What this joyous news you hear? Dubai has added itself to a small but fierce list of people who have pledged not only to not judge Tiger Woods’ life choices, but to stick it out with him in his time of need. Maybe it’s because Dubai knows what it’s like to be publicly humiliated, or because the Big D feels it has some wisdom to impart on those who’ve (probably) contracted several strains of the clap. WHO KNOWS. Doesn’t really matter why. The point is that like Ken Lewis, Dubai is not ashamed to have its name associated with T Dubs.
Tiger Woods
Well, this is disappointing. Apparently way back in the day, before she did a pro golfer (and possibly supplied him with his other ladies) Rachel Uchitel was a producer for Bloomberg TV. She then went out to join the nightlife industry, and peddle puss on the side (her own and others) but just think! If things had gone differently she (and her t’s) could’ve been in your face, reporting on the crisis, alongside Margaret Brennan. So what we’re thinking is this: since Bloomberg has already gone official with its Breast Offensive, why not offer Uchitel an on-air gig? She presumably won’t come too cheap, but this could be what it takes to finally beat out CNBC in the Cleave Wars. Personally I think the idea is pretty genius but because you people are the ones who’ll have to tune in and make it work, and Rachel may not be your cup of tea, before Bloomberg makes an official offer, let’s first decide which Woods mistress you want on your screen.
I don’t know but here are some hints, courtesy of the Daily News:
* He’s married
* He has three kids
* He’s dumb enough to a) not employ a little known response called ‘No Comment,’ and b) think anyone would buy this:
“She is a friend and that is it,” the man, who asked not to be identified, said Monday. The hedge fund honcho admitted Monday he wired Rist – the latest in an ever-lengthening line of sexy women linked to Woods – $100,000 because “she wasn’t able to support herself.” The honcho said he dated the 31-year-old siren for a couple of months last winter and insisted their relationship “was more emotional than anything else.”
The premise of this article is that both have run into PR debacles, as a result of their huge egos. But surely there must be more? So far we’ve got:
* Both leave shady voicemails for their bitches
* Both work for organizations that pride themselves on being bastions of elitism– one excludes Jews, the other promotes only Jews
* Both dismayed partners with public listing– Goldman on the NYSE, Tiger on AdultFriendFinder.com
Skanky as they may be! Having a lucid moment for perhaps the first time ever, Bank of America has decided that is it in no position to take a moral stand against (alleged) cheating or shitty driving.
- Use the Bloomberg command
NH BLG_DEALBREAKER <GO>
to access Dealbreaker
