed Owners John Paulson Made A Billion Off Of Gives The Hedge Fund Manager Props

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In a fun little exercise today, the Wall Street Journal got in touch with a few of the people who John Paulson correctly bet couldn’t pay their mortgages, which resulted in him making $1 billion, and them having their homes foreclosed on. If you assumed that some of them wouldn’t be in the mood to offer kudos to Paulson and his team for coming up with such a sweet trade and killing it for their clients, betting on their demise, you assumed wrong! Jack Booket gives it up for JP this morning. Read more »