Separately, the bank also needs to hire a bunch of interns for this summer’s “Emerging Talent Program.” Enter: two birds, one stone: Read more »
this is important
Report: For A Few Days In July, Goldman Employees Were Forced To Endure Offensive-Looking Water
By Bess Levin
Discolored tap water afflicted Goldman’s Lower Manhattan headquarters in July. The annoyance, familiar to anyone who has spent time in New York City, caused some hand-wringing (if not hand-washing) among the firm’s employees, for whom 200 West Street is usually a sanctuary of comfort. Water used for coffee and ice took on a yellowish color, and theories percolated among the staff as to what might be behind it. The construction at the World Trade Center site down the street? The fact that the building, which opened in October 2009, was still relatively new? Something else entirely? [...] The cafeteria, located on the 11th floor, began serving free coffee, apparently using an alternative water source. Service workers made the rounds, stocking the firm’s pantries with water bottles. But not everyone was satisfied. “People were hoarding water,” said one employee, who asked not to be identified because she was not authorized to speak publicly about the matter. “People would take two, three bottles of water at a time rather than just take one.” [...] “We took these precautions out of the utmost of caution,” David Wells, a Goldman Sachs spokesman, said in a statement, “but tests of the water showed there wasn’t a problem with the quality.” [Dealbook]
Specifically, her rights to Perrier on the company dime. It’s unclear what this woman’s name is so moving forward she’ll simply be referred to as The One With Brass Balls And An Allergy To Tap. Read more »

Related: “A slideshow of me raising my hand in class” [@tyrabanks, earlier]
If you’ll allow, a quick manifesto: Read more »
Why do people work on Wall Street? Some do it for the money. Some the love of the game. And some to put enough in the bank that they can one day leave the industry and finance their true passion. And, as a comprehensive survey shows, for many, that passion is dolls. Barbie dolls, cabbage patch dolls, celebrity dolls, dolls with creepy painted faces. Whether or not you’re ready to admit that to your colleagues, friends and, most importantly, to yourselves, I don’t care. What I do care about is you remembering all the accumulated wisdom you picked up on Wall Street and applying it to your new gig. And not making the same mistakes at this guy. Read more »

Or perhaps the above is a decoy. [CNN]
Financial Services Employee Who Inserted His DNA Into A Colleague’s Water Bottle Ordered To Pay $13,500 Per Shot
By Bess Levin
It probably wouldn’t be too out of bounds to say that at least a handful of you have considered jerking off in a coworker’s water bottle. Conservatively. As prudent risk managers however, you’ve held off until you could quantify how much non-reward you would be getting with each unit of risk. Finally, and not a moment too soon for some, we got answers. Read more »
