Wall Street is set to cut over 100,000 financial services employees by the end of the year. The Dow dropped 521 points today. Harbinger Capital Partners muse Wilbur Falcone was just dealt a horrible blow. While some of you may think we get off on writing about Wall Street getting its teeth knocked out, in truth, it’s really just as much a buzz kill for us as it is for those taking it up the tailpipe. So we’ve decided to do something about it, in an admittedly self-serving effort to cheer ourselves up (it’s strange, but making you feel good makes us feel good). And here’s what it is: WE’RE BRINGING BACK THE SANDWICH FAIRY. Read more »
The Sandwich Fairy
Some of you may recall that several weeks ago, after hearing about a stunning feat accomplished by Ian Roncoroni, an energy OTC options broker with Power Merchants Group (Oyster Boy ate 244 Oysters in 1 hour at Ulysses), we rewarded the boy with a very special delivery: a Delmonico’s cheesesteak, on us. Despite some minor bumps in the road early on (Ronco took nearly twelve hours to thank us for the treat), overall, we enjoyed the tingly good feeling derived from sending roasted animal carcass slathered with processed cheesestuff to a random financial services hack we’d never met. It conveniently assuaged the guilt we sometimes feel for our unrelenting mockery of you people.
To recapture that feeling and to demonstrate that, despite anecdotal evidence to the contrary, we love you idiots, we decided to send a delicious sandwich to randomly selected analysts/associates/traders/CEOs/fund managers of our choosing each week, starting in mid-May. We called it The Sandwich Fairy (TSF). So far, it’s gone quite well, and the lucky recipients seem to enjoy the free food. That is not to say the initiative has gone off hitch-free. Some of you, it seems, are unfamiliar with the concept of how one receives food that has been sent to them. Just so that we don’t have another unfortunate incident like the one that took place earlier this week at Sredit Cuisse, here are some helpful tips to keep in mind moving forward.
— If you get a call that there’s a cheesesteak delivery for you in the lobby from a place called Shorty’s, it’s not a bomb
— Or a practical joke
— It’s, how to put this, a cheesesteak. A CHEESESTEAK. And not a synthetic, half-assed NYC simulacrum of a cheesesteak. But a real, honest-to-Rocky Philly cheesesteak. Wiz/wit. So good it’s worth JO’ing while crying over because you miss it when it’s gone. (The proprietor of said establishment, a Philly guy and former Wall Streeter named Evan, is awesome enough to foot the bill for DB’s TSF needs, as the cost of three months’ worth of sammie deliveries runs higher than you-know-who’s annual take-home.)
— Now, here’s the thing with cheesesteaks: though they are magically delicious, they don’t yet have the ability to walk themselves up to your desk. You will have to go downstairs and pick them (yes, them: we have been sending several, so you can share with your friends) up
— Another thing about cheesesteaks: they don’t have the best shelf life. GO GET THEM NOW.
— Nominating a friend for one and want it to be a surprise? Maybe hint that at some point in the week they’ll be getting a delivery around lunchtime, so that we don’t have then get in touch with another DealBreakerette who happens to work in the same building to pick up the delivery, and your friend is left cheesesteak-less.
Consequences for failing to follow the above will result in the following: the next time you go down to get your Seamless order, there’ll be enough food to feed all of the Bear Stearns employees who can no longer afford to feed themselves, and it’ll be on you.